Seems simple, right? Except it’s me. So naturally, I’ve overthought it.
Here’s what I’ve got:
Wish #1: Fix. Literally. Everything.
Climate change? Fixed.
Poverty? Fixed.
Human rights violations? Gone.
The Wi-Fi cutting out when you’re trying to stream something emotional? SOLVED.
Basically, I want one big “patch update” for humanity.
No loopholes. No “Monkey’s Paw” energy. Just: everything’s fine now.
Like, imagine waking up to world peace and an inbox with zero unread emails. Utopia.
If I’m going to make a wish, it might as well be the world-saving kind.
Wish #2: One (1) billion dollars.
Not trillion. Not “in exposure.” Not “a $25 DoorDash credit.”
A billion.
Because I’m realistic: global peace is great, but I also want to retire somewhere with good snacks and reliable plumbing.
Why? Because I’ve got plans:
I buy a big chunk of land. Like, dreamland. Then I gather my friends and we all build our dream houses on the compound.
I go to school — yes, still me, still community college now but transferring in the fall — and finally have time to actually learn things without stressing about rent.
And yes, I’d still donate, invest, and start a non-profit or whatever. But also? it does buy therapy, time off, and Target runs without guilt.
Basically, it’s compound vibes + school vibes + dream-house vibes. That’s the energy I’m manifesting.
Wish #3: Free the genie.
Because I’ve seen Aladdin enough times to know that’s the move.
Also, I cannot morally vibe with keeping a magical being in a lamp after they just made me rich and ended global suffering. That’s bad karma.
So I free him. He cries. We hug. He probably goes backpacking across Europe to “find himself.” We keep in touch.
So that’s it:
1️⃣ Fix the world.
2️⃣ Build a dream compound, go to school without stress, live our best lives, and maybe buy some really nice towels.
3️⃣ Free the genie.
It’s the holy trinity of wishes.
Would I still manage to mess something up in the process? Almost definitely.
But hey — at least I’d be doing it from a functioning planet, on my dream land, surrounded by friends, with a very grateful ex-genie friend.
