Lately, it feels like my life’s been buffering.
Not broken, just caught on that little spinning wheel of “what now?” while everyone else seems to be streaming in 4K.
One friend’s in New York again — her fifth trip this year — just casually living out of a suitcase and a latte cup.
Another turned her kitchen into a full-blown bakery while also working as head baker for an actual brick-and-mortar shop (girlboss, but make it buttercream).
And my con-going friend? She’s been to basically every event this year and she’s a lab tech — like, saving lives by day, cosplaying by night energy.
We don’t see each other often, but their updates feel like postcards from another planet.
Meanwhile, my days look like the same mug, the same desk, the same playlist I keep pretending is “background noise” and not my entire personality.
My bestie’s a stay-at-home mom starting a ribbon flower Etsy shop (which is actually the cutest thing ever),
and then there’s me and Hector — this year’s been all wedding planning and not much else.
It’s love, it’s cozy, but it’s also still. Like… waiting-room still.
And if I’m honest, I think that’s what’s really been sitting in my chest lately —
the fact that my life’s about to get even quieter.
We’ve been talking about having a baby soon,
and that kind of stillness is a different kind of wild.
No more spontaneous trips or long nights out — not that we had those anyway,
just bottles, naps, and whatever version of myself comes next.
It’s a softer chapter, but it’s still a pause.
I keep thinking about how much who you surround yourself with matters —
not because my people are bad (they’re wonderful, actually),
but because sometimes being around motion reminds you that you can move too.
And right now, I’m just… here. Not moving fast. Not falling behind.
Just buffering.
Maybe that’s okay.
Maybe this is what growth looks like before it blooms.
It’s about self-awareness. Yes, I feel jealous that I’m not doing as much as my friends, but I’m happy for them. I don’t want to do what they do; I want to focus on my own path, and when I do, I know they will be happy for me. I always want them to share their adventures with me. I love that they get to live their lives to the fullest, and feeling jealous is okay because we are complex people, so these feelings can exist together.
This kinda sounds like you’re jealous of your friends’ lives tbh.
Tbh, I think it’s less jealousy and more self-awareness. They’re just being honest about feeling stuck while everyone else seems to be moving — that’s relatable.