personal growth – Some Punny Bunny

So… I Think I’m Starting a Bakery

Posted on August 26, 2026 by Eryn 🐰

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For a long time, I’ve had this idea of starting a little bakery. And by “little bakery,” I mean something that starts with me, my kitchen, probably way too many dishes, and me trying to figure out if other people actually like the things I make as much as I do.

I’ve always wanted to approach it realistically, though. I don’t want to jump straight into renting a storefront, buying a million dollars worth of equipment, and then realizing I have no idea what I’m doing.

So the plan is to start small.

I want to start from home, figure out what people actually want to buy, learn the business side, and build from there.

Because the dream is definitely bigger than selling a few loaves of banana bread.

Eventually, I would love to have a bakery or bakery/café situation. But before I get there, I need to build the foundation first.

Starting With the Foundation

Before I can start selling anything, I need to get all the boring-but-important business stuff figured out.

That means choosing a bakery name, deciding whether I want to operate as a sole proprietor or form an LLC, and registering my business name if necessary.

Since I’m in California, I’ll also need to figure out the appropriate cottage food permit or registration, food-safety training, food-handler requirements, and whatever business license my county requires.

And yes, apparently an LLC and a county business license are two completely different things because naturally nothing can just be one thing.

I’ll also need to make sure my labels have the required ingredient and allergy information and that everything I sell follows California’s cottage food rules.

Basically, before I can say, “Come buy my pie,” I need to make sure I’m legally allowed to say, “Come buy my pie.”

Starting Small and Finding Local Customers

The good thing about starting small is that I don’t need hundreds of customers.

I can start with the people around me.

Friends, family, neighbors, local community groups, and social media can all help me get those first few customers. I can make flyers, post online, and basically let people know that there is now a person in their area making baked goods and asking them to please give me money for them.

I’d also like to eventually offer porch pickup and possibly local delivery.

But I want to keep the delivery area small.

I’m not trying to spend three hours driving around California delivering one loaf of banana bread. At that point, the banana bread is making more money than I am.

Keeping Ordering Simple

I want the ordering process to be as easy as possible.

I’m considering using something like Hotplate or another simple online ordering system. My plan is to do pre-orders only, have customers pay upfront, set a clear order deadline, and have specific pickup days and times.

That way, I’m not baking a bunch of food and hoping somebody eventually decides they want it.

I’ll already know what has been ordered before I start baking.

This should help me control food waste, keep track of ingredient costs, and make the whole thing much less chaotic.

Because while I fully support a little chaos in my personal life, I would prefer my business to have spreadsheets.

Building a Simple Brand

I want the bakery to have a name and logo that feel like me.

But I also don’t think I need to spend a fortune on branding before I’ve even made my first sale.

At the beginning, I can keep things simple with logo stickers, basic boxes or bags, parchment paper, and the required ingredient information.

Eventually, I can get cute thank-you cards, custom packaging, stamps, tissue paper, ribbons, and all the other little things that make me want to buy something simply because the packaging is adorable.

But none of that needs to happen on day one.

The actual food needs to come first.

I want people to remember that the bread was good, the pie was good, the brownies were good, and they actually enjoyed ordering from me.

The cute sticker is just the bonus.

What Do I Actually Want to Sell?

This is probably one of the biggest questions I’ve been asking myself:

What do I actually want my bakery to be known for?

I don’t necessarily want to be the cake lady.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with cakes, but I’m much more interested in bread, pies, brownies, cookies, cinnamon rolls, and little desserts.

Basically, I want the kind of bakery where you walk in and immediately think, “Oh no. I want everything.”

I’ve been working on a temporary starter menu that feels like it gives me some variety without completely overwhelming me.

My Temporary Starter Menu

BREAD

Pumpkin Loaf
Zucchini Bread
Banana Bread

PIES

Apple Crumble Pie
Signature Seasonal Fruit Pie

COOKIES

Salted Chocolate Chunk Cookie
Seasonal Cookie

SMALL DESSERTS

Dark Chocolate Brownie Tart
Seasonal Crumble Bar

ROTATING

A Strange Little Thing

One experimental item that gives me an excuse to make something weird, seasonal, or just something I really want to try.

And honestly, I kind of love the idea of having one item on the menu that basically says, “I don’t know what this is yet either, but let’s see what happens.”

Is This Too Much?

And this is where I’m questioning myself.

Is this temporary menu too much for a brand-new cottage bakery?

On paper, ten items sounds like a lot.

But it’s also not really ten completely different things. Some of these can use similar ingredients, the seasonal items would rotate, and I wouldn’t necessarily make every single item every week.

My thought is that the menu gives me a framework rather than meaning I have to bake ten different things every time I open pre-orders.

For example, maybe one week I offer banana bread, apple crumble pie, salted chocolate chunk cookies, and the brownie tarts.

Then the next week I rotate in pumpkin loaf, the seasonal fruit pie, a seasonal cookie, and the crumble bars.

I could also eventually figure out which products people actually care about and cut anything that isn’t selling.

But I genuinely want to know if I’m overcomplicating this before I start.

Would ten potential menu items be too much to start with, even if only four or five are offered at a time?

Or does this feel like a reasonable starting framework for a small home bakery?

Because I know myself well enough to know that I could easily say, “I’m starting small,” and then accidentally create an entire bakery menu before I’ve sold one cookie.

Testing My Products

I’ve also started looking at my recipes differently.

It isn’t enough for me to think, “I like making this.”

It needs to make sense as a business.

How long does it take to make? How much does it cost? Can I make multiple batches at once? Is it easy to package? Does it travel well? Would someone actually buy it again?

For example, a pie takes me around 45 minutes to make and costs approximately $8–$10 depending on the fruit.

If I cut one pie into six slices and sell each slice for $5, that’s $30 in potential sales from one pie.

Loaves like banana bread and pumpkin bread take around 30 minutes to make and cost roughly $5–$7. I’m considering selling them for around $5, although I’ll need to do the actual math before deciding on a final price.

Cookies are another product I’m interested in because they can be made in batches. The ingredient cost can be relatively low, and I can make a bunch at once instead of standing in my kitchen making one cookie at a time like a tiny Victorian factory worker.

I’m considering selling a dozen for around $6, but again, I need to calculate the actual cost of each batch before I decide what makes sense.

The important thing is that I want my products to check several boxes:

I enjoy making them.
I can make them consistently.
They can be made in batches.
They’re easy to package and transport.
And they’re things I would actually buy myself.

That last one is pretty important.

I don’t want to build a business around something I don’t even like eating.

Keeping the Business Profitable

One of my biggest goals is to avoid spending money just because I’m excited about having a business.

Because I know myself.

Give me a cute bakery idea and suddenly I’m on the internet looking at custom boxes, personalized tissue paper, a commercial mixer, and a neon sign for a business that hasn’t made one dollar yet.

So I want to be intentional.

I want to pre-sell before I bake, make things in batches, track my ingredient costs, and avoid making more food than I have orders for.

I can also offer larger packages or boxes and charge separately for delivery.

Then, as the business actually starts making money, I can reinvest some of that profit into better packaging, equipment, ingredients, marketing, and eventually more products.

Basically, I want the bakery to pay for the bakery.

What Will It Cost to Start?

Right now, I’m estimating that I could potentially get started for around $150–$300 or more, depending on my county’s requirements and what equipment I already have.

Some of my initial expenses could include:

Business registration/name: varies
Cottage food permit or registration: varies by county
Food-safety training: varies
Flyers: approximately $30–$50
Logo stickers: approximately $25–$40
Packaging: approximately $30–$50
Initial ingredients: approximately $50–$100

These are obviously estimates, and I’ll need to confirm the actual California and county requirements before I start selling.

I also already have some equipment, which helps keep the initial cost down.

I’m trying very hard not to fall into the trap of thinking I need to own an entire professional bakery before I’m allowed to call myself a baker.

My Break-Even Goal

I also want to know exactly when I’ll make my initial investment back.

For example, if I spend $250 getting everything started and make $10 in profit from each order, I’d need approximately 25 orders to recover that initial $250.

Twenty-five orders suddenly sounds a lot less intimidating than “I need to build a successful bakery.”

That’s something I’m trying to remind myself throughout this whole process.

I don’t need to become a huge bakery overnight.

I need one customer.

Then another.

I need to figure out what sells, learn from what doesn’t, adjust my prices, improve my recipes, and keep going.

The Bigger Dream

The long-term dream is definitely bigger than a cottage bakery.

I’d love to eventually sell at farmers markets, grow a loyal customer base, and someday have my own bakery or bakery/café.

But I don’t need to build that entire business right now.

Right now, I need to figure out the legal stuff, choose a few products, test my recipes, calculate my costs, find my first customers, and make the first sale.

That’s it.

I think sometimes it’s easy to look at the finished version of someone else’s business and forget that it started with one person having an idea and wondering if it could actually work.

So that’s where I am right now.

I have an idea.

I have a kitchen.

I have recipes I want to test.

And I have a slightly concerning amount of enthusiasm for baked goods.

For now, I’m not trying to build the entire bakery.

I’m just trying to bake the first batch.

Lifestyle

Four Years Later: From a Pregnancy Scare to Pregnancy

Posted on July 18, 2026 by Eryn 🐰

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Four years ago, I wrote one of the most vulnerable posts I’d ever published. It was messy and honest and filled with questions I didn’t have answers to. I had a pregnancy scare, and instead of thinking about a baby, I mostly thought about pregnancy itself.

Now I’m writing this while very much pregnant.

It’s funny how the same topic can feel completely different depending on the season of your life.

When I reread that old post, I don’t cringe. I actually feel a lot of compassion for twenty-five-year-old me. She wasn’t immature. She wasn’t selfish. She was just scared.

Back then, Hector and I weren’t married. We hadn’t lived together yet. We were still learning each other and trying to figure out what our future even looked like. Money was constantly stressful. We weren’t just budgeting—we were surviving. Every unexpected expense felt catastrophic.

So of course an unexpected pregnancy felt terrifying.

I remember writing that during the month I thought I might be pregnant, I never imagined a baby. I thought about sore boobs. Morning sickness. My body changing. Never reaching my goal weight. Buying maternity clothes.

I only thought about the baby after the pregnancy test came back negative.

Reading that now almost makes me laugh because this pregnancy has been the exact opposite.

Don’t get me wrong—I have still complained about pregnancy. A lot.

I’ve complained about gestational diabetes. About getting stuck with needles. About swollen feet, aching hips, acid reflux, and wondering if I’ll ever sleep comfortably again. I’ve complained about food restrictions, hormones, and the fact that my baby apparently rejects half the foods I actually want to eat.

Pregnancy still isn’t exactly my favorite thing in the world.

But this time, every miserable symptom has a face attached to it.

Every kick reminds me there’s a little person in there.

Every doctor’s appointment feels less like checking on my pregnancy and more like checking on my baby.

The pregnancy isn’t the point anymore.

The baby is.

That’s probably the biggest difference.

Another huge difference is that Hector and I are in such a different place.

We’re married now.

We’ve lived together.

We’ve learned how to be partners outside of date nights and vacations. We’ve figured out who does dishes, who takes out the trash, who panics first, and who stays calm when life gets chaotic. We’ve built routines together.

We’re not rich by any stretch of the imagination, but we’re also not living paycheck to paycheck the way we once were. We can actually breathe a little. That security changes everything.

It doesn’t erase fear.

It just makes the fear manageable.

Four years ago, I questioned whether I should even become a mother. I listed all the reasons I thought I’d fail.

My anxiety.

My depression.

My relationship with my parents.

My finances.

The possibility that one day I’d end up raising someone else’s child, too.

Those fears didn’t magically disappear.

They’re still there, just quieter.

They’re no longer the loudest voice in the room.

Instead, I spend more time thinking about what kind of mom I want to be.

I think about taking my kid to Disneyland.

To the library.

To splash pads in the summer.

To baseball games.

I think about reading bedtime stories, making Halloween costumes, helping with school projects, and introducing them to my favorite movies and books.

Four years ago, motherhood felt like an abstract concept.

Now it feels like a person I’m about to meet.

Looking back, I also realize something about Hector.

During that pregnancy scare, he panicked.

I wrote about how he immediately imagined our future while I couldn’t see past the pregnancy itself.

At the time, I thought we had completely different reactions.

Now I think we were just carrying different burdens.

He was trying to figure out how we’d survive.

I was trying to figure out how I would survive.

Today, we’re imagining that future together.

We’re still nervous.

We’re still learning.

We still don’t know exactly what we’re doing.

But the fear has transformed into anticipation.

If I could tell twenty-five-year-old me one thing, it wouldn’t be, “Don’t worry, you’ll get pregnant in four years.”

It would be this:

You don’t have to have every answer before becoming excited about your future.

Life has a funny way of giving you exactly the experiences you need before you’re ready for the next chapter.

Four years ago, I was afraid of becoming pregnant.

Today, I’m counting down the weeks until I get to hold my baby.

Same woman.

Same relationship.

Completely different life.

Lifestyle

Mid-Year Check-In: Maybe This Is What Alignment Actually Looks Like

Posted on July 2, 2026 by Eryn 🐰

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At the beginning of this year, I chose alignment as my word of the year.

I wrote that I used to think balance meant doing everything all at once. Keeping every plate spinning. Being productive all the time. But I realized balance is quieter than that. It’s about doing the right things at the right time.

I also talked about living in seasons. At the time, I thought seasons were an alternative to balance.

Now, halfway through the year, I think they’re the same thing.

And life has made sure I learned that lesson.

If you had told January me that by July I’d be seven months pregnant, less than three months away from meeting my daughter, packing up a house, preparing to move, and completely rearranging my life, I probably would’ve laughed.

That wasn’t on my vision board.

Neither was putting school on pause.

Neither was stepping away from work.

Neither was preparing to move.

At the beginning of the year, Hector and I were renting a house with a roommate. Now we’re packing up our lives and preparing for one of the biggest transitions we’ve ever faced.

For a little while, we’ll actually be living in separate states while we figure out this next chapter. If you’ve been following along, you already know the circumstances behind that decision, but that doesn’t make it any less emotional. It’s not how either of us imagined spending the final stretch of my pregnancy, but it’s the decision that makes the most sense for our family right now.

Between packing boxes, preparing for a baby who’s due in September, attending what feels like endless doctor’s appointments, and trying to process how much life can change in just six months, I’ve had to accept that I simply can’t do everything.

And maybe that’s the point.

Life rarely asks if your plans are convenient.

It just changes.

This year has looked nothing like I expected, and honestly, there have been moments where I’ve felt guilty about that. Guilty that I haven’t been reading as much. Guilty that I’m not checking goals off as quickly as I’d hoped. Guilty that so much of my energy has gone toward simply making it through the day.

But then I remembered something I wrote back in January.

Alignment means letting your priorities match the season you’re actually in.

Well…

This season isn’t about hustle.

It’s about growing a human.

It’s about preparing for motherhood.

It’s about creating a home where our daughter will take her first nap, celebrate her first holidays, and make memories we’ll tell her about years from now.

It’s about taking care of my body, even on the days when pregnancy feels exhausting. It’s about accepting that rest is productive when your body is literally building another person.

As for those ten goals I set…

Well…

I’ve completed exactly zero of them.

Not one.

And surprisingly?

I’m okay with that.

I started Iron Flame back in January and… I’m still reading it. Mommy brain is real, and every time I pick it up, I feel like I have to reread the last chapter because I’ve forgotten what happened. At this point, I think I’ve spent more time carrying the book around than actually reading it.

Running a 5K while pregnant was obviously never going to happen.

Working out three times a week turned into, “Did I remember to take my prenatal vitamin today?”

Trying twenty new recipes sounded so exciting in January. Then pregnancy food aversions hit, and suddenly half the foods I normally loved made me nauseous. Add in my gestational diabetes diagnosis—which I’ve already ranted about on this blog—and experimenting in the kitchen became the last thing I wanted to do.

The passport?

Still don’t have one.

The tattoo?

That can wait until after pregnancy.

The hikes, the spa days, the giant canvas painting…

None of them happened.

A few months ago, I think I would’ve looked at this list and called the year a failure.

Now?

I don’t.

Because the goals I actually accomplished were never on that list.

I’ve grown a healthy little girl for seven months.

I’ve made it through countless appointments, blood sugar checks, and more medical advice than I ever thought I’d receive in one year.

I’ve advocated for myself when something didn’t feel right.

I’ve prepared for a move during one of the biggest life transitions I’ve ever experienced.

I’ve made difficult decisions for my family, even when they weren’t the decisions I originally wanted to make.

None of those things can be checked off in a resolutions list.

But they’re still accomplishments.

Maybe even bigger ones than the goals I wrote down in January.

At the start of the year, I said this wasn’t about a fresh start. It was about a continuation—a softer, more honest one.

I don’t think I fully understood what I meant back then.

I do now.

Alignment isn’t about having everything under control.

It’s about giving yourself permission to change when life changes.

The second half of 2026 is going to ask even more of me than the first.

I’ll become a mom.

We’ll settle into a new home.

Hector and I will hopefully be back in the same state after this temporary season apart.

None of it will be easy.

But for the first time in a long time, I don’t feel like I’m fighting the season I’m in.

I’m just trying to live it well.

And I think that’s exactly what alignment was trying to teach me all along.

Lifestyle

What If I’m the Narcissistic Parent?

Posted on June 4, 2026 by Eryn 🐰

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It’s kind of funny that this is the post I’m writing tonight.

Not funny haha. Funny in the way that it’s midnight, I’m pregnant, and my brain has decided we’re doing character analysis instead of sleeping.

Lately I’ve been thinking about whether I’ll be a good mom. Not because I don’t love this baby. I already do. Not because I don’t want her. I absolutely do.

It’s because sometimes I see parts of my biological dad in myself, and it scares me.

My mom and stepdad have always been loving, involved parents. My mom always says I’m basically my stepdad’s clone personality-wise, which is funny because we’re not biologically related.

But my biological dad? He can be selfish. He hates admitting when he’s wrong. He doesn’t always apologize when he hurts people. Sometimes he plays the victim.

And the worst part?

Sometimes I’m exactly the same way.

Not all the time. But enough that I’ve noticed it.

I’m about to have a daughter, and I keep wondering: what happens when my goals collide with motherhood?

Because I still have dreams. I still want a career. I still want to create things and build a life that feels like mine.

I know becoming a mom doesn’t mean I stop being a person, but how much of myself am I willing to sacrifice for someone else?

That’s the question that keeps me up at night.

Maybe I should’ve figured more things out before having a baby. Maybe I should’ve been more successful, more stable, more certain.

Sometimes I even wonder if having a child is inherently selfish because, at the end of the day, this was something I wanted.

But then I remember something.

Narcissistic people usually aren’t sitting awake at midnight wondering if they’re narcissistic.

They’re usually convinced everyone else is the problem.

Meanwhile, I’m over here spiraling because I have ambitions outside of motherhood.

Maybe being a good mom isn’t about never being selfish. Maybe it’s about recognizing when you are. Maybe it’s about apologizing when you’re wrong and choosing your child over your ego whenever those two things end up in a fight.

I don’t know exactly what kind of mom I’ll be yet.

But I hope my daughter grows up knowing that I loved her enough to question myself.

And maybe that’s a decent place to start.

Monthly Muses

the people currently living rent-free in my brain

Posted on April 21, 2026 by Eryn 🐰

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With the TIME 100 Most Influential People of 2026 just dropping, I couldn’t help but spiral into thinking about the people who’ve influenced me—not just globally, but personally, emotionally, spiritually, main-character-wise.

First of all, Alysa Liu. I’ve watched her career for a while now and her retirement. and by 20 she’s out here redefining success, choosing peace, and just casually being like, “yeah, I’m gonna do life my way.” That’s not just inspiring, that’s main character with boundaries energy. We love to see it.

Noah Kahan??? Emotionally devastating in the best way. Like why are you in my headphones making me confront my feelings??? His openness about mental health is so comforting though. It’s giving “you’re not alone but also let’s cry about it together.”

And then Noah Lyles—completely different vibe—pure confidence. Like the kind where you walk into a room and the room adjusts to YOU. He’s not shrinking, he’s expanding. I’m taking notes. But beyond the aura, he’s genuinely crucial to modern athletics right now. He’s not just fast, he’s defining what this era of sprinting looks like—bringing personality, visibility, and swagger back to the sport in a way that feels fresh but also necessary. And let’s not forget, just three years ago he won two gold medals at the World Championships in both the 100m and 200m. That’s not just impressive—that’s legacy-building. It’s giving dominance, discipline, and “I know exactly who I am.”

Historically??? Bobbi Gibb literally said “rules? never heard of them” and ran the Boston Marathon anyway when women weren’t even allowed. And here’s the part that gets me: if you Google “first woman to run the Boston Marathon,” you’ll usually see Kathrine Switzer—and yes, she was the first woman to officially run it in 1967, and that absolutely deserves recognition. But Bobbi Gibb? She hid in the bushes, jumped into the race, and finished it without a bib in 3:21:40. Like??? That’s not just inspiring, that’s rebellious queen behavior. And let’s really sit with this—both of these women were out there doing this before running shoes were even designed specifically for women (which didn’t really happen until the late ’70s). No support, no infrastructure, no permission—just grit. Paved the way without asking for it.

And Hildegard of Bingen??? Oh she was BOOKED and BUSY in the 1100s. Composing, writing, leading, having visions… like okay renaissance woman before it was even a thing. Obsessed.

And then there’s Janine Teagues from Abbott Elementary, my comfort character forever. Watching her slowly gain confidence while still being awkward and caring too much??? That’s REAL growth. Not a glow-up, a grow-up.

Honestly the common theme here is just… being unapologetically yourself, even if that self is still figuring things out. Bold, messy, evolving energy.

Lifestyle

April Renewal: Join My 30-Day Blogging Challenge

Posted on March 25, 2026 by Eryn 🐰

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April is almost here, and honestly? I’m buzzing. Like, full-on spring bee buzzing in a flower field buzzing. This April, I’m going all in: 30 posts for 30 days on both Instagram and the blog. After trying and failing to post all 31 days in October, December, and January, it’s April’s turn—and I am READY. No holding back. No half-hearted attempts. Just pure, unfiltered, unapologetic spring energy.

I’ve been feeling extra inspired by VEDA (Vlog Every Day of April), which basically feels like a personal invitation to go wild with creativity. And wild I shall go. Expect everything from Earth Day initiatives (because yes, saving the planet is chic, and we’re doing it in style) to fresh seasonal recipes that taste like sunshine in a bowl, to full-on lifestyle resets that will leave you feeling lighter, brighter, and maybe a little obsessed with the little joys that make spring spring.

Cozy mornings? Check. Journaling with your favorite warm drink in hand? Check. Yoga flows that make you feel like your body is remembering how to breathe again? Double check. Honestly, April feels like that perfect mix of new notebook energy and deeply personal reflection energy, and I want to share all of it with you.

Spring in the Bible is all about renewal, resurrection, and God’s faithfulness to bring new life after a long winter. And let’s be real—after the last few months (or years, honestly), who couldn’t use a little resurrection? That energy of new beginnings is exactly what I’m chasing this month: new ideas, fresh perspectives, and tiny, bright reminders that growth isn’t always dramatic, but it is always worth celebrating.

And here’s the thing—I want this upcoming month to feel like more than just posts. I want it to feel like a community. Like we’re all sipping tea together, swapping messy life confessions, laughing at ridiculous mistakes, trying new recipes that may or may not flop, and ultimately celebrating all the weird, wonderful ways we grow. Because spring isn’t just about flowers—it’s about showing up, even when it feels messy or uncertain, and trusting that life has a way of bringing beauty out of the chaos.

So what can you expect from me this April? Honestly, a little bit of everything: the cozy, the cute, the chaotic, the heartfelt, and maybe even some things that are totally extra (because, hi, I’m not above it). Think mornings with sunlight spilling onto your kitchen counter while sourdough rises, afternoons of journaling while your favorite playlist softly hums in the background, evenings spent reflecting and dreaming about the next chapter of your life.

This April, I want us to bloom together. To chase that feeling of new beginnings with reckless curiosity. To celebrate the small wins as much as the big ones. To remember that God’s faithfulness doesn’t take breaks—it’s quietly, beautifully present in every little step of our journey, even the ones that feel tiny or messy or confusing.

So grab your favorite cup of tea, dust off that journal, and let’s lean into this month with open hearts, open minds, and maybe a little bit of drama—because why not? April is here, it’s bright, it’s messy, it’s hopeful, and it’s ours. Let’s bloom.

Lifestyle

Reclaiming Myself in 2026

Posted on February 2, 2026February 3, 2026 by Eryn 🐰

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Time has a funny way of changing us, sometimes without us even realizing it. Looking back on 2025, I see a version of myself that feels distant—like a person I didn’t recognize or agree with. In 2018 or even 2020, the choices I made last year would have seemed impossible to me. I forced myself to follow a path I thought I should take, not the one I wantedto take. I tried to fit into a box that wasn’t mine, desperately playing “keeping up with the Joneses,” thinking that’s what I was supposed to do.

But what do I have to show for it? Not much. In fact, the only decision from 2025 that I don’t regret was getting my dogs. They’ve been my only source of comfort and joy in a year that otherwise felt like a series of wrong turns.

And now here I am, in 2026, wanting to reclaim myself—the real me that I’ve buried under other people’s expectations and my own fears. I spent the past three years forgetting why I was struggling or why I made certain choices. I gave up on school, something I once valued, because I was too focused on a future I thought I had to portray to kids I haven’t even had yet. I was so obsessed with the wrong choices that I stopped helping the only person who mattered in all this: me.

There’s a quote I love by Steve Harvey: “If you’re already in hell, why stay?” I don’t even know if that’s his original line, but it resonates with me. I’ve been letting myself stay in my own version of hell, trapped by past choices and self-imposed expectations. But it’s time to walk away from that. I’m not staying in this place anymore. I’ve spent too long living for the wrong things and the wrong people.

In 2026, I’m focusing on reclaiming my happiness, one step at a time. It won’t be easy, but it’s necessary. Time changes us, yes. But it also offers the opportunity to change back—to remember who we were before the world tried to tell us who we should be.

A quick note to self, though: I know I say this every year. I know the pattern. Usually, I wait until the year’s end, trying to build myself back up, focusing on my relationship with Hector. But this time, things are different. I’m prioritizing me. I’m done waiting for others to step in and build me up. I’ve already signed myself up for workshops and clubs this year, and I’m determined to spend this year loving myself in ways I’ve neglected.

Instead of waiting for someone to give me what I deserve, I’m giving it to myself. I’m not gonna ask for monthly dates from a person who’s not going to give them to me—I’m taking myself out on monthly dates. I’m learning to be the one I’ve always needed.

This isn’t a dig at Hector. We are currently at different stages in our lives, each with different wants and needs. While we both want the same things in the long run, our timelines just aren’t aligned right now, and that’s okay. Sometimes, life’s timing doesn’t match our expectations, but it doesn’t mean we’re not on the same path—it just means we’re walking at different paces. I’m focusing on myself, but that doesn’t change the love and respect I have for him, or the shared goals we’re both working towards.

So here’s to finding my way back, and to a making choices that align with who I truly am. Here’s to prioritizing me—because at the end of the day, that’s the only choice I’ll never regret.

Lifestyle

buffering (again)

Posted on October 25, 2025 by Eryn 🐰

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Lately, it feels like my life’s been buffering.
Not broken, just caught on that little spinning wheel of “what now?” while everyone else seems to be streaming in 4K.

One friend’s in New York again — her fifth trip this year — just casually living out of a suitcase and a latte cup.
Another turned her kitchen into a full-blown bakery while also working as head baker for an actual brick-and-mortar shop (girlboss, but make it buttercream).
And my con-going friend? She’s been to basically every event this year and she’s a lab tech — like, saving lives by day, cosplaying by night energy.

We don’t see each other often, but their updates feel like postcards from another planet.
Meanwhile, my days look like the same mug, the same desk, the same playlist I keep pretending is “background noise” and not my entire personality.

My bestie’s a stay-at-home mom starting a ribbon flower Etsy shop (which is actually the cutest thing ever),
and then there’s me and Hector — this year’s been all wedding planning and not much else.
It’s love, it’s cozy, but it’s also still. Like… waiting-room still.

And if I’m honest, I think that’s what’s really been sitting in my chest lately —
the fact that my life’s about to get even quieter.
We’ve been talking about having a baby soon,
and that kind of stillness is a different kind of wild.
No more spontaneous trips or long nights out — not that we had those anyway,
just bottles, naps, and whatever version of myself comes next.
It’s a softer chapter, but it’s still a pause.

I keep thinking about how much who you surround yourself with matters —
not because my people are bad (they’re wonderful, actually),
but because sometimes being around motion reminds you that you can move too.
And right now, I’m just… here. Not moving fast. Not falling behind.
Just buffering.

Maybe that’s okay.
Maybe this is what growth looks like before it blooms.

Lifestyle

I Found Inspiration in My Teenage Self!

Posted on August 17, 2025 by Eryn 🐰

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Adulthood is weird. It’s like you spend your entire childhood and teen years imagining how “together” it’ll all feel—then one day you wake up with a stack of bills, an inbox full of unread emails, and this nagging thought: Is this it?

For a while, I thought maybe I was the problem. Like maybe I just wasn’t cut out for adulthood, because no matter how much I checked the boxes—work, school, responsibilities—I still felt like something was missing.

But this year, something shifted. When I didn’t know how to make my adult self happy, I turned to the version of me who once did know: teenage me.

And to my surprise, it’s actually been working.

Adulthood doesn’t always look like the dream I thought it would. Hell, even my wedding—it’s not “adult Eryn’s” dream wedding. Grown-up me wanted a classic June 3rd garden wedding, three bridesmaids, a floaty dress, and the classic “chicken or beef” entrees. Eden Gardens was literally my dream venue (seriously, someone please get married there and send me photos—it’s gorgeous).

But… a $30,000 party? Even if I had the money, that felt ridiculous. So instead, Hector and I planned the wedding our kid selves would have dreamed of. Corpse Bride has always been one of my favorite movies, and Hector once mentioned he always thought a Halloween wedding would be magical. So that’s what we’re doing—leaning into the version of joy that feels truest to us.

And it’s not just the wedding.

I started letting 2012 Eryn take the wheel for other things, too. She was unfiltered, passionate, and maybe a little dramatic, but she knew what made her feel alive. She loved music so much it cracked her chest open. So, I’ve been following her lead:

Saw The Lumineers live, the soundtrack of so many nights spent dreaming as a teen.
Saw Hozier last year, and his voice still cuts right through me the way it did in the Tumblr days.
I’m going to see Twenty One Pilots soon—my heart already races the way it did the first time I heard Car Radio.
Bought a lightsaber, because why not lean into the silly?
Read the new Hunger Games book—a full circle moment from the days of braiding my hair like Katniss and crying over Rue.
And maybe the most unexpected: my niece got a violin. I played violin from first grade until high school, and now I’m seriously considering getting one for myself again—so I can practice alongside her and maybe even teach her a few things.

None of this is just about nostalgia. It’s about finding joy again. About reminding myself that buried under bills and burnout is still the girl who wanted to live loudly.

And here’s the quiet victory: I’ve also started standing up for myself in ways teenage me could only daydream about. Protecting my peace. Advocating for myself. Becoming the version of me that used to scare me a little—in the best way.

This isn’t regression. It’s a reunion. Healing and growth don’t always look like buying a house or climbing a career ladder. Sometimes they look like screaming lyrics in a crowd, rereading a book that cracked your heart open years ago, or picking up a violin again just because it sparks something.

2012 me is screaming—and maybe that’s the best sign yet.

Because maybe adulthood doesn’t come with a guidebook. But when you’re lost, sometimes your younger self can remind you where the joy is.

And for me right now? That joy looks like concerts, lightsabers, Halloween weddings, and maybe, just maybe, dusting off an old violin.

Lifestyle

Starting Over with My Hair (and Myself)

Posted on July 30, 2025 by Eryn 🐰

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Let’s be real: my hair and I have a bit of a complicated relationship! I recently shared a video called “Starting My Curly Hair Journey But I Hate My Curly Hair,” and honestly, that title is spot on. Growing up, I never really saw my curls as something to love. They felt more like a hassle—something to fight with, tame, straighten, or hide away. Even now, as I’m diving into this curly hair journey as an adult, I often catch myself wishing for something simpler, something sleek that doesn’t need a whole routine and a pep talk just to leave the house.

But you know what? I’m done fighting my curls! This series is all about learning how to care for my natural hair from a place of curiosity instead of criticism. It’s my chance to rediscover the texture I was born with without trying to conform to someone else’s idea of “beautiful.”

In the video, I share how strange it feels to reconnect with something that never really got the love it deserved. I also talk about the moment I knew I was ready to try again, even if I’m still figuring things out. There’s no big “perfect curl” reveal in episode one—just me, a wide-tooth comb, some product confusion, and a lot of honesty!

✨ Here’s what to expect in this series:

– Real-time trial and error

– Reviews of products that actually work for super low-maintenance routines

– Haircare tips I wish I’d known sooner

– Messy wash days, emotional detangling, and those hard-won moments of growth

– And most importantly, a warm and welcoming space for anyone who’s ever felt not quite curly enough, not straight enough, just… not enough.

This journey is really personal for me, but I know I’m not alone in it. If you’re navigating your own relationship with your natural hair, whether you’re deep into your routine or just starting to let go of heat damage and denial: I see you!

Let’s grow (and hydrate) together!

🌀 Watch the video here