Posted in Relationships

My “Friend” is using me as a free babysitter

I feel this post belongs on an AITA Reddit feed, a Dear Abby column, or something of that nature.

A while ago, my close friends introduced me to one of her friends, let’s call her Charlotte. (side note have you guys seen the Queen Charlotte Netflix special? I’m obsessed)

Now Charlotte and I had many common interests and became friends. It was going great; we would first talk on the phone. I’m not always the best texter, which causes some problems, but I will admit my fault. We even hung out a few times.

Charlotte and her husband both work and sometimes need help with their son. I’m super comfortable around kids (I come from a big family) and would watch him.

Then she started asking me over more. Again not a problem, but it was never to hang out; it was to watch her son.

Now Charlotte and our other friend still talk and text regularly. And our friend would mention things to me that Charlotte had told her or show me pictures of places Charlotte and her husband had been. I was surprised that I knew nothing about what was happening in Charlotte’s life.

But please don’t assume that it is my fault. I get a message from Charlotte asking to watch her son, I go over there, and typically when she comes back, I go home. Sometimes we’ll have a conversation, but I’m usually sent on my way.

Now here’s an important detail I left out, Charlotte is pregnant. Her baby shower has now passed, and she did invite me to it -out of courtesy, I brought them the car seat off her registry. When I showed up, it was so awkward. I knew one person, our mutual friend.

When it came time for the games, I realized I knew NOTHING!!!! The “Who Knows Mommy Best” game asks whether mommy prefers mountains or beaches and does mommy drink coffee or tea. I had a 50/50 chance, and I played the odds. But other things like Babys full name? I knew the family name. Baby’s nursery theme? Not a clue. Baby’s due date? Soon-ish?!?

I felt angry, embarrassed, and humiliated. I wasn’t even mad at her. I blamed myself for not trying hard enough to have a friendship.

I reached out a few days ago to Charlotte, asking her how she was feeling and if she needed help getting ready for the baby. Thanks to the baby shower, I know her due date is soon. I got very short messages. It felt like I was bothering her. This is the worst thing and one of the main reasons I’m bad at texting: I never want to feel like a bother.

I accepted that I tried to reach out, but it didn’t go well. So I decided to cut my losses with this friendship.

Today, she messaged me asking if I could watch her son on the day she is supposed to give birth. I said No. Before even messaging me, she knew I had plans that day. You want to know how I know she knows because I made these plans with our mutual friend, with whom she talks regularly.

She told me how hard it is to find someone to watch her son and how she feels he doesn’t fully understand what’s happening. I feel like the bad person because I don’t know how hard it is to have a kid. I don’t have one. But if it is hard to care for one, why are you having another one?

Also, the due date is next week. Charlotte has known for most of April the exact date she is expected to have the baby. The baby shower was over two weeks ago. Many moms and moms-to-be will say, ” Oh well, babies never come on their actual due date; sometimes they arrive early.” This is a planned c-section.

Why is she waiting until now to ask me to watch her son? Should I watch him even though I have plans?

Posted in Creative

Teaching Myself to use Watercolor

Today I will blend some rules while teaching myself to use watercolor paint.

I like to think of myself as a creative person, but I’m not very good at the means of traditional art. I have an image in my head, and sometimes I have difficulty putting it on paper when drawing or painting. I’m also a little hard on myself since I’m a perfectionist.

Now I’ve seen a lot of videos about painting, and everyone says the same thing. Watercolor is harder to use, so I should start with acrylic paint. Controversial opinion, but I’m not too fond of acrylic paint. I like the control I have when using watercolors.

Thank god for the internet. I’ve learned different tricks and tips from watching YouTube and TikTok.

And these people are self-taught artists – I mean, every artist is probably self-taught. I mean, these people are definitely not art school graduates.

Now my goal isn’t to become the next Monet. I want to experiment with art without feeling like I’m wasting supplies or my time.

Now I didn’t rush out to buy expensive art supplies. I used the paint from a Target art supply kit, and a friend gifted me the paper.

I just used layers. I started with a thin detail brush and made a rough outline. I don’t like sketching with a pencil in watercolor painting because I don’t know how well I’ll be able to cover the pencil.

It was mostly layering colors, and I don’t know if there’s a word for this, but I would use a dry brush to remove paint when I thought it was too piled up.

I’m pleased with my results.

I need more practice. I want to experiment more and learn to paint bigger pieces of art. I would love to one day own my own house and have random art on the walls and have some of those be my art.

Posted in Lifestyle

10 Date Night Ideas That Won’t Break the Bank

Being a full-time student and a part-time worker I forget to make time for myself and even worse I forget to make time for my partner. 

As much as I would love for the two of us to go on fancy dates and spend over $100 easily on a nice dinner and some drinks. I’m poor. Lately our dates have been spending a good half hour trying to decide on a feature to watch, and falling asleep minutes into the intro of a movie we’d already seen.

So if you’re like me and my partner or maybe you’re just a bit more frugal I made a list of things to do in the LA and Long Beach area that are kind of cheap.  Most of these dates cost less than $100. 

  • Picnics

I love picnics. You plan what you want to take and you can go anywhere. We usually make sandwiches or salads but sometimes I mix it up. It all depends on the theme I’m feeling that day. Themes make picnics way more fun cause I can plan activities around the theme. 

  • Museums 

There’s something about just learning and walking around that just is so relaxing. Trips to local museums are typically pretty inexpensive, and are a great way to enjoy art and culture within your own city. I will always recommend going to a museum. 

  1. Pacific Island Ethnic Museum ($5 per person)
  2. Museum of Latin American Art ($15 per person)
  3. The Long Beach Museum of Art ($12 per person)
  4. The Getty (Currently Free)
  • Outdoor Movies

We go to a few different spots. Movies at the beach should be starting back soon since it’s almost summer. But for now we use these sites cause I dont always want to be in a movie theater. They do play old movies but I like it better than staying at home and watching netflix. 

  2. (usually have food trucks) 
  3. (if you love a classic drive-in theater)
  • South Coast Botanic Garden

It’s a pretty place to visit and have picnics on a regular day. But starting on May 25th on Thursdays they are bringing back their Sunset Series. It starts at 5pm and there’s music, food and games we went last year. It’s so fun and only $18 per person. 

Sunset Series
  • LA Smorgasburg

Giant Food Market, need I say more?!? You have to take at least $40 per person, you are going to want to try everything.

  • Angel City Brewery 

For all my 21+ LA babies. I love this place. They do sip and paint nights and other events

  • Golf N Stuff

Sometimes I want to act like a kid and just play minigolf. Their current 2hr wrist bands are $30 per person. Usually they are $40. It doesn’t seem like much but I’d rather save that $20 and spend it on food.

  • Pedal Boats

Ever since I saw 10 Things I Hate About You I have been obsessed with pedal boats. They have these all over the place and during covid they got so popular again. 

  • Happy Hour

Literally any happy hour makes me happy. Check out Playa Amor and Mercado and Bo Beau Kitchen (this one has gluten free and vegan options). I can’t currently remember if UOVO has a happy hour but it’s pretty cheap even without it. 

  • Go on a scavenger hunt at a department store

I’m definitely not original. I got this idea off of tiktok. My boyfriend and I did this in Target once, and it was one of the most entertaining and thoughtful date nights I’ve had in a while. The rules are simple: Grab a grocery cart, set a budget, grab your things and head separately to checkout. Were competitive so the “winner” was whoever checked out first. The goal of this scavenger hunt is to yield items you think that your partner would love. In the end we were both winners. The things we searched for:

1) Favorite drink
2) Favorite snack
3) Favorite color
4) Something that reminds you of them
5) Something that you think they need

Posted in Food and Beverage

Wookie Cookies

Happy May the Fourth!!!

I love science fiction and fantasy. I grew up watching Star Trek with my parents and later fell into Dr. Who and Star Wars. 

Now I’m not into it enough to get a tattoo for star wars, but it has a special place in my heart. 

I’d love to make an elaborate party and have everyone dress up in costumes. I would love to do a couple-costume with my partner. We would be the perfect R2-D2 and C-3PO. 

These cookies would be perfect for any Star Wars themed party or a Star Wars fan in your house. 

The Wookie Cookie is not a new idea. I’ve seen so many versions of this, and each one is so perfect. 

I started with a simple chocolate cookie recipe.


  • 1 cup unsalted butter
  • 1 cup sugar
  • 1 egg
  • 1 tablespoon vanilla 
  • 2 1/2 cup flour
  • 1/2 cup cocoa powder
  • 2 tablespoons baking powder
  • 1/2 teaspoon salt
  • Chocolate frosting 
  • Sprinkles


  1. Preheat oven to 350°F
  2. Beat butter and sugar until creamy. Mix in the egg and vanilla
  3. Combine flour, cocoa, baking powder, and salt in a separate bowl. 
  4. Add dry ingredients to wet and mix until well combined.
  5. Place dough onto a lightly floured parchment paper or baking mat. Roll the dough out to 1/4-inch thickness with a lightly floured rolling pin. 
  6. Use a cookie cutter to cut dough and press with a fork to make the fur.
  7. Bake for 7-10 minutes. Remove from oven and allow to rest for 10 minutes before decorating. 
  8. Once cookies are cooled, decorate as desired. I used a piping bag without a tip to pipe Chewbacca’s sash and then added sprinkles. 
Posted in Lifestyle

Being Productive

When do you feel most productive?

I used to feel that life was a game. There are stages of life that are individual level with different things we need to learn and complete before moving on. 

In the early years of our life, we learn right and wrong and how to use the restroom properly. We learn to be decent people and respectfully interact with others in school. We learn to be partners and parents, and we gain patience. As adults, our learning slows down, but it doesn’t stop. 

For a long while, it felt like I was stuck and watching others go on faster than me. I was doing nothing, unable to pass go and collect my $200. I wanted to give up multiple times, but I’ve learned it’s easier to think about ending things than actually doing anything.

Life is not a race.

Why should I or anyone stress ourselves out for life? I’m so tired of hearing, “Life is going to pass you by,” because I’m not doing things other people my age are doing. 

I may not be crossing things off my bucket list, but I’m being productive. 

If I asked you what being productive means, every person reading this would have a different answer. 

Maybe having a full schedule? Having babies and a house by a certain age? Crossing things off a never-ending checklist?

I used to think that’s what being productive was too.

To me, being productive isn’t about getting ALL the things done.

Being productive means making progress.

I love checklists, and I love the feeling of accomplishment. Finishing things off and putting a check in the completed box is satisfying. But some days, you can’t always get everything done. 

Sometimes I don’t think it’s the accomplishment I want, but control. Life is so crazy sometimes that I can control how my day will turn out if I have a list, which isn’t true.

So by just starting, I feel in control. Tackling minor problems makes it easier to handle everything else. 

I see myself as being productive if I spend my time in a way that aligns with my values.

That doesn’t mean getting everything done. 

Im not comparing myself to others anymore. I’m taking the steps to have the life I want and deserve. 

I don’t get up earlier or give myself a strict routine to follow. I spend my time intentionally. Between school and work, it is hard to do anything. I make time on my days off and work on bettering myself in my free time. 

I told myself that If I had time to doom scroll on social media, I had time to do something productive. I still use social media sometimes, but I limit my time there. 

Posted in Lifestyle

New Month, New Mindset

I hope the start of the month inspires you!

I always look at the beginning of a new month as a fresh start. You can start over every morning, but today is a new month to conquer your goals. There are so many lessons, changes, and beginnings waiting for us.

This month Im leaning toward believing that things will work out, and if they don’t, that’s not for me anyway. We must embrace the changes and struggles that happen in our life. Think of things you would like to do better and more for others, yourself, or change during this new month. Sometimes it will be hard to accept change; other times, it can be easy, but don’t fight it. Keep moving forward, and you will push through it.

It’s never too late to become who you want to be. I hope you live a life that you’re proud of, and if you find that you’re not, I hope you have the strength to start over.

-F. Scott Fitzgerald

Go into this new month with great expectations and

I hope everyone goes into this month loving and safe. Remember, you are human and will make mistakes, but how you respond to those mistakes makes you who you are. We are all a work in progress; all we can do is keep trying.

I believe in you.

Posted in Relationships

Back To the Basics Of Prayer

I don’t always post about my belief, but I have been part of a bible study group for a few months. I’ve slowly been trying to reconnect to my faith. 

I feel like I’m doing many things wrong, mostly praying. 

I am good at chatting with God (I’m very chatty!) but do not always seek His face appropriately. I lack in some regions of practicing prayer.

Seeking God’s face means desiring to know His character and wanting Him—His presence—more than anything He can give us.

The Christian prayer life can sometimes feel stale. I sometimes literally can’t pray properly. I feel like my mind drifts when trying to focus on prayer. If you’re like me, it doesn’t mean your faith is weak, or you’re doing something wrong—so don’t get hung up on it! It just happens.

I’m not here to tell you that you how to pray and I won’t tell you that “God only helps those who help themselves” (I’ve heard that and YIKES)

Using the ACTS methods of prayer can help you remember four critical topics for your prayers. ACTS stands for Adoration, Confession, Thanksgiving, Supplication. It is based on the Lord’s Prayer (Matthew 6) and has existed for at least a hundred years.

Let’s start at the beginning with Adoration.

Adoration (adoring HIM)

We must have deep love and respect for our God. We are to praise God for who he is. When praying, we must stay focused on HIM and tell him how much we love him. 

Examples of this are in the Bible.

Matthew 6:9, Psalm 84:1-2, 1 Chronicles 29:11

Confession (Repent)

Most Christians don’t do this, but we must confess our sins and ask forgiveness. Confessions help to renew your mind and your heart. 

Examples of this are in the Bible. 

Matthew 6:12, Jeremiah 10:23-24

Thanksgiving (Thank HIM.)

Thank God for all the beautiful things He has done. This is giving thanks in all circumstances and to strangers by being kind. We are living and breathing, and it’s all due to God.

Examples of this are in the Bible. 

1 Chronicles 16:8-9, Psalm 100:4


Bring requests for yourself and others to God and pray that God will be in all things. We are asking HIM for what we need. Sometimes we are so blinded by what we want that we miss what we need. 

Examples of this are in the Bible. 

Hewbrews 13:18, 1 Peter 5:7,

Suppliction makes me think of that song from The Princess and the Frog.

And they all knew what they wanted
What they wanted me to do
I told 'em what they needed
Just like I be telling you
You got to dig a little deeper
Find out who you are
You got to dig a little deeper
It really ain't that far

Unfortunately, we often spell our prayer life something like SCAT because we start with supplication and spend little time, if any, on Adoration, confession, and thanksgiving.

ACTS is a helpful acronym to focus your prayers, but there are many ways to pray.

I hope you find inspiration to help you go deeper in your prayer time with the Lord.

Posted in Lifestyle

It’s the little things

What are everyday things that bring you happiness?

With all things new, as Summer approaches, there has been a lot of LEARNING for me in the past few months.

I’m working on listening to my body, asking myself what type of person I want to be and how I want to show up in the world, and letting that be the guide for the decisions that I make a. Doing this led me to return to school and spend more time with friends and family.

The thing about stress is It steals your joy!

For years, I’ve over-functioned. I take on other people’s stress as my own and try to be helpful, ensuring everyone is okay. My problem is that I lost my ability to provide for my emotional needs. I got so out of tune with my emotions that I had breakdowns over minor things. Then I decided I was tired of having breakdowns and stopped feeling altogether. You guys know you’ve seen the post.

It’s A LOT!

I’m learning that sometimes others will just be disappointed when I put my own needs first, and I have to be okay with taking care of myself so that I have enough to give to others. Who knew?!  The life lessons keep coming over here, don’t they?! 

My current self-care has been reading, but between reading for school and working. I’m too tired to read for leisure. So I try to search for small moments of joy.

I’ve been working on a list of 12 favorite everyday practices for catching joy.

12 Things That Bring Me Joy

  1. Drinking a cup of iced coffee
  2. Going for brunch
  3. Spending time with my nieces and nephews
  4. Eating a charcuterie board
  5. Browsing in a bookstore
  6. Having my nails done
  7. Creating new recipes
  8. Baking in a kitchen
  9. Dressing up in vintage clothing
  10. Giving people compliments
  11. Spending quality time with my best friend
  12. Good makeup days

I can’t wait to hear what you come up with for your own list of things that bring you JOY.

Do at least one thing a day for yourself – your health and well-being matter!

Posted in Lifestyle

Book Challenge Update

At the beginning of the year, I mentioned I would do a book challenge.

If you’d like to do the challenge, it’s never too late; you can find it here.

After starting school again and getting back into the swing of things, it feels like I have a lot of time. And now that I’m going to start working again I won’t have any time for books.

I am still reading my books alphabetically, but I don’t plan to get through the whole alphabet or challenge soon. This sucks because reading over 95 authors last year made me feel like I could do anything this year. That was a little ambitious of me.

I just started reading Beyond the Wand by Tom Felton today. And I’m also planning to read Brutal Prince by Sophie Lark. This book is a little spicy, so I only recommend reading it if you are eighteen or over. On kindle unlimited, it’s illustrated—links to both are listed below.

Posted in Health and Wellness

Releasing Some Anger

The fact I understand my emotions and why I’m feeling them makes me the most frustrated. Most of the time, when I’m upset, I’m angry and disappointed and blame myself for what happened.

I’m trying to let go of my anger and resentment. I didn’t know I was carrying this anger until I had a few bible studies. I’m so angry at myself, my parents, and life. And having all of this emotional baggage is affecting my mental health.

Im angry after learning most of the classes I took in Sacramento were repeating courses of the ones I took in Long Beach the first time I went to school. I am angry that my stepmom, “who knew so much more than me,” picked my classes. I am angry I let her pick my classes. I am mad about moving to Sacramento in the first place.

Angry that I constantly give up when things get complicated. And I let myself not do something like study, fill out necessary forms, work out, or put effort into my blog or business—one wrong decision after the other. And I don’t hold myself accountable. I allow myself to be lazy because it’s easier than trying.

Angry that I constantly allow evil thoughts to win. I’m too old for school, stupid, and untrainable.

I am angry that all of these things happened because I allowed my dad and his wife put a lot of doubt in me. I let them control my life and treat me like a child instead of an adult.

I never got an apology, but I only got excuses from my dad. All my dad is good for is excuses for not being around when I was a kid, for not standing up for me when I lived with him, and for cheating on my mom.

Angry that I keep acting like a victim.

Angry, I don’t know how to fully erase them from my life without looking like the bad guy.

How do I let it go? How do I surrender this anger to god, the universe, or whatever you call it?

I think admitting that there was something more behind my depression has helped. There are many things I’m angry about that are happening now too. But these are the things I’ve been carrying with me for a few years now. These are the things I need to acknowledge before I can work on my present or my future; I need to forgive my past.