Posted in Lifestyle

Apparently, Having a Baby Is Selfish Now

Advertisements

There’s a discussion happening on TikTok—or maybe it’s already been happening, and I’m just finally noticing it because I’m pregnant—but apparently being pregnant, or even wanting to be pregnant, is selfish.

There are so many comments saying, ā€œYou should have adopted,ā€ or ā€œYou should have been a foster parent,ā€ or that people are just trying to fill some part of themselves by giving a child something they never got. Then there’s the whole argument that the world is shit, politics are shit, and this child isn’t going to have anything anyway.

And my genuine question is:Ā At what point in history was it actually a good time to have children?

Genuinely asking.

Because there’s never been a point in human history where the world was perfect. There has always been war, poverty, political instability, disease, economic problems, and people convinced that the world was going to hell. Somehow, people still fell in love, got married, had children, built families, and kept going.

Then there’s the other side of the discussion where apparently you’re selfish because the child ā€œdidn’t ask to be born.ā€ That you’re having a child for your legacy. That you’re having a child because you want someone to love you unconditionally. That you’re trying to recreate your childhood or give a child everything you never had.

And maybe some people do have children for those reasons. But that doesn’t mean everyone does.

Not every person who has a baby sat down and thought, ā€œHow can I selfishly fulfill my emotional needs?ā€ Sometimes people genuinely want to raise children. Sometimes they want a family. Sometimes they just love the idea of being a parent. And yes, sometimes pregnancies are accidents. Not every child is the result of some perfectly calculated five-year plan.

And honestly, a lot of this feels like another form of misogyny to me because somehow the blame always lands on the woman.

The woman is selfish for getting pregnant.
The woman is selfish for wanting children.
The woman is selfish for having another child.
The woman is selfish for not adopting instead.

But where is the same energy for the dad?

Because somehow pregnancy is treated like this moral decision that women are solely responsible for making, even though it generally takes two people to create a baby.

And God forbid you want more than one child. Then apparently you and your partner are selfish because you’re bringing another person into the world, and never mind what the actual family wants. According to these people, having another child is somehow inherently taking something away from the children you already have.

I also don’t think people understand how difficult adoption and fostering actually are.

My family has adopted and fostered, so this isn’t something I’m saying from ignorance. These processes can take years. There are home studies, paperwork, background checks, training, court processes, waiting periods, and so many other things involved. You cannot just walk into an agency and say, ā€œI don’t want to have a biological child, give me one.ā€

And adoption and fostering aren’t supposed to be alternatives you choose because you want a baby. They’re about providing a home for children who already exist and need one.

I actually do want to foster and potentially adopt in the future. It’s something Hector and I have talked about doing once we’re settled, have a home, and are in a position where we can genuinely provide for multiple children. But that doesn’t mean I shouldn’t have my own biological child.

And the part that really gets me is seeing people who call themselves feminists and pro-choice making these arguments.

Because what happened toĀ choice?

You don’t have to want children. You don’t have to have children. You don’t have to understand why someone else wants children. But if someone makes the choice to become a parent, why are we suddenly treating that choice as morally wrong?

It also feels like we’re becoming a society that increasingly just hates children.

There’s no community anymore. There’s no village.

When I was growing up, my siblings and I played with the kids in the neighborhood. And if we did something wrong, our neighbors knew my mom. They could tell us to go home. They could tell my mom what happened. There was this understanding that the adults in the community were all responsible for looking out for the kids.

Now it feels like people want to be part of your life right up until you become pregnant.

I had a friend who wanted to reconnect with me, but after I got pregnant, she basically told me we couldn’t meet up anymore because she wanted to go to bars and drink.

And I told her,Ā you can drink. I just won’t.

I can still go to dinner. I can still hang out. I can still have conversations. I can still be your friend. I’m just pregnant.

I’ve had people tell me my life is over.

I’ve had people act like becoming a mother means I’m no longer going to be a person.

And honestly, I think that’s what bothers me the most about this entire conversation.

You can choose not to have children. You can think having children is selfish. You can decide that parenthood isn’t for you.

But maybe we could stop treating people who genuinely want to be parents like they’ve committed some moral offense by bringing another human being into the world.

Because I’m pregnant.

And my life isn’t over.

It’s just changing.

Posted in Lifestyle

I Forgot I Hired My Niece

Advertisements

So, pre-pregnancy and before moving, I had this whole plan to get a cottage food license. I wanted to sell pies, bread, and homemade butter at farmers markets.

Which farmers market?

I have no idea.

I had not gotten that far.

Also, I’m pretty sure I can’t actually sell the butter under the cottage food laws, but that is a problem for Future Me because, at the time, I was very much in my entrepreneurial era.

The farmers market was supposed to be the starting point for a much bigger dream. My plan was basically:

Farmers market → cafĆ© → bed and breakfast.

Because why stop at selling pies when I could eventually own an entire establishment?

I’ve worked in the hotel business, so the idea of eventually having my own bed and breakfast has always sounded amazing to me. I want to be both Sookie and Lorelai in this situation. I want the cute little cafĆ©, the baked goods, the cozy inn, the quirky regulars, and apparently a life that sounds like it belongs in a television show.

And I Had a Whole Business Plan

The funniest part is that I actually had this planned out.

I had an entire Google Doc dedicated to the idea. Starting costs, licenses I would need, company names, what I wanted to sell, and all the other little details I had thought about.

And now?

Gone.

I have no idea where it is.

Because apparently I can remember a completely unnecessary piece of information from 2009, but I cannot remember where I put the document containing my potential future business.

Digitally, I am somehow still disorganized.

Then I remembered that I had told my niece she was going to be my financial partner.

I wanted her to be the money person while I handled customer service, recipes, and basically everything else. By the time I actually got to the point of opening the cafƩ, she would probably be somewhere in the middle of college or possibly finished.

And honestly, now that I’m pregnant, that timeline makes even more sense.

The cottage food laws only allow you to make around $30,000 a year, depending on the specifics, and while $30,000 sounds great in theory, that is not exactly cafƩ money. Equipment alone can cost a ridiculous amount of money.

So I always saw the cottage food business as the first step. Start small, sell at farmers markets, figure out what people actually like, build a customer base, save money, and eventually turn it into the cafƩ.

Then the cafƩ becomes the stepping stone to the bed and breakfast.

Again, apparently I do not know how to have a normal hobby.

Apparently My Niece Was Listening

This is where the story gets funny.

On my niece’sĀ first day of school, she apparently wrote on her board that she wanted to be her aunt’s financial partner.

And I was like, ā€œWhich aunt?ā€

And she said, ā€œYou.ā€

And I just stood there thinking…

Oh.

Yeah.

I did say that.

I completely forgot.

She did not.

Apparently this child has been sitting there mentally preparing for her position in my imaginary future company while I’m over here trying to remember where I saved the Google Doc.

I love that she actually remembered this conversation because I genuinely meant it when I said it. I just apparently did not expect her to remember it better than I did.

So now I guess I have a financial partner.

I just need to find the business plan.

Somehow, somewhere, there is a Google Doc containing the blueprint for my future cafƩ and bed and breakfast, and I am determined to find it.

Blame it on the baby brain. Blame it on everything that has happened this year. Blame it on the fact that I have apparently been trying to plan an entire business empire while simultaneously preparing to have a baby.

But I really need to find that document because apparently my niece is already taking her future position seriously.

At least one of us is organized.

Posted in Lifestyle

I’m Too Pregnant to Watch Sad Movies

Advertisements

What’s the last movie that made you cry?

The last movie that made me cry wasĀ Hamnet, because I had read the book and then decided to rewatch the movie. And obviously, knowing what was coming did absolutely nothing to prepare me for it.

But before that, it wasĀ The Sheep Detectives, which honestly caught me completely off guard. I was not expecting to get that emotionally invested in a movie about sheep, but apparently that’s where we are.

Lately, though, I’ve been avoiding certain movies likeĀ Voicemails for Isabelle,Ā Girls Like Girls, andĀ Remarkably Bright Creatures. And I’m sure there are more sitting on my list that I’m conveniently pretending don’t exist.

Because I KNOW these movies are going to make me cry, and I just don’t think I can handle crying at 8 months pregnant. I’m already emotional enough without voluntarily putting myself through a two-hour emotional breakdown.

At this point, I need movies that are funny, mildly entertaining, and emotionally safe. If the main character loses someone, gets sick, finds an old letter, reunites with a long-lost family member, or has any sort of beautiful emotional realization, I’m OUT. I have a baby to grow and enough hormones to deal with.

Posted in Lifestyle

My Pregnancy Crimes

Advertisements

Apparently, according to my doctor, I have already been a bad mom—and the baby isn’t even here yet.

There are plenty of things I wasĀ supposedĀ to do during this pregnancy that I either didn’t do, didn’t do consistently, or just flat-out ignored.

For starters, my skincare routine? Basically nonexistent. Exercise? Let’s not pretend. I also definitely didn’t wear my compression socks for as long as I probably should have.

I was also apparently supposed to eat more protein. The problem is that this baby has decided that meat is unacceptable unless it is somehow disguised as a sandwich. Chicken? Sometimes. Anything else? Absolutely not. So if the baby doesn’t want meat, I’m not exactly going to wrestle with my unborn child over a steak.

I also didn’t heat my lunch meat. Yes, I know. The pregnancy police are coming for me.

I didn’t play classical music to my belly either. I playedĀ myĀ music. Sometimes loudly. Apparently, I’ve heard that loud music can affect the baby’s eardrums in the womb, so add that to my growing list of offenses.

I drank herbal tea. I drank coffee. I drank coconut water. I drank orange juice. According to my doctor, these are all supposedly terrible choices for me. I’m still trying to figure out how coconut water became the villain, but apparently even hydration has rules now.

And then there’s the gestational diabetes.

Supposedly, I have it, yet I’ve eaten cake, cookies, and ice cream during this pregnancy, and my glucose numbers have still come back normal. I’ve even made my own soda with seltzer water and sugar-free syrups because apparently I needed to find a way to recreate the experience of drinking a fancy soda while still pretending I’m being responsible.

I’ve eaten seafood. I’ve eaten sushi. I’ve eaten lettuce. I’ve eaten eggs—even though eggs have been recalled at various points during this pregnancy. I’ve eaten Mexican candy that has apparently been found to contain lead. At this point, I feel like I’ve managed to violate an entire pregnancy handbook.

And then there are the baby things.

I’ve bought things for the baby before she was born, which my parents insist is bad luck because infant death is a thing. Apparently, I’m supposed to wait until after the baby arrives to prepare for the possibility that she’ll actually need the things I’m buying for her. That logic has never made sense to me, but here we are.

I’ve also driven while pregnant enough that my stomach has basically been sitting on the steering wheel. Probably not ideal. But when you’re trying to get somewhere, you’re trying to get somewhere.

So when I look back at this pregnancy, I realize I haven’t exactly been the picture-perfect pregnant woman.

I didn’t have the perfect skincare routine. I didn’t exercise like I was supposed to. I didn’t wear my compression socks enough. I didn’t eat enough protein. I didn’t heat my lunch meat. I didn’t play classical music for my belly. I drank coffee and herbal tea. I drank orange juice and coconut water. I ate cake, cookies, ice cream, sushi, seafood, eggs, lettuce, and questionable Mexican candy. I bought baby stuff early. I played my music loud. And yes, I drove with my stomach practically touching the steering wheel.

And somehow, this baby is still in there, growing away, apparently perfectly content.

Maybe pregnancy isn’t about doing every single thing perfectly. Maybe it’s about doing the best you can with the information, energy, appetite, and circumstances you have at the time.

Because if pregnancy has taught me anything, it’s that there is always going to be another rule you didn’t follow, another food you shouldn’t have eaten, another thing you should have done differently, and another person ready to tell you about it.

If this is what being a ā€œbad momā€ looks like, I guess I’ve already started preparing for motherhood.

And honestly? I’m pretty sure I’m going to keep disappointing the parenting police.

Posted in Lifestyle

The Baby Shower Was Better Than Expected

Advertisements

The baby shower was Saturday, and honestly, it turned out so much better than I expected.

Sure, over 20 people didn’t show up. A few of my friends had already warned me they wouldn’t be able to make it, some because they were coming from the other side of the country and the timing just didn’t work out. Then there was apparently a storm affecting travel, and a couple of people had last-minute obligations that were, understandably, way more important than a party.

But you know what?Ā The people who did show up showed up.Ā And I’m so grateful for every single one of them.

We ended up takingĀ over 400 picturesĀ on my camera, which I absolutely love. I’m still uploading and going through everything, but there are so many good pictures. It’s one of those things I know I’m going to treasure years from now.

And something I was genuinely surprised about?Ā Everybody actually played the games!

I was fully expecting people to politely sit there while I tried to convince them to participate, but nope. Everybody got involved, everybody had fun, and the games actually went over really well.

We even had some food left over, although nowhere near the amount we had after the wedding. I think I finally learned my lesson about cupcakes, though. I’m officially done buying cupcakes for parties. Nobody ever eats them! šŸ˜‚

The fruit table, on the other hand, was a huge hit. We had an entire table dedicated to fruit, and people absolutely loved it. So I feel like that was one decision I definitely got right.

I also opened my gifts, but I didn’t really get a chance to go through everything afterward. So now I’m actually excited to unpack everything and see what I got as I put everything away. It’s almost like getting to open the gifts all over again.

We came back Sunday, and let me tell you:Ā having two days back-to-back without a nap absolutely destroyed me.Ā I slept basically the entire 17th. Apparently my body decided it had officially had enough socializing and needed to collect the sleep debt immediately.

But even with how exhausted I was, it was so much fun.

And honestly, I’m especially proud of how everything turned out because this was a DIY party. You really couldn’t tell—or at least I don’t think you could.

People were asking me about the arches. They were asking about how I set up the food. They were complimenting the centerpieces. And every time someone asked how we did something, I got to say, ā€œOh, we did that.ā€

I did the centerpieces. I did the decorations. I did the food setup. I did pretty much everything.

And by ā€œwe,ā€ I mean me, and a few friends , and whatever TikTok tutorials I happened to find. šŸ˜‚

Honestly, I love that people couldn’t immediately tell that so much of it was DIY. I spent so much time stressing over the little details, so seeing everything come together—and seeing everyone actually enjoy it—made it completely worth it.

After all the RSVP stress, the last-minute changes, the shopping disasters, the food revisions, the decorations, the traveling, and all the worrying about whether people would even show up…

The people who mattered were there. We had fun. We made memories. And I got over 400 pictures to prove it.

I really couldn’t have asked for a better baby shower.

Posted in Lifestyle

Mattress Stores

Advertisements

What’s a conspiracy theory you actually find believable?

I’ve always found conspiracy theories fascinating because they make ordinary things seem suspicious. And, honestly, there’s one conspiracy theory I genuinely believe: mattress stores are money-laundering fronts.

Think about it. How can there be so many mattress stores when you rarely see anyone actually buying mattresses? You can drive down a major street and somehow find multiple stores selling essentially the same giant rectangles of foam and springs. Yet they stay open, often with enormous showrooms and almost no customers. Where is all that money coming from?

I know there are perfectly reasonable explanations. Mattresses have high profit margins, stores don’t need constant foot traffic, and people tend to replace mattresses infrequently. But that doesn’t stop my brain from connecting the dots.

Maybe I’m completely wrong. Maybe mattress stores are just legitimate businesses with terrible locations and suspiciously empty parking lots. But until someone convinces me otherwise, I’m keeping an eye on those mattresses.

Posted in Lifestyle

Utility bills

Advertisements

What’s a moment when you realized you were officially an adult?

The first time I felt like a real adult was when I had to set up and pay my first utility bill. I remember feeling completely overwhelmed because I honestly had no idea where to start. I didn’t know how to set up utilities, what information I needed, when the bills were due, or even how I was supposed to pay them. It was one of those moments when I realized that being an adult comes with a lot of responsibilities that nobody really teaches you about.

After figuring it out, I felt proud of myself. It may seem like a small thing, but learning how to manage my own bills made me feel independent and responsible. It was definitely a learning experience, and it taught me that sometimes being an adult simply means figuring things out as you go. That first utility bill was a small step toward becoming more confident and independent.

Posted in Lifestyle

So… Who’s Actually Coming to My Baby Shower?

Advertisements

So what’s the point of having an RSVP on a baby shower invitation when no one RSVPs anymore?

It’s the day before my baby shower, and I honestly have no idea who is coming.

I rented a venue because everyone complained about the parking situation at my wedding, which was held at my friend’s house with street parking. I thought I was doing the considerate thing this time by renting an actual venue and making parking easier for everyone. I invited over 80 people, and somehow, the day before the shower, I still don’t know who will actually be there.

And I’m stressing out.

I’m spending money I don’t really have. I don’t have a job right now, and while Hector has more than enough to cover the cost, most of the people invited are my family and friends. So I’m the one sitting here worrying about whether I have enough food, enough drinks, enough seats, enough of everything.

And I keep asking myself: why?

Baby showers used to be so much simpler. The parents weren’t expected to provide an entire event. Now I’ve spent over $300 just on game prizes, centerpieces, balloons, and decorations—and that’s with me doing most of the DIY myself.

I knew throwing a baby shower would cost money, but I don’t think I fully understood how much of the stress comes from trying to plan for people who won’t even tell you if they’re coming.

I’m trying to prepare food for 80+ people while having absolutely no idea if I’ll have 30 people show up or 70. I don’t want to run out of anything, but I also don’t want to spend even more money preparing for people who ultimately don’t come.

And that’s what makes me frustrated about the whole RSVP situation.

If you aren’t coming, just say you aren’t coming. If you are coming, please tell me you’re coming. I promise I’m not asking because I’m trying to keep track of you. I’m asking because I have to buy food.

At this point, I keep saying I am never doing anything that requires me to rent a venue for a party again.

But then I think about my daughter growing up, and I know there will probably be plenty of birthdays and milestones where I’ll want to celebrate her. I don’t want her to feel like she missed out just because her mom decided party planning was too stressful.

Maybe I just want to do things differently.

Instead of spending thousands of dollars on a birthday party every year, I’d rather give her experiences. Maybe one year we take her to Disney. Maybe she gets a Yes Day where she gets to pick everything we do. Maybe we take a family trip somewhere she’s always wanted to visit.

I think those are the things I want her to remember.

Not necessarily the decorations. Not the balloon arches. Not whether the cake matched the invitations. And definitely not how much her parents spent on a party.

I want her to remember that we celebrated her.

But right now, the lesson I’m taking from this baby shower is that I am exhausted from trying to please everyone else.

I wanted to make things easier for people by renting a venue. I wanted everyone to have enough food and drinks. I wanted the decorations to look nice. I wanted the games to be fun. I wanted everything to be perfect.

And somewhere in all of that, I forgot that this is supposed to be a celebration for me and my baby too.

Maybe next time I need to remember that

P.S.Ā I’m starting to think it’s just a bad omen whenever I decide to throw a party. At this point, this feels like strike three. Every time I plan a big event, something goes wrong, and somehow I keep convincing myself that the next one will be different.

Maybe I should finally take the hint and accept that large parties just aren’t my thing.

.

Posted in Lifestyle

The Baby Shower Is in 3 Days… Send Help

Advertisements

We are officiallyĀ 3 days away from the baby shower!Ā 

I’m back in California, and I will gladly take the Vegas heat over California humidity. Mostly because my mom gave me a silk press before I left Vegas, and this humidity absolutely ruined it. But anyway… onto the main event becauseĀ countdown mode is definitely activated!

On Monday, I started making the soaps that will be part of the goodie bags. It’s a simple melt-and-pour method, so I’m not exactly rebuilding the wheel here.

I’m very thankful that back in June I bought a lot of the things I needed and left myself a very clear list of what still needed to be done and brought to California. At this point, it’s mostly food, candy for the goodie bags, and things needed for the games. Nothing too crazy, right?

Except when Walmart cancels your order, your local Target has some things but not everything, and Amazon suddenly decides to delay your arrival date… suddenly everything feels overwhelming.

So today’s plan is to make the cookies for the baby shower, finish the centerpieces, and attempt to set up the arches I brought.

Did I ever post my full meltdown about how these background arches people rent areĀ $300+ and that doesn’t even include the balloons?!Ā Because as the DIY baddie that I am, I found the arches, covers for the arches, and balloons on AliExpress and Temu. And everything arrived looking exactly like it did online. An absolute GODSEND, if I do say so myself.

I still need to order the pinwheels and cupcakes from Sam’s Club, make the chicken salad, and decide if I want to do a little baby cake for me and Hector just for pictures.

But I’m honestly leaning toward skipping the cake because the more food I have left over, the more food I have to figure out who can take home—or whether it’s going in the trash—because I’m literally going back to Vegas the next day.

And then there’s the whole RSVP situation. Nobody is RSVPing or messagingĀ me. They’re messaging my mom. Which has been… slightly stressful.

I posted about this before, and one of my cousins, who is kind of a bitch, responded, ā€œWell, you don’t respond anyway.ā€

No, bitch.Ā I don’t respond to YOU. There’s a difference.Ā 

Posted in Lifestyle

I Wish Schools Still Taught Home Ec

Advertisements

What’s a thing you wish schools actually taught?

I wish schools still taught home economics. There’s something about watching kids leave high school and realizing that some of them genuinely don’t know how to do basic adult things that makes me think,Ā maybe we should bring this class back.

I know the argument is that it’s the parents’ responsibility to teach their kids how to be functioning adults. And, to a degree, I completely agree. As a parent, it will be my responsibility to teach my daughter how to take care of herself, manage money, cook, clean, do laundry, and generally navigate life.

But I wouldĀ loveĀ for there to be a class at school that could teach my kid something I don’t know how to do.

Because that’s the thing about home ec that I think gets lost when people talk about it today. It wasn’t simplyĀ ā€œhere’s a recipe, now make dinner.ā€Ā At least historically, these classes could cover a surprisingly broad range of practical skills.

Some schools hadĀ simulated homes, with mock living spaces, kitchens with multiple workstations and appliances, and sewing areas where students could actually practice the things they were learning.

There wereĀ practical labsĀ where students learned things like setting a table, doing laundry, ironing, sewing, and constructing garments. You weren’t just sitting at a desk memorizing information. You were actually learning how to do things.

The curriculum could also coverĀ food and nutrition, including meal planning, baking, and cooking. There were lessons onĀ clothing and textiles, such as reading patterns and operating a sewing machine. And there could even be lessons onĀ child care, budgeting, and managing a household.

Now, obviously, some of the old curriculum is incredibly outdated.

I don’t need my daughter learning how to be a perfect housewife whose primary goal is to support her husband. And I definitely don’t think the solution is bringing back a class where girls learn to cook and sew while boys go off and learn something else.

I think everyone should take it.

Boys need to know how to do laundry. Girls need to know how to change a tire. Boys should know how to cook. Girls should know how to balance a budget. Everyone should know how to sew on a button, clean a bathroom, grocery shop, understand basic nutrition, and take care of a home.

And honestly, I’d love for the curriculum to go even further than the traditional home ec classes did.

Teach kids how to make a budget. How credit cards and interest work. How to read a lease before signing it. How to grocery shop without spending your entire paycheck on snacks. How to meal plan. How to do basic sewing and clothing repairs. How to properly clean different surfaces. How to read a nutrition label. Basic cooking techniques instead of just following recipes. Maybe even basic car maintenance and household repairs.

Because there are so many things we assume kids will just magically learn once they become adults.

And sometimes they don’t.

Not because their parents don’t care. Sometimes their parents weren’t taught either. Sometimes they’re working constantly and don’t have the time. Sometimes a kid grows up in a household where certain skills just aren’t needed often enough to learn them. And sometimes you simply don’t know what you don’t know.

That’s why I don’t see a practical-life-skills class as replacing parents. I see it asĀ another resource for parents and kids.

If I can teach my daughter how to cook, great. If her school can teach her how to sew, budget, change a tire, understand a lease, or safely use a power tool, even better.

I don’t want to recreate 1950s home economics.

I want to take the useful parts of it, throw away the outdated gender roles, and create a modernĀ ā€œhow to be a functioning adultā€Ā class.

Honestly, I think I’d sign up for it now. There are definitely things I still don’t know how to do.