Category: Body & Being

Mental wellness, self-kindness, routines, rest, and navigating life gently

Posted in Body & Being

A Year Later, I’m Still Learning to Rest

Posted on by Eryn 🐰
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Last year, I answered the prompt, “How are you treating your body this month? What does your body need to feel better?” by saying I needed rest, relaxation, better meals, better sleep, and more movement.

And honestly? If we’re doing a little annual progress report, I’d say… some things have changed. Some things absolutely have not.

I am definitely eating better meals this year, so go me! One point for personal growth.

Better sleep, though? Yeah. About that.

I’m not a side sleeper. I have never been a side sleeper. And despite spending this entire pregnancy being told that I should sleep on my side, I still hate it. My body is basically like, “Oh, you want me to sleep in the position I have spent my entire life avoiding? While also being nine months pregnant? Fun.”

So better sleep is probably going to have to remain a future goal.

And really, the biggest thing my body needs right now to feel better is pretty simple:

I need to give birth.

According to the baby books, a lot of these aches and pains should start going away once the baby is actually outside of me. Of course, I’m sure they’ll be replaced by an entirely new collection of aches and pains because apparently motherhood comes with a complimentary subscription to Back Pain™.

But honestly? Fine.

I’ll take the newborn-induced exhaustion and whatever other fun little postpartum surprises are waiting for me if it means I can stop carrying an entire person around in my abdomen.

The funny thing is, though, throughout this entire pregnancy, I really have been taking better care of my body. Since finding out I was pregnant, I’ve been much more aware of when I need to slow down, rest, eat something decent, or just generally stop expecting myself to function like a normal human when I am, in fact, growing another human.

When I was staying with my parents, I was actually pretty good at relaxing. Everything outside of the little bubble of me, my parents, and their dog stressed me out, but as long as I was home with them, I was fine. I could settle into that little bubble and just… be.

Now I’m back in California and without that safety net, I know it would be really easy to fall back into my usual habits of constantly doing something, worrying about something, or convincing myself that I should be doing more.

So I’m going to have to force myself to keep relaxing.

Not “I’ll relax after I finish this one thing.”

Not “I’ll rest once everything is taken care of.”

Not “I’ll just quickly do this first.”

Actually. Relax.

Because if there is one thing pregnancy has taught me, it’s that my body is going to do what it needs to do whether I have a five-point productivity plan for the day or not.

And maybe that’s the real answer to this year’s prompt.

My body needs good food. It needs movement when I’m able. It definitely needs better sleep, although we’ll circle back to that one after the baby arrives.

But more than anything, my body needs me to stop treating rest like something I have to earn.

So, for the rest of this pregnancy and hopefully beyond, I’m going to try to be a little gentler with myself.

Even if my body is currently shaped like a tired little question mark.

Posted in Body & Being

The Postpartum Tradition I Want to Try

Posted on by Eryn 🐰
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I genuinely can’t remember if I’ve already talked about this, so if I have, congratulations: you’re getting the SomePunnyBunny repost nobody asked for.

I’ve been looking into the 40-day postpartum recovery tradition, sometimes called la cuarentena. The basic idea is rest, warmth, nourishment, and community—Mom stays home, avoids strenuous activity, eats nourishing foods, and if possible lets family take care of the cooking and cleaning while she focuses on recovering and bonding with the baby.

The more I learn about it, the more I think, honestly… I kind of want that.

The first time I heard about it, I honestly didn’t really understand it. My parents had mentioned it but my mom only got to stay home a month postpartum. And aside from my parents, nobody I know has really done this, so I started looking into it.

And honestly? I kind of want to try it.

Now, before anyone thinks I’m planning to survive exclusively on chicken soup and chamomile tea for 40 days, no. I will absolutely be eating other food. I just want to make a conscious effort to eat a lot of warm, nourishing food during those first few weeks.

Which actually works out pretty well considering this baby is supposed to show up at the end of September.

I know some of the reasoning behind these traditions isn’t necessarily backed by modern scientific evidence. My friends have reminded me that eating soup and drinking tea isn’t some medically proven postpartum recovery plan.

And they might be right.

But I also don’t really see the harm in trying something that feels comforting, nourishing, and culturally meaningful to me.

And if eating soup and drinking tea works well enough when I’m sick why won’t it work post pregnancy? 

You have to think about what your body just went through. Pregnancy requires a ridiculous amount of nutrients and energy, and then you give birth and suddenly your body is recovering while also trying to figure out hormones, healing, sleep deprivation, and potentially producing breast milk.

I like the idea of giving my body warm, homemade, nutrient-dense food while it’s doing all of that.

And when I say soup, I don’t mean opening a can of chicken noodle soup and calling it a day.

I mean homemade postpartum soup.

A lot of the postpartum food traditions I’ve been reading about recommend things like caldo de pollo (chicken soup), caldo de res (beef soup), atole, oatmeal, herbal teas like chamomile, and generally avoiding really greasy or heavy foods.

And honestly, some of that sounds pretty good to me.

I also keep seeing people talk about focusing on protein and nutrient-dense foods postpartum, which makes sense to me. I’m not expecting a magical soup or a lactation cookie to suddenly fix everything. I just want to eat food that actually gives my body something useful.

My friend has very kindly offered to help make food for me, which I appreciate SO much. Unfortunately, she is not really a soup person.

So now I have to figure out what exactly to ask her to make because I do not want to be ungrateful, and I will happily accept basically any help I can get.

But I’m also planning on batch-making a bunch of soup and freezing it as soon as I get to California.

Because I want to try this.

Maybe I’ll make it the full 40 days.

Maybe I’ll make it 30.

Maybe I’ll make it 20 and decide I am absolutely sick of soup and need a cheeseburger.

I don’t know.

But I want to give myself the opportunity to try.

And I know other people have had babies without doing any of this. I know some people are going to read this and think it sounds silly. Maybe it is. Maybe some of these traditions really are just old wives’ tales.

But I don’t think everything has to be scientifically proven before I’m allowed to try it.

If something makes me feel cared for, helps me prioritize nutrition, gives me something comforting to look forward to, and doesn’t hurt me, why not?

This is also where I’m realizing that I’m going to have to start getting comfortable telling people no.

Because everyone is going to have an opinion.

My friends have opinions. My family has opinions. People online have opinions. People who have had five kids are going to tell me what worked for them. Lactation people are going to tell me what worked for them. Random women at the grocery store will probably have opinions.

And I can listen to all of it.

But listening doesn’t mean I have to do it.

This is my first pregnancy. I’m figuring things out as I go. I’m going to research things, listen to people I trust, talk to my doctors, and then make my own decisions.

Maybe some things I try will work.

Maybe some things won’t.

Maybe I’ll get three days into my beautiful postpartum soup tradition and order Taco Bell.

Honestly, anything is possible.

But I do want to give myself permission to do this my way.

Because if I don’t start learning how to set those boundaries now, I’m going to have a very hard time raising my kid the way I want to raise them.

Posted in Body & Being

Ending August Off With a Bang

Posted on by Eryn 🐰
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So we are ending August off with a bang.

I haven’t confirmed anything yet, but I think I may have a fungal infection, which apparently is pretty common during pregnancy. And if you’ve had one before, pregnancy can apparently make it worse. So I don’t really know where I stand with that yet, but I do know that lately I’ve been having a lot of dry, flaky patches popping up on my skin.

And when I say dry, I mean DRY.

No matter how much moisturizer I put on them, they stay dry and flaky. There’s also some skin discoloration, and no matter how much I scrub these areas in the shower, they still look exactly the same.

At this point, that can only mean one thing: something is going on.

I think I’ve already posted about how I haven’t really been able to visit a doctor while I’ve been here, and of course, I didn’t think to schedule an appointment while I was in California because apparently remembering basic things is too much to ask of me.

But dry, flaky skin combined with changes in skin color can be a symptom of tinea versicolor, which is a common, non-contagious fungal infection caused by an overgrowth of yeast on the surface of the skin. That doesn’t necessarily mean that’s what I have, but considering what my skin has been doing lately, it’s definitely something I want to have checked out.

The good news is I’ll be going back to California in about 10 days, so I’m going to schedule a doctor’s appointment for when I get back and hopefully get an actual answer instead of playing dermatologist with Google.

Until then, I’m going to try a few things at home and see if anything helps.

So for now, I’m off to buy Nizoral shampoo because apparently a LOT of people online recommend it for this. Hopefully it helps, but either way, I’m definitely going to have this checked out once I’m back in California.

Because apparently pregnancy wasn’t already giving me enough things to keep track of. Now my skin has decided it wants to join the party.

Posted in Body & Being

Little Things I’m Doing for a Spring Reset

Posted on by Eryn 🐰
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I know, I know… I just made a whole post about spring fashion. But now I’m second-guessing myself. Is it actually spring yet? I mean, we just did the whole “spring forward” daylight saving time thing, which feels like it should mean spring is officially here.

Also, can someone please explain why I’m almost 30 and still don’t know if it’s daylight saving or daylight savings time? And while we’re at it… when does this time change nonsense actually stop? Every year the news says, “This might be the last year!” and every year… it is very much not the last year.

Sorry. Ranting Eren was activated. That was not the point of this post.

The actual point of this post is my spring reset. Winter is over, the seasonal depresso espresso era is (hopefully) behind us, and I’m trying to reset a few habits for the season. Nothing extreme, nothing unrealistic—just a few little things I’m doing to feel a bit healthier and happier.

Here’s what my spring reset is looking like this year.

1. Move Every Day

My biggest motivation for this one? Two overly excited puppies.

Honestly, if you really want to commit to moving more, I highly recommend getting not one but two chaotic dogs who demand walks. Suddenly you’re outside every day whether you planned to be or not—because if you don’t take them out, they will absolutely destroy your house.

It’s the most effective fitness accountability system I’ve ever had.

2. Drink More Water

This sounds simple, but it’s one of those habits I constantly have to remind myself about.

My current goal is to drink three of my Hydro bottles a day. They’re only 24 oz, so it’s not like I’m doing anything wild here. But considering my natural daily beverage rotation is usually 3–5 coffees with occasional water appearances, this still feels like progress.

Small wins count.

3. Eat for Health

My mom’s health situation recently really lit a fire under me to start taking my own health more seriously. Because of that, I’m planning to try a 40-day zero-sugar diet.

And let me tell you right now… I already hate it.

But I’m hoping it helps reset my habits a bit and makes me more mindful about what I’m eating. Wish me luck because I am going to need it.

4. Plant a Garden

This is also on my March bucket list.

I haven’t actually gotten around to doing it yet, but my goal is to plant tomatoes this year. I have no idea how successful this will be with two curious dogs running around, but we’re going to try.

Worst case scenario: the dogs eat the tomatoes and we call it enrichment.

5. Have a Tea Party

What is more spring than a tea party?

One of the best parts about living in the SoCal area is that there are so many cute places to go for tea. My personal favorite is this little local bar in Long Beach called The Wicked Wolf. It’s adorable, the vibe is great, and it’s a solid 10/10 recommendation from me.

Tea parties just feel like the ultimate spring activity—cute outfits, good tea, and a little excuse to slow down for an afternoon.

6. Force Myself to Have a Self-Care Day

And yes, I do mean force. Because I’m the type of person who will absolutely skip self-care if I don’t schedule it.

My version of a self-care day is pretty simple:

  • Painting my nails spring colors (I’m currently obsessed with butter yellow)
  • Using a hydration or glow face mask
  • Facial mist to bring my skin back to life after winter

In the colder months my skin always gets really dull, so I’ve been loving the Grace & Stella rosewater face spray lately. It’s refreshing, light, and perfect when my skin needs a little pick-me-up.

I’m also leaning fully into spring scents right now. Floral candles, fresh scents, anything that makes the house feel lighter. One of my friends recently gave me the Goose Creek Wildberry Wisteria candle, and she said it had “Bridgerton vibes.”

Let me tell you… she was 1000% correct.

At this point my candle stash is starting to overflow because I keep buying them or getting them as gifts. But honestly? I burn candles year-round and I love them.

I’m not sure if that’s weird… but I’m choosing to believe it’s a personality trait.

The Goal of My Spring Reset

Nothing on this list is about being perfect. It’s just about shaking off winter a little bit—moving more, drinking more water, getting outside, and romanticizing small moments like tea parties and fresh candles.

Spring always feels like a fresh start, even if we’re still confused about the daylight saving time situation.

If you’re doing a spring reset too, I’d love to know what habits or routines you’re starting this season.

Posted in Body & Being

I walked a 5K, and honestly? It wasn’t that bad.

Posted on by Eryn 🐰
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Let me be clear—I didn’t run. I didn’t train. I didn’t have some dramatic fitness montage beforehand. I just showed up, put one foot in front of the other, and walked the whole thing. And somehow, the world did not end.

The first mile felt suspiciously easy, which immediately made me nervous. The second mile was when my legs started asking questions and my brain started negotiating. By the third mile, I was fully committed out of spite. I had come too far to quit, and turning around felt more embarrassing than just finishing.

Crossing the finish line felt oddly satisfying. Not life-changing, not spiritual—but solid. I did something I wasn’t sure I wanted to do, and it turns out I was capable the whole time.

Posted in Body & Being

Running on Empty

Posted on by Eryn 🐰
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Exactly one month ago, I declared—loudly and confidently—that I was going to train for a 5K.

It was supposed to be a thing. A routine. A little plotline for my summer. The start of a new arc where I was going to become that girl—disciplined, glowy, hydrated, jogging through the neighborhood at sunrise while vibing to a playlist called “5K Slay.”

But instead?

Here’s what actually happened:

  • A few half-hearted walks.
  • A couple of nights doom-scrolling beginner runner TikTok instead of going to bed.
  • Multiple “this is the week I start” pep talks… followed by zero actual running.

And then—nothing.

Just regular life. And depression.

And the quiet, constant ache of wanting to want things—but not quite being able to push myself through the fog.

There’s a word I’m looking for here—not motivation, not even discipline exactly, but that thing that lets you make yourself do something even when you don’t feel like it. The internal push. The engine. The whatever-it-is that people seem to be born with or build or brute-force into their bones.

I think I lost mine somewhere between burnout, sadness, and too many “maybe tomorrow” mornings.

To be clear, this wasn’t just a case of “I got busy.”

This was a full-body shutdown.

That fuzzy, foggy, gently-doomed feeling where everything is technically fine but somehow still feels like a cursed Sims save file.

And now it’s August.

Which hasn’t brought peace or renewal or momentum—but rather, a soft, creeping sense of doom.

Like I’m standing in the middle of a slow, sad montage where nothing is exactly wrong, but everything still feels like it’s unraveling. Not dramatically. Just… quietly. Just enough to make everything feel heavy.

I’m not trying to be dramatic—okay, maybe a little—but this month already feels like Little Miss Sunshine: emotionally unstable, slightly chaotic, and featuring an ensemble cast of tired people just trying their best. Everyone’s hanging on by a thread, the van won’t start without a push, and no one really knows what’s happening—but we’re still rolling forward, somehow. Just picture me in the metaphorical backseat, wearing heart-shaped sunglasses and trying to stay hopeful while everything teeters between disaster and weird, scrappy triumph.

To be fair, it’s not just me spiraling.

Hector’s been going through it too.

He’s still job hunting, and the stress of that alone is enough. But add to that the fact that his car was completely totaled (he’s okay, thankfully—the car is not), and we’re officially in “when it rains, it pours” territory.

He did get a job lead and passed the drug test (yay!).

But then… they found protein in his urine.

Which can mean kidney disease.

Which, for a guy who’s had kidney stones since he was a kid, is more than a little terrifying.

Naturally, I’ve been down a 1 a.m. rabbit hole Googling “can kidney stones cause kidney disease” like I’m studying for the MCAT. Spoiler: the answer is somewhere between sometimes? and maybe not?—which is so comforting, thank you WebMD.

So yeah. I’m not running a 5K this month.

I’m running errands.

Running out of patience.

Running on iced coffee and borrowed serotonin.

But I’m still here.

Still wanting to become the version of me who set that goal.

Still trying to believe in her, even if she’s currently curled up under a blanket, Googling “how to runaway from your life.”

The 5K may happen.

Maybe August will calm the hell down.

Maybe I’ll start by just walking. Or stretching. Or drinking water like someone who has a plan.

For now, I’m letting this post be the progress report.

A soft check-in.

A quiet reminder that some months are for thriving, and some months are for surviving—and both are still valid.

Posted in Body & Being

Trying to Run a 5K: Part 1.5 — The Prep, The Plan, and The Panic

Posted on by Eryn 🐰
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I haven’t quite hit the pavement yet, but I’ve got a solid plan in place! Yep, a real plan—complete with structure, rest days, and enough cross-training to make my yoga mat a little nervous about all the action coming its way.

Mark your calendars because “Day 1” is just 7 days away—1 week from today! So, why the wait? Well, I’m not just diving into a 5K training plan; I’m also trying to give up sugar and caffeine (yikes!) and, brace yourself, aiming to get to bed at a reasonable hour. All of this at once feels like a complete system reboot, and I’m ready for it! But let’s be real, I know myself well enough to realize there’s no way I’ll be successful with this challenge while juggling:

  • My niece’s birthday party (a.k.a. a frosting-filled, sugar-coated explosion of chaos powered by tiny humans with way too much energy)
  • The 4th of July (basically a national holiday for BBQ, soda, and pretending I understand firework safety)
  • A quick trip to Vegas, where my mom’s cooking will be present—and let’s be clear: I am not passing up her food for the sake of willpower. Some things are sacred.

So instead of launching headfirst into this well-intentioned chaos with a cupcake in one hand and a caffeine headache brewing, I’m giving myself a few gentle days to reset. Between my niece’s birthday party (sugar central), the 4th of July (hello, soda and fireworks confusion), and a quick trip to Vegas (where my mom’s cooking will absolutely be enjoyed with zero guilt), now is just… not the moment.

I want to start this journey with a clear head, a somewhat stable sleep schedule, and no frosting on my fingers.

In the meantime, I did find a training plan I really like—it’s from Anytime Fitness, and it’s way more my pace. No sprinting on Day 1, no scary mileage—just a realistic mix of running, walking, cross-training (like yoga, resistance bands, and bodyweight exercises), and my favorite: rest days.

The app I downloaded is still coming along for the ride, but it’s more for logging miles, not telling me what to do. This plan below is the one I’ll actually be following:

🏃‍♀️ My 6-Week 5K Training Plan

Week 1:

  • Day 1: Run 5 minutes, walk 1 minute — repeat 3x
  • Day 2: Cross-train (stability + balance)
  • Day 3: Run 6 minutes, walk 1 minute — repeat 3x
  • Day 4: Rest
  • Day 5: Run 7 minutes, walk 1 minute — repeat 3x
  • Day 6: Cross-train (resistance band squats + lunges)
  • Day 7: Rest

Week 2:

  • Day 1: Run 7 minutes, walk 1 minute — repeat 3x
  • Day 2: Cross-train (abs + chest)
  • Day 3: Run 8 minutes, walk 1 minute → then run 1 min, walk 2 min, repeat 3x → finish with 7 min run, 1 min walk
  • Day 4: Rest
  • Day 5: Run 9 minutes, walk 1 minute — repeat 3x
  • Day 6: Cross-train (yoga + stretching)
  • Day 7: Rest

Week 3:

  • Day 1: Run 10 minutes, walk 1 minute — repeat 2x
  • Day 2: Cross-train (full body)
  • Day 3: Run 12 minutes, walk 1 minute → then run 1 min, walk 2 min, repeat 4x
  • Day 4: Rest
  • Day 5: Run 13 minutes, walk 1 minute — repeat 2x
  • Day 6: Cross-train (resistance bands)
  • Day 7: Rest

Week 4:

  • Day 1: Run 15 minutes, walk 1 minute — repeat 2x
  • Day 2: Cross-train (stability + balance)
  • Day 3: Run 8 minutes, walk 2 minutes — repeat 3x
  • Day 4: Rest
  • Day 5: Run 15 minutes, walk 1 minute — repeat 2x
  • Day 6: Cross-train (yoga + stretching)
  • Day 7: Rest

Week 5:

  • Day 1: Run 9 minutes, walk 1 minute — repeat 3x
  • Day 2: Cross-train (arms + chest)
  • Day 3: Run 12 minutes, walk 2 minutes — repeat 2x, then run 5 minutes
  • Day 4: Rest
  • Day 5: Run 8 minutes, walk 2 minutes — repeat 3x
  • Day 6: Rest or cross-train (resistance bands)
  • Day 7: Rest

Week 6:

  • Day 1: Run 15 minutes, walk 1 minute — repeat 2x
  • Day 2: Cross-train (full body)
  • Day 3: Run 8 minutes, walk 2 minutes — repeat 3x
  • Day 4: Rest
  • Day 5: Run 8 minutes, walk 2 minutes — repeat 3x
  • Day 6: Cross-train (yoga + stretching)
  • Day 7: Race Day! 🎉 Run 5K!

Well, here we are—the pre-game plan is all set before the real adventure kicks off! I’ve got my schedule ready, my start date marked, and just a few days left to enjoy my last can of soda (while trying to avoid thinking about the impending sugar withdrawal 😅). 

Next on my agenda: getting moving, preparing for some soreness, and hopefully catching my first glimpse of my “Hot Girl Running Era” (even if I start off more like a sweaty turtle than a graceful gazelle)! 

Stick around for Part 2, and wish me luck on this journey—I’m about to swap cake for kale (at least for a little while)! 

PS: I’ll be updating this “Trying to Run a 5K” series every week, but don’t be surprised if I throw in some quick check-ins along the way—like mini pep talks, a little drama about my runs, and the occasional confession when I totally bail on a run for an iced latte. Let’s be real, we all know that’s gonna happen!

Posted in Body & Being

Trying to Run a 5K: Part 1 — Spoiler, I’m Already Tired

Posted on by Eryn 🐰
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So, a few months ago — in a burst of optimism, Pinterest-fueled ambition, and maybe one too many motivational TikTok’s — I decided I was going to run a 5K by the end of the year.

I told my friends (and even put it on my bingo card!) that I wanted to run a 5K. It felt exciting and empowering — like I was diving headfirst into my Hot Girl Running Era. But now that the initial thrill has worn off and it’s literally July, I have to face the truth:

I haven’t worked out consistently all year.
Not once. Not even close.

I’m a big fan of sweets and comfort carbs, and I tend to process all my emotions through sugar and procrastination. So yeah, the 5K dream? It’s cute. And currently very theoretical.

“How Do You Run a 5K?”

To kick things off, I asked my brother what felt like a very fair, totally normal beginner question:

“How does someone even run a 5K?”
His answer? A casual, completely unbothered:
“Run.”
Cool. Thanks for the clarity, champ.

For the past two years, my weight has danced between 186 and 198, no matter what I try — calorie counting, “clean” eating, gentle walks, or shedding tears into my yogurt. Nothing sticks. I give it my all for a few weeks, don’t see instant progress, and spiral.

Deep down, I want that glow-up montage.
The dramatic before-and-after.
The magical “she believed she could, so she did” moment — preferably in 30 days or less.

And let’s not forget:
I’m a full-time student, planning a wedding, and running on caffeine and vibes. It’s chaotic. It’s overwhelming. But guess what?

I’m Still Doing This.

Not because I hate my body — but because I want to feel better in it. I want to nurture it. Celebrate it. Show up for myself in small, sweaty, wildly unglamorous ways.

Even if I never make it past the walk-run stage.
Even if my “5K” turns into a dramatic 4.3K with extra water breaks.
Even if I cry halfway through and then reward myself with a smoothie.

This Is: Trying to Run a 5K — A Series

This is part one of what I’m calling Trying to Run a 5K — a mini series where I document:

  • The wins 💪

  • The fails 😩

  • The cravings 🍫

  • The breakthroughs 🌟

  • The brutally honest in-betweens

What’s Coming Next:

  • Finally using the running app I downloaded back in March 📱

  • Documenting my (very humble) starting stats

  • Trying to cut back on soda without emotionally unraveling 🥤

  • Battling my all-or-nothing mindset (again)

  • Probably failing a little. Definitely trying again.

This journey is already shaping up to be beautifully messy — and I haven’t even tied my shoelaces yet.
But I’m here. I’m starting.
And honestly? That counts for something.

Stay tuned for Part 2!

(And seriously… send electrolytes.)

Posted in Body & Being

Life Got Heavy — So I’m Lightening My Load, Gently

Posted on by Eryn 🐰
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There’s this quote I keep coming back to:

“Remember why you started.”

I don’t even remember where I first heard it — maybe a book, maybe Pinterest, maybe I’m misquoting The Lion King — but it’s been sitting with me lately. Heavy in the best and hardest way.

I started this blog nearly six years ago with a simple but powerful goal: to bring hope and happiness into a world that often makes it hard to believe in either. Not because I had everything figured out — I didn’t then, and I still don’t — but because I knew I wasn’t alone in the mess. I knew there were others like me, trying to climb out of the same emotional holes over and over again, wondering if joy was ever going to feel real.

I wrote about healing, about reclaiming internal peace, and about being brave enough to feel everything without letting it swallow me whole. Back then, I was committed. I had my rituals: journaling, morning meditations, and a daily dose of motivation. I even asked myself every day, “If you had to scale your overall happiness, what would it be?” (For context: 0 = depressed, 10 = excited.) That simple question helped me track my heart, not just my habits.

But somewhere along the way, I stopped.

When Did I Let Go of Myself?

By “lately,” I mean the better part of five years. That’s how long I’ve spent quietly — sometimes unknowingly — drifting away from that version of me. The one who was trying. The one who had hope. The one who knew healing took daily work and still showed up anyway.

Life didn’t just happen — it kept happening. Emotion after emotion, loss after loss, disappointment after disappointment. Like waves that never gave me enough time to catch my breath. And during all of it, I did what I thought I had to do: I survived. I put out emotional fires. I stayed busy. I told myself I was “fine.”

But in the chaos, I stopped checking in with myself.

I stopped writing in my gratitude journal.

I stopped meditating in the morning.

I stopped reading those little sticky notes of encouragement I used to keep on my phone.

And without even realizing it, I stopped asking myself that daily question:

Where’s your happiness at today?

The truth? Most days now, I wouldn’t even know how to answer.

When Did I Let My Insecurities Win?

It wasn’t a big, dramatic unraveling. It was quiet. Subtle. Almost unnoticeable — until I looked up one day and realized I didn’t recognize myself.

I let the insecurities creep back in.

I started doubting my voice.

I shrunk myself around people who didn’t ask me to, but I assumed I had to.

I convinced myself that I had to prove something to be enough — to earn rest, love, or even joy.

And my overall mental mood? It’s been… bad. That’s the honest answer. I’ve been stuck in a fog of frustration, sadness, and emotional exhaustion — so deep that it became my new normal. And I forgot that it’s not who I am.

But Here’s the Thing: I Noticed. And That Matters.

Today, I’m not writing because I’m on the other side of it all. I’m writing because I noticed how far I’ve drifted from myself — and that’s the first, hardest, most important step in finding my way back.

I remembered why I started this blog.

I remembered how deeply I want to live with joy and purpose — not just autopilot.

And I remembered that happiness isn’t something we find; it’s something we create. It’s something we practice.

Happiness Isn’t a Destination — It’s a Direction

No, life still isn’t where I want it to be. And some days, that still hurts. But here’s the difference: I’m starting to see that “not there yet” doesn’t mean “nowhere.” I’ve grown. Quietly. Messily. Slowly. But I’ve grown.

I’ve learned that I don’t need to arrive at some perfect version of happiness to keep moving toward it. Joy doesn’t always come with fireworks. Sometimes, it looks like:

  • Dragging myself out of bed and into clean clothes.
  • Drinking water before coffee.
  • Taking a walk in silence — no music, no podcast — just my breath and the pavement.
  • Reminding myself that I don’t need permission to be who I already am.

Progress Isn’t Linear — And That’s Okay

I used to think healing meant I’d never feel anxious or low again. But healing is really about feeling those things and still showing up and still caring for yourself. Still letting yourself believe in better days — even when you’re not living one yet.

Depression taught me stillness, but it also showed me how dangerous it can be to sit in it too long. I don’t want just to exist anymore. I want to live — with intention, with softness, with truth.

So here’s the truth: I can be sad and still be at peace.

I can feel uncertain and still be grounded.

I can be a work in progress and still offer something meaningful.

So Here’s My Promise to Myself

Starting now, I will:

  • Ask myself again where I’m at on that happiness scale.
  • Write down one thing I’m grateful for each day.
  • Sit in stillness, even if just for two minutes.
  • Challenge the lies my insecurities whisper.
  • Stop waiting to be “better” before I allow myself joy.

To Anyone Reading This Who Feels the Same Way

If you’ve worked hard on your healing and still feel like you’ve slipped backward — you’re not broken. You’re not weak. You’re just human.

Healing isn’t linear. Growth isn’t perfect. But the fact that you want better for yourself — that you’re reading this, still showing up in your own quiet ways — that matters.

You don’t need to have everything figured out.

You don’t need to be at a ten to appreciate being at a six.

You don’t need to wait for life to be perfect to live it with love.

Just take one small step today to move toward the life you want.

Even if it’s messy. Even if it’s slow.

Just keep going.

Let this post be a reminder to both of us:

You’re allowed to begin again.

Posted in Body & Being

Weekly Reflections: Cultivating Mindfulness and Emotional Resilience

Posted on by Eryn 🐰
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Things have been a bit chaotic in the U.S. lately, and it often feels like the news is full of negativity. This can be especially tough for anyone dealing with depression. I recently lost my job, which really sent me into a tailspin. But I’ve decided to embrace mindfulness to help bring some balance back into my life. This year, my focus is on being more mindful and resilient—it’s even my “word of the year”! 

Mindfulness isn’t just about meditation; it’s also about reflecting on the positives and challenges, appreciating those little moments, and learning as I go. I’ve been asking myself some important questions like, “How has my week been so far?” and “Am I avoiding anything important that I should tackle?” I also celebrate even the smallest achievements with questions like, “What were my biggest wins this week?”

Here are just a few highlights from my week that might seem simple but really mean a lot to me: I worked 40 hours and read 300 pages of my new book, treating myself to a delicious Cava salad afterward. Although my new job has some communication hiccups, I’m sharing my ideas for improvement instead of complaining. And I’m proud to say I managed not to argue with my roommates this week! It takes a lot of strength to hold back and avoid conflict, even when I feel I’m in the right. 

That said, I have to admit I’m also avoiding responsibilities, especially regarding money. I sometimes wish I could pretend everything is fine, even though it’s not. It might be worse, but I’m definitely struggling with stress. Still, I believe that taking the time for this weekly reflection will help me feel more in control of my depression.

What I truly wish to take from my reflections—and what I hope others can embrace, too, if they choose to do weekly reflections—is the value of mindfulness. It’s important to notice and name those uncomfortable emotions like sadness, fear, and shame without feeling the need to resist or hide from them. I understand how daunting it can be to face these feelings, but I want to cultivate a greater awareness of my emotions rather than letting fear dictate my response. It’s about finding a way to respond to our feelings with kindness and understanding toward ourselves and others.