Thereās this quote I keep coming back to:
āRemember why you started.ā
I donāt even remember where I first heard it ā maybe a book, maybe Pinterest, maybe Iām misquoting The Lion King ā but itās been sitting with me lately. Heavy in the best and hardest way.
I started this blog nearly six years ago with a simple but powerful goal: to bring hope and happiness into a world that often makes it hard to believe in either. Not because I had everything figured out ā I didnāt then, and I still donāt ā but because I knew I wasnāt alone in the mess. I knew there were others like me, trying to climb out of the same emotional holes over and over again, wondering if joy was ever going to feel real.
I wrote about healing, about reclaiming internal peace, and about being brave enough to feel everything without letting it swallow me whole. Back then, I was committed. I had my rituals: journaling, morning meditations, and a daily dose of motivation. I even asked myself every day, āIf you had to scale your overall happiness, what would it be?ā (For context: 0 = depressed, 10 = excited.) That simple question helped me track my heart, not just my habits.
But somewhere along the way, I stopped.
When Did I Let Go of Myself?
By ālately,ā I mean the better part of five years. Thatās how long Iāve spent quietly ā sometimes unknowingly ā drifting away from that version of me. The one who was trying. The one who had hope. The one who knew healing took daily work and still showed up anyway.
Life didnāt just happen ā it kept happening. Emotion after emotion, loss after loss, disappointment after disappointment. Like waves that never gave me enough time to catch my breath. And during all of it, I did what I thought I had to do: I survived. I put out emotional fires. I stayed busy. I told myself I was āfine.ā
But in the chaos, I stopped checking in with myself.
I stopped writing in my gratitude journal.
I stopped meditating in the morning.
I stopped reading those little sticky notes of encouragement I used to keep on my phone.
And without even realizing it, I stopped asking myself that daily question:
Whereās your happiness at today?
The truth? Most days now, I wouldnāt even know how to answer.
When Did I Let My Insecurities Win?
It wasnāt a big, dramatic unraveling. It was quiet. Subtle. Almost unnoticeable ā until I looked up one day and realized I didnāt recognize myself.
I let the insecurities creep back in.
I started doubting my voice.
I shrunk myself around people who didnāt ask me to, but I assumed I had to.
I convinced myself that I had to prove something to be enough ā to earn rest, love, or even joy.
And my overall mental mood? Itās beenā¦ bad. Thatās the honest answer. Iāve been stuck in a fog of frustration, sadness, and emotional exhaustion ā so deep that it became my new normal. And I forgot that itās not who I am.
But Hereās the Thing: I Noticed. And That Matters.
Today, Iām not writing because Iām on the other side of it all. Iām writing because I noticed how far Iāve drifted from myself ā and thatās the first, hardest, most important step in finding my way back.
I remembered why I started this blog.
I remembered how deeply I want to live with joy and purpose ā not just autopilot.
And I remembered that happiness isnāt something we find; itās something we create. Itās something we practice.
Happiness Isnāt a Destination ā Itās a Direction
No, life still isnāt where I want it to be. And some days, that still hurts. But hereās the difference: Iām starting to see that ānot there yetā doesnāt mean ānowhere.ā Iāve grown. Quietly. Messily. Slowly. But Iāve grown.
Iāve learned that I donāt need to arrive at some perfect version of happiness to keep moving toward it. Joy doesnāt always come with fireworks. Sometimes, it looks like:
- Dragging myself out of bed and into clean clothes.
- Drinking water before coffee.
- Taking a walk in silence ā no music, no podcast ā just my breath and the pavement.
- Reminding myself that I donāt need permission to be who I already am.
Progress Isnāt Linear ā And Thatās Okay
I used to think healing meant Iād never feel anxious or low again. But healing is really about feeling those things and still showing up and still caring for yourself. Still letting yourself believe in better days ā even when youāre not living one yet.
Depression taught me stillness, but it also showed me how dangerous it can be to sit in it too long. I donāt want just to exist anymore. I want to live ā with intention, with softness, with truth.
So hereās the truth: I can be sad and still be at peace.
I can feel uncertain and still be grounded.
I can be a work in progress and still offer something meaningful.
So Hereās My Promise to Myself
Starting now, I will:
- Ask myself again where Iām at on that happiness scale.
- Write down one thing Iām grateful for each day.
- Sit in stillness, even if just for two minutes.
- Challenge the lies my insecurities whisper.
- Stop waiting to be ābetterā before I allow myself joy.
To Anyone Reading This Who Feels the Same Way
If youāve worked hard on your healing and still feel like youāve slipped backward ā youāre not broken. Youāre not weak. Youāre just human.
Healing isnāt linear. Growth isnāt perfect. But the fact that you want better for yourself ā that youāre reading this, still showing up in your own quiet ways ā that matters.
You donāt need to have everything figured out.
You donāt need to be at a ten to appreciate being at a six.
You donāt need to wait for life to be perfect to live it with love.
Just take one small step today to move toward the life you want.
Even if itās messy. Even if itās slow.
Just keep going.
Let this post be a reminder to both of us:
Youāre allowed to begin again.
