Before we start, a quick disclaimer: weāre not sharing her actual name yet.
My family has always believed that telling too many people the babyās name before theyāre born is bad luck. Is there any evidence to support this? Not that Iām aware of. Am I willing to test the theory with my first child? Absolutely not.
Call me superstitious, call me paranoid, call me a first-time mom. Whatever the case, the name is staying under wraps for now. But I can tell you the story of how we chose it.
When I first got pregnant, I was convinced Iād be having a boy.
We already had a boy name picked out over a year ago. In fact, if we ever do have a son someday, we still plan on using it. So when we found out we were having a girl, we suddenly realized we had absolutely no idea what to name her.
Picking a girlās name was surprisingly hard.
For a while, I was obsessed with floral names. Willow. Daisy. Rose. Then I swung completely in the opposite direction and started loving regal names like Elizabeth, Charlotte, and Francesca. I swear Hector and I went over like more than 100 names. Every name one of us loved, the other wasnāt completely sold on.
Eventually, we found ourselves returning to something that mattered more than finding the prettiest name on a baby name list: family.
Iāve written before about my complicated relationship with my biological father and my relationship with my stepdad. Patrick may be my father, but Efrain is my dad.
Efrain never tried to replace anyone. He never demanded the title of dad. He simply showed up, over and over again, for years. He sat through the disappointments. He listened when I cried. He celebrated my successes. He loved me without ever making me earn it.
As we were discussing names, I kept thinking about the people I wanted my daughter to grow up knowing she came from.
And if Iām being honest, becoming a parent has made me look at my own parents differently.
Iāve always said that I donāt want to beg my biological father to be a part of my life. Now that Iām pregnant, I donāt want to beg him to be a part of my daughterās life either. I want him to want to be there, but after all these years, I know thatās probably not something I can control.
What I can control is recognizing the people who have shown up.
The funny thing is that Efrain knew I was pregnant before I even told my parents. I called to share the news, and before I could get the words out, he asked, āYouāre pregnant, arenāt you?ā
I was completely shocked.
The thing is, calling my parents isnāt unusual. I talk to my mom almost every day, so it wasnāt some obvious giveaway. Somehow, he just knew.
And thatās kind of who heās always been.
Present. Paying attention. Invested.
Pregnancy has brought up a lot of emotions I wasnāt expecting. Itās made me think about the kind of parent I want to be. Itās made me appreciate my mom and Efrain even more. And yes, itās made me more angry with my biological father than I have been in years.
Because now that Iām preparing to raise a child, I understand even less how someone can choose not to be there.
I know parenting is hard. I know people make mistakes. But I also know what showing up looks like because I had someone who did.
So when it came time to choose our daughterās name, we went back to family.
We chose a name inspired by the man who taught me that being a dad isnāt about biology. Itās about consistency. Itās about love. Itās about showing up.
Iāve had āTummy Hurtsā by Renee Rapp stuck in my head lately, specifically this part:
āTheyād make beautiful babies And raise āem up to be a couple of Fucking monsters, like their mother and their father.ā
Not because I relate to Renee in the song.
Honestly? I relate to the person sheās singing to.
Not the man, obviously. Thatās Hector in this situation. Iām the woman whoās carrying his child.
There seems to be this idea floating around from someone who used to be part of our lives that Hector and I are somehow the villains in her story. Maybe we are. Every story needs one, right?
The difference is that I donāt really care anymore.
Iāve been married to my husband for almost two years. Weāre expecting our daughter. Weāre building a life together. At some point you have to stop living in old chapters and start reading the one youāre actually in.
Did Hector and I commit some terrible crime? Not that Iām aware of.
We fell in love. We got married. We decided to bring a child into a world thatās currently on fire in seventeen different ways.
Is the economy terrifying? Absolutely.
Is everything expensive? Have you seen the price of groceries lately?
Are we 1,000% financially prepared for every possible thing life could throw at us? No. I donāt know a single parent who is.
But weāre doing okay. Weāre planning. Weāre working. Weāre making sacrifices. And most importantly, this baby is wanted, loved, and already has two parents who would move heaven and earth for her.
The thing that has always frustrated some people about me is that I donāt let other people make my decisions.
I do what I want.
I always have.
Iām almost thirty years old. I donāt need permission slips from former friends, distant relatives, internet strangers, or anyone else.
And honestly, thatās one of the reasons this blog still exists.
This little corner of the internet has followed me through breakups, career changes, weddings, identity crises, hyperfixations, and now pregnancy. Itās mine. I get to say what I think here.
If someone disagrees, theyāre welcome to.
But Iām done entertaining high school-level drama when Iām busy preparing to raise an actual child.
Because thatās what matters now.
At the end of the day, people will come and go. Friends change. Family dynamics shift. Life happens.
But when our daughter gets here, itās going to be me, Hector, and her.
Thatās the team.
And maybe this is controversial, but I genuinely believe children come first.
Will Hector and I argue sometimes? Of course. Weāre human.
But our daughterās job shouldnāt be managing our emotions. Her job is to be a kid.
She deserves stability. She deserves peace. She deserves to know that no matter what happens, her parents love her more than they love being right.
As a child of divorce, Iāve learned something important:
Kids can survive divorce.
What hurts them is being trapped in homes where everyone is miserable and pretending otherwise.
If, God forbid, Hector and I ever faced something like that, I would choose whatever gave our daughter the healthiest, happiest life possible.
Thatās what parenting means to me.
Sometimes it means swallowing your pride.
Sometimes it means changing plans.
Sometimes it means moving back home for a while if thatās what creates the safest future.
I would rather make sacrifices now so my daughter always has a safe place to sleep, food on the table, and parents who show up for her every single day.
I never want her to feel like a burden.
Because sheās not.
She was planned.
Maybe not exactly on my timeline, but definitely on Godās.
And if youāve been reading this blog for a while, you already know that I thought Iād be pregnant last year.
Apparently God looked at my planner, laughed, and made some edits.
Not in a burn-the-bras, renounce-the-patriarchy, move-to-the-woods kind of way. More in a quiet, eye-twitchy, āwhy is this word always glued toĀ us?ā kind of way.
Manipulative.
Isnāt it funny how men are āstrategic,ā āprivate,ā āmysterious,ā or my personal favorite, ājust not big on sharing,ā but women? Oh no. Weāre manipulative. Calculated. Social puppeteers with lip gloss.
Let me set the stage.
My friend had a birthday party for her daughter. It was cute. There were balloons. There was cake. There were the moms who look like they drink sparkling water unironically. And there wasĀ herĀ ā another friend in the group. Theyāre all about 40. Iām barely turning 29 this year. So already Iām the baby of the bunch, which means I swing between being ārefreshingā and āsuspicious.ā
She was sitting alone. Not talking. Lookingā¦ letās say unapproachable. Not evil. Not wicked. Just giving strong āI do not wish to participateā energy.
Nobody was talking to her. And then she fell. Which was sooo awkward.
And hereās the thing about me: I was a loser kid.
I know what it feels like to be the one people whisper about. I survived high school rumors. I survived being Not Liked before it was cool. So when I see someone sitting alone looking vaguely uncomfortable, my brain doesnāt say, āAvoid.ā It says, āGo sit. Be normal. Make it less awkward.ā
So I did.
Now, I donāt know this womanās life story. I know a few of her interests. Books. Musicals. Her kid. Safe topics. Neutral territory. No politics. No trauma bonding. No weird oversharing.
Just normal, easy questions. āHave you read anything good lately?ā āDo you use Libby? Is Hoopla actually worth the hype?ā āHowās your kid liking school?ā āAre you going to seeĀ SixĀ at the Pantages?ā
Normal. Civilized. Human conversation.
Apparentlyā¦ that was manipulation.
Because later she tells our mutual friend that I ātry too hardā to be her friend. That I canāt be trusted. That Iām a liar.
Why?
Because I secretly got married in November 2024 and didnāt tell everyone. We had our legal ceremony quietly. Then in October 2025āHalloween, because Iām dramatic and love a themeāwe had the ceremony with my and Hectorās family and friends.
And somehowā¦ that makes me untrustworthy.
This is not the first time Iāve been called manipulative for not announcing my wedding like a town crier with a bell.
But thatās a different post, one with a lot more emotion and a running list of relationships Iām still not sure will ever fully recover.
And I still stick with my original sentiment: I didnāt lie. I didnāt fabricate a husband. I just didnāt broadcast it.
And I truly, hand-on-my-heart wonder: if I were a man, would this even be a conversation?
If a man said, āYeah, we did a small legal thing first and then celebrated later,ā people would nod and go, āSmart. Kept it low key.ā
But when I do it? Itās calculated. Itās secretive. Itās suspicious.
And when I sit next to someone who looks alone and make small talk? Iām ātrying too hard.ā
I think what really stings is this: I donāt expect everyone to like me.
I learned that lesson at 14 when I realized you can breathe wrong and still become a rumor.
I didnāt walk into adulthood thinking Iād magically be universally adored. I know Iām not everyoneās flavor. Iām a little sarcastic. I can be blunt. I work in customer service ā which, if youāve ever worked in customer service, you know it slowly transforms you into a person with the patience of a saint and the internal monologue of a villain.
I deal with incompetence daily. I deal with people who weaponize confusion. I deal with grown adults who cannot read signs. So yes, my tolerance for stupidity isā¦ curated.
But that doesnāt mean my kindness is fake.
And I think thatās what bothers me the most. The assumption that if Iām being nice, it must be a strategy.
Maybe because I donāt look soft enough for my kindness to be believed. Maybe because when Iām comfortable, I can be a little bitchy. (Lovingly. Artistically. With flair.)
So when Iām warm and engaging, people think itās a front.
But itās not.
I want people to feel comfortable. I want to be liked. Iām not ashamed of that. I donāt need to be worshipped, but yes ā I enjoy harmony. I enjoy knowing I didnāt contribute to someone feeling awkward in a corner.
And maybe thatās the most woman-coded thing about me. Caring.
Caring if someone is sitting alone. Caring if people are comfortable. Caring if someone secretly doesnāt like me.
Sometimes I wonder if I wouldnāt care so much if I werenāt socialized to smooth every edge in a room. If I were a man, maybe Iād just drink my soda, talk to two people, and leave without analyzing everyoneās facial expressions on the drive home.
But here I am.
A 29-year-old former loser kid turned customer-service-warrior turned apparently manipulative mastermindā¦ because I asked someone about musicals.
If thatās manipulation, then Broadway owes me a Tony.
Maybe the truth is simpler: Some people are uncomfortable with kindness they didnāt ask for. Some people project. Some people need a villain to make sense of their own insecurity.
And sometimes, being a woman means your privacy is suspicious and your friendliness is strategic.
I still would rather be the girl who sits next to the lonely one.
Even if she calls me manipulative later.
At least I know my intentions. And they werenāt calculated.
Time has a funny way of changing us, sometimes without us even realizing it. Looking back on 2025, I see a version of myself that feels distantālike a person I didnāt recognize or agree with. In 2018 or even 2020, the choices I made last year would have seemedĀ impossibleĀ to me. I forced myself to follow a path I thought IĀ shouldĀ take, not the one IĀ wantedto take. I tried to fit into a box that wasnāt mine, desperately playing ākeeping up with the Joneses,ā thinking thatās what I was supposed to do.
But what do I have to show for it? Not much. In fact, the only decision from 2025 that I donāt regret was getting my dogs. Theyāve been my only source of comfort and joy in a year that otherwise felt like a series of wrong turns.
And now here I am, in 2026, wanting toĀ reclaim myselfāthe real me that Iāve buried under other peopleās expectations and my own fears. I spent the past three years forgetting why I was struggling or why I made certain choices. I gave up on school, something I once valued, because I was too focused on a future I thought I had to portray to kids I havenāt even had yet. I was so obsessed with the wrong choices that I stopped helping the only person who mattered in all this:Ā me.
Thereās a quote I love by Steve Harvey:Ā āIf youāre already in hell, why stay?āĀ I donāt even know if thatās his original line, but it resonates with me. Iāve been letting myself stay in my own version of hell, trapped by past choices and self-imposed expectations. But itās time to walk away from that. Iām not staying in this place anymore. Iāve spent too long living for the wrong things and the wrong people.
In 2026, Iām focusing on reclaiming my happiness, one step at a time. It wonāt be easy, but itās necessary. Time changes us, yes. But it also offers the opportunity to changeĀ backāto remember who we were before the world tried to tell us who we should be.
A quick note to self, though:Ā I know I say this every year. I know the pattern. Usually, I wait until the yearās end, trying to build myself back up, focusing on my relationship with Hector. But this time, things are different. IāmĀ prioritizing me. Iām done waiting for others to step in and build me up. Iāve already signed myself up for workshops and clubs this year, and Iām determined to spend this year loving myself in ways Iāve neglected.
Instead of waiting for someone to give me what I deserve, Iām giving it to myself. Iām not gonna ask for monthly dates from a person whoās not going to give them to meāIām taking myself out onĀ monthly dates. Iām learning to be the one Iāve always needed.
This isnāt a dig at Hector. We are currently at different stages in our lives, each with different wants and needs. While we both want the same things in the long run, our timelines just arenāt aligned right now, and thatās okay. Sometimes, lifeās timing doesnāt match our expectations, but it doesnāt mean weāre not on the same pathāit just means weāre walking at different paces. Iām focusing on myself, but that doesnāt change the love and respect I have for him, or the shared goals weāre both working towards.
So hereās to finding my way back, and to a making choices that align withĀ who I truly am. Hereās to prioritizingĀ meābecause at the end of the day, thatās the only choice Iāll never regret.
I know I recently shared a super wedding-themed update filled with Corpse Bride vibes, haunted tea party ideas, and my thoughts on squid ink pasta (spoiler: not for me!). But today, I find myself diving into some heavier topicsālike therapy ultimatums and the communication struggles from childhood. Quite a shift, right?
I get the whiplash! One moment Iām excitedly tearing up over my niece playing āEnchantedā on her keyboard for my wedding walk (seriously, tear-jerker alert! š„¹), and the next, Iām worried about whether weāll even make it to the big day without hitting bumps along the way.
I realize I havenāt talked much about the in-between momentsāthe tricky space between thinking āI donāt know how much longer I can do thisā and counting down: āOnly 127 days until the wedding!ā Itās not that I wanted to skip over it; itās just been tough to put into words until now.
So hereās the scoop:
Hector and I finally had the big talk Iād been both anxious and ready for. And you know what?
For the first time in what feels like ages, he said yes! Yes to individual therapy, yes to couples counseling (even though weāre still figuring out the finances), and yes to going back to schoolāspecifically, CNC machining, which seems like exactly the kind of stability we both need right now.
Weāre setting ourselves a six-month window to make therapy work, which isnāt perfect, but itās definitely a step in the right direction. Heās showing upāmaybe not flawlessly, but with sincerity. And thatās something to celebrate!
Whatās been surprising is discovering Iām not the only one who noticed his communication struggles; it turns out heās faced these challenges since childhood. That realization stung a bit because it shows this isnāt just a couple of rough weeksāitās a lifelong pattern heās been quietly carrying. Love canāt fix everything, but therapy might just be a big help.
Itās not easy, but itās clearer now: love alone canāt solve these deeper issues. It requires more than just late-night chats or hopeful texts.
Iāve also come to a slightly embarrassing but tender realization: the early days of our relationshipāwhen I romanticized how āgoodā we wereāwas a bit of a mirage. We fell in love during lockdown when time slowed down, the world felt quiet, and we had nothing else to do, but talk. Of course our communication was solid back then!
Fast forward to today, and weāre juggling exhaustion, work, and busy lives that often leave us crossing paths only in passing. Weāre mostly texting now, which, letās be honest, is the least effective way to tackle real emotional issues. Itās so easy for tone to get lost, and before we know it, something small balloons into something big because we were too busy or too fried to just talk face-to-face.
So yep, our communication struggles arenāt suddenly newātheyāre just harder to ignore now. But weāre tackling them together, slowly and imperfectly, with way too many browser tabs and not enough sleep. Therapy is on the horizon, and school is coming up too. Itās not a magical fix, but itās a meaningful startāan indication that heās finally ready to meet me where Iāve been standingātired but still hopeful.
This blog has never been about putting on a perfect front. Itās about showing upāmessy, emotional, and sometimes a little too realāand writing through the uncertainties. If youāve found yourself in a similar spotāwhere your relationship used to feel soft and easy but now feels like a lotāI see you.
Love doesnāt always look like forehead kisses or holding hands in the grocery store. Sometimes, it looks like budgeting for therapy or having that tough conversation and finally being heard.
And as Taylor Swift beautifully said: āI just wanted you to know, this is me trying.ā
Thanks so much for being here with me, for reading, and for holding space for my complicated love journey. If youāve been through something similar, Iād love to hear your story in the comments! Or feel free to share what song has been your lifeline lately. Iāll be all earsāalways!
If youāve been hanging around here for a while, you know I like to do these monthly check-ins when I need a little accountability or, letās be real, a boost of motivation. So here I am, a few days early, but Iām rolling with it. Honestly, June was a lot. And Iām hoping July will give me some breathing room, but with the move coming up in August, I kind of already know itās not going to be chill.
June was a bit of a rollercoaster. There were so many emotional conversations, like, too many. And not the cute, deep talks that leave you feeling like youāve connected with your soul, but the kind that leave you drained and questioning life. I had a breakdown or twoāmaybe three? Whoās counting?āand it felt like each new challenge just kept piling on top of the last one. The whole situation with my dad escalated faster than I was ready for, and that knocked me off my feet more than Iād like to admit. Then there was this big conversation with Hector about life and feelings. It was one of those moments where I knew his communication wasnāt his strength, but wow, realizing how much that gets in the way was eye-openingāand frustrating. It left me feeling emotionally exhausted, but in a weird way, it was also kind of a breakthrough. Like, I learned something about myself in that mess.
Work-wise, Iām stepping into a bigger role as Assistant Front Office Managerā¦ or something like that. Trying to explain it without giving myself a headache is a struggle, but basically, Iām doing more and trying to make it work. The job itself and the paycheck are definitely blessings, but I canāt shake this feeling that I want more. Itās one of those āIām grateful, but alsoā¦ is this it?ā kind of moments. So, Iām focusing on the small wins right now, even when they donāt feel like enough. Itās been a month of emotional exhaustion, but there have also been a couple of moments where Iāve gotten some clarity about what I need to work onāpersonally and professionally.
As I move into July, Iām really trying to shake off that defeated feeling and focus on the good stuff coming my way. Thereās a lot to look forward to, like my nieceās birthday, a trip to Vegas to see my mom, stepdad, and nephews (which is honestly a little bit of a happy chaos), and the chance to try on my wedding dressāhuge, emotional moment there. Hectorās parents are coming back from their trip to Honduras, and weāre finally going to start planning the wedding with their help. Itās a backyard wedding, but for some reason, I keep trying to make it feel more grand, and Iām trying to remind myself to just keep it simple. But itās my wedding, and I want it to feel magical, so thereās that.
For July, my goals are super basic but important: turn in my homework on time, stay on top of my online class, find a place to move by the 20th (no big deal, right?), and, most importantly, focus on my mental health. Iām also hoping to build better relationships with my in-laws, which I know will help with some of the stress Iāve been carrying. Small update on that front: everything I thought I knew was wrong. But Iām not diving into that right now, weāll leave that mystery for another time. And, because Iām a glutton for punishment, Iām planning to restart my journals and finally get back to my YouTube channel. I posted a video three weeks ago, but honestly, consistency is tough when you donāt know how to edit, but thatās just a little thing Iāll figure out. The only way to learn is to try, right? So here we go.
As for what Iāll write about next month? I have no clue. Life has a funny way of showing up and telling me what I need to share, so weāll see where the blog and my thoughts take me. Iāll definitely try to post more recipes, though, now that my oven is (finally) working again. Thatās a whole other blog-worthy story, but for now, letās just say, itās been a journey.
Until next time, stay cozy, stay chaotic, and rememberāsometimes the most comforting thing is knowing youāre not the only one spiraling. š
I officially cut ties with my dad today. No blowout, no screaming match ā just a long thread of text messages that finally made everything crystal clear. And now Iām sitting here crying, even though part of me doesnāt understand why.
We never had a real relationship. He wasnāt there for the hard parts, the big moments, or the small ones either. Heād pop in and out when it was convenient, and I learned early on not to expect much. So why does this still hurt?
Because despite everything, I was still hoping ā hoping that things would change now that Iām an adult. With my wedding coming up and the thought of starting a family in the next couple years, I thought maybe heād want a relationship now. Not to magically become a ādad,ā but to show interest, to show up, to at least try. I thought maybe, by the time I had kids, things would be easier. That I wouldnāt have to explain why I have a father but no real connection with him.
But todayās texts ā the back-and-forth, the vague answers, the deflections, and the lack of true accountability ā confirmed what Iāve always feared but tried to ignore: heās not willing to take responsibility, not for the past and not for the impact his choices continue to have.
He downplayed things that mattered, avoided the truth, and tried to detach himself from people he once called family. And I realized ā maybe for the first time with full clarity ā that Iāve been holding onto hope thatās never going to be met.
So Iām letting go. Not out of spite. Not because I want to erase him. But because I need peace. I need to move forward into this next chapter of my life ā marriage, kids, adulthood ā without dragging dead weight behind me.
And yetā¦ Iām crying. Not for him, really. But for all the younger versions of me who wished heād show up. For the version of me that still wanted him to try. For the daughter who deserved better.
This is the first time Iāve ever confronted him. After all these years, I finally said the things Iād been carrying ā and now I donāt feel guilty anymore. Because if Iām being honest, it was never my job to maintain a relationship that he barely put effort into. Thatās not how love or family is supposed to work.
Letting go of someone who was never truly there is a strange kind of grief. Youāre not just saying goodbye to a person ā youāre saying goodbye to the idea of who you hoped they could be.
So this is it. Iām done waiting. Iām choosing myself. Iām choosing the family who shows up, the people who love me out loud, and the future Iām building ā one that wonāt be built on broken promises or one-sided effort.
If youāre reading this and feel something similar ā I see you. Itās okay to mourn. Itās okay to be hurt even when the relationship never really existed the way it should have. Your feelings are valid.
And yes ā to make it all even heavier, today is Fatherās Day. That makes this ache cut deeper than I expected. Part of me regrets doing it today. But deep down, I knew this was the only day Iād probably get a response from him. The irony isnāt lost on me ā the one day that celebrates fathers is the same day I had to finally let go of mine.
Iām sad that this is happening. But it is happening. And in a way, that clarity is something Iāve needed for a long time.
Hereās to letting go anyway. Hereās to healing. Hereās to choosing peace ā even when it hurts.
P.S.
Since itās Fatherās Day, I want to take a moment to share some thoughts. As I wrap up this chapter with my biological dad, I feel incredibly lucky to have a stepdad who has really stepped up for me in all the important ways. I love and respect him so much! We chat every week, and Iām excited to see him this July. Heās been a wonderful, steady presence in my life, and Iām so grateful for our relationship. Family isnāt just about blood; itās about the people who are truly there for you, and I appreciate him every single day.
If youāve been following my blog for a while, you might remember a post where I opened up about my complicated relationship with my biological dad. For years, I struggled to acknowledge how much his absence affected me because I didnāt want to diminish the love I have for my stepdad or the strength my mom showed. But that post was just the beginning of my journey toward honesty. Todayās decision to cut ties with my dad is simply another step in that ongoing journey.
Iāve shared glimpses of my relationship in the past, often in the heat of the moment following an argument or when emotions were overwhelming. But this time, I feel itās important to take a step back and view the entire landscape of our connection. I want to go beyond the individual disagreements or moments of frustration to explore the deeper reasons behind them. This is my attempt to be truly honest with myself, to confront our current reality rather than just focusing on the idea of what I wish we could become.
They say your 30s are when life starts to click ā when you step into yourself and find clarity, stability, and maybe even joy. But for my partner, turning 30 triggered something entirely different: a fog of uncertainty and a deep sense of being lost. For me, it has brought the quiet heartbreak of watching someone I love drift away ā not just from themselves but from me as well.
I want to be supportive. I have been supportive. But the truth is, Iām exhausted. Iāve tried to hold space for his confusion and to be patient with the fact that he doesnāt know what he wants right now. But what hurts the most is that, from where Iām standing, it feels like heās not doing anything to change it.
There are no small steps, no attempts at direction. Itās just a constant cycle of waiting ā and I donāt know what Iām waiting for anymore. Heās stuck, but itās like heās accepted being stuck. And Iām the one left carrying the weight of his inertia.
Maybe the hardest part is realizing that while he might be lost, Iām the one whoās starting to disappear.
We donāt communicate anymore ā not in the way we need to. Our conversations skim the surface: groceries, work schedules, what to watch on Netflix. What we donāt talk about is the growing distance between us or how our relationship feels like itās cracking at the foundation. I donāt know how to fix it. We need help; Iām aware of that. But we canāt afford counseling right now. How do we mend something this broken when we donāt have the tools? How do you rebuild when you donāt even know where to begin?
And layered beneath all of this is something I havenāt said out loud before: Iām starting to hate him.
Itās not who he is, deep down. Itās what heās allowing. His sisters treat me poorlyādisrespect, exclusion, subtle jabs that they know they can get away with. And two months ago, I finally asked him to say something. Just talk to them. Just let them know that he sees how theyāre treating me, that itās not okay.
He said he would.
Two months later, still nothing. Not a word. And with each passing day, his silence grows heavier. Itās not just disappointingāit feels like betrayal.
I would never say, āItās me or them.ā Thatās not the kind of love I believe in. But love does mean standing beside the person youāve chosen. It means not letting them fight alone. His silence tells me that peace in his family is more important than peace in our relationship. That hurts in a way I canāt even describe.
Itās not just that he wonāt speak up. Itās that heās watching me slowly shrink under the weight of it all, and still does nothing.
I think thatās whatās killing me the most.
And then thereās the other layer ā our friends. Technically, theyāre his friends. But over time, theyāve become mine too. Theyāre good people, and I love them. But I carry this silent fear: if things fall apart between us, will I lose them too? I donāt want to put anyone in the position of having to choose sides. I donāt want to lose my whole support system in one blow.
Thereās no dramatic blow-up, no cheating scandal, and no unforgivable betrayal. Instead, itās the slow erosion of connection, balance, and mutual effort that creates the pain. Perhaps that quietness makes it even more difficult to bear ā the realization that love alone isnāt always enough.
I donāt know what the next step is, but love shouldnāt feel like a one-sided effort to keep someone else from drowning, especially when theyāre not trying to swim.
For now, Iām allowing myself to feel everything ā the sadness, the resentment, the ache of wanting more. Maybe, in time, Iāll find the strength to choose myself, even if it means letting go.
I donāt want to give up on us, but I also canāt keep abandoning myself to save something weāre both letting fall apart. Writing this is my way of saying Iām still here. I still care. But we both need to start trying. Love shouldnāt be about who can hold on the longest while everything around us breaks.
If weāre not going to seek counseling, we need something. We need honesty, effort, accountability, and a real conversation. This isnāt just a rough patch anymore ā itās a warning sign. Pretending everything is fine wonāt fix what has been silently crumbling for months.
For now, Iām letting myself feel it allāthe sadness, the resentment, the ache of still caring. Maybe, in time, Iāll find the strength to choose myself, even if it means letting go.
Iām writing this because Iām still here. I still want this to work. But I canāt do it alone. We need honesty. We need effort. We need accountability. We need a real conversation. Because this isnāt just a rough patch anymore. Itās a warning sign.
And maybe, just maybe, someone reading this has been here too.
So hereās where Iām asking for something:
How do I support a partner who feels lost, without losing myself in the process?
How can we rebuild communication when it feels like weāre speaking different emotional languages?
Is it possible to heal this kind of disconnection without professional help? If so, what helped you?
I donāt have all the answers. Iām just someone trying to hold on to love without letting go of myself in the process. If youāve walked this road before, Iād love to hear your thoughts, your lessons, your survival stories.
I can hardly believe itāsix months to plan our wedding, and weāve picked Halloween as our big day! Itās such an exciting mix of joy and a sprinkle of āHow in the world do we pull this off?!ā But thatās all part of the fun, right?
I feel a bit nervous about how Hectorās family will take the news, especially since Iām unsure if theyāve heard anything yet. I mentioned to Hector that Iād like a bit more space from his family for now, and heās been pretty quiet about it. Family dynamics can be a bit tricky, but I know weāve got each other to lean on, and thatās what truly matters.
In the meantime, Iāve been diving into many fun tips and creative ideas to ensure our wedding is everything weāve dreamed of, even with just six months to plan! Most sites share similar checklists, but Iām super excited to keep track of everything and see how my wild ideas match up with reality. Itās going to be such an incredible journey!
6 Months Out
1. Book the wedding venue and set the date.
I would love a big, fancy wedding, but weāre on a budget (because, you know, adulting). I wanted to get married at my familyās church, but that didnāt work out. Luckily, a dear friend has offered her beautiful backyard for the day, which is honestly perfect for the cozy, intimate vibe Iām going for. Itās going to be so special.
2. Hire your wedding vendors!
Planning a wedding can feel like a never-ending list of to-dos, but there are many helpful resources. Some vendors Iāll be looking into include:
Wedding planner (if youāre lucky enough to have the budget for one!)
Caterer (if your venue doesnāt provide food)
Florist
Rental companies (for things like tables, chairs, etc.)
Photographer
Videographer
DJ or live music (Iāll probably stick to a playlist for simplicity)
And many more!
For us, Iām keeping things simple: Apple Music and a speaker for the tunes. The one thing I really want to splurge on? Cake and cupcakes. Priorities, people. Priorities.
3. Finalize the guest list.
I come from a big family, and trimming the guest list is challenging. Iām hoping to keep it under 100 people, but cutting down can be tough. Hectorās family is a bit smaller, so Iāll be handling most of the invites. If you have any tips on gracefully letting people know they wonāt be invited, Iām all ears!
4. Buy wedding attire.
So, hereās my questionāwhere do guys usually get their tuxes or suits? Do people typically rent, or do they buy? Iām a little lost here. But, the best part? My mom is making my wedding dress, and Iām beyond excited! Sheās made so many beautiful pieces over the years, and it means so much to me that sheāll be creating something truly special for the big day. I canāt wait to see it!
5. Book hotel room blocks and transportation.
Since most of our guests are local, we donāt need to book a block of rooms or worry about transportation. If people want to stay over, theyāre more than welcome to make their own arrangements!
6. Schedule an engagement photo session.
Not our thing. We already have 800 pictures on our phones of us smiling awkwardly. Weāre good, thanks but if itās your thing, I say go for it!
7. Create a wedding registry.
Weāve been living together for a while now, so our home is pretty much set. We could use things like a new Swiffer or an expresso maker with a built-in milk frother. But honestly, your presence is the best gift!
8. Build a wedding website.
I think weāll pass on this one. If youāre looking for the details, you have to ask me directly!
9. Buy and send save-the-dates.
Save-the-dates sounds cute in theory, but $1.25 a card for 50 people? Thatās $60 just for saying, āHey, save this day for me!ā that does not include spending that again for actual invitations. Iād rather keep things simple and let everyone know the date through text or emailāstill personal, just more affordable.
10. Start planning your honeymoon.
Iād love to take off somewhere amazing, but since this wedding is happening during the semester, the honeymoon will have to wait until after finals. Weāll make it happen, though!
11. Shop for wedding rings.
Weāve picked them out! Now we just need to finalize the sizes and all that fun stuff.
12. Book your rehearsal dinner venue.
Is this a real thing? I thought we were just supposed to eat tacos the night before and practice not tripping while walking down the aisle. No rehearsal dinner for us!
13. Start shopping for wedding invitations.
Iāve saved a ton of designs on Zazzle, so now itās just about narrowing it down to the one. Itās like trying to choose your favorite ice cream flavorāso many choices!
5 Months Out
14. Plan the wedding reception menu.
Weāre keeping it cozy and casualāspaghetti and pizza. Itās not your typical wedding fare, but itās totally us. Plus, we found these adorable skull-shaped pizzas, which are perfect for our Halloween theme. I canāt wait for everyone to try them!
15. Order wedding invitations.
A month to pick invitations? Feels a little rushed! But hey, Iām sure Iāll figure it outāafter all, this is what Pinterest is for, right?
16. Book honeymoon.
Like I said, after the semester is over, weāll be planning our getaway. But for now, Iām focusing on the wedding.
4 Months Out
17. Finalize ceremony details.
Weāre keeping it simple and heartfelt with vows from Corpse Bride. Itās spooky, romantic, and fits the Halloween theme perfectly!
18. Order ceremony programs.
Iāve been to a lot of weddings, and I donāt think Iāve ever seen a program. So, weāll skip this one and just let the ceremony speak for itself.
19. Create song lists.
Iāve already started a 100-song playlist, and Iām asking guests to add their favorite songs when they RSVP. It worked great for Hectorās birthday, so Iām hoping itāll create a fun and diverse vibe for the wedding.
3 Months Out
20. Attend pre-wedding parties.
No bachelor or bachelorette parties for us. Weāre more into relaxing and enjoying time together before the big day.
21. Purchase thank-you gifts.
Whatās the difference between thank-you gifts and wedding favors? If anyone knows, feel free to shareāIām genuinely curious!
22. Complete hair and makeup trial.
I think Iāll do my own hair and makeup. Itāll be less stressful, and honestly, I love doing my own thing when it comes to that stuff.
2 Months Out
23. Send wedding invitations.
This feels a little late, so I might move this to 3 months out to be sure everyone has enough time to RSVP.
24. Write wedding vows.
Weāre all set with our vows from Corpse Bride. Theyāre perfectāromantic and full of meaning.
25. Order wedding favors and welcome bag items.
Done! My mom found the cutest mini-shot glasses at a closing store, and theyāre perfect for our theme. Iām excited to share them with our guests.
1 Month Out
26. Obtain a marriage license.
Weāll make sure to check out the marriage license rules in our stateācanāt forget this critical step!
27. Finish attire alterations.
Once my dress and Hectorās suit come in, itās time for any final tweaks to make sure everything fits perfectly.
28. Start the seating chart.
There is no seating chart for us! Weāre keeping it super relaxedāguests can sit wherever they like. Itās a casual celebration, so everyone can enjoy the day how they want.
2 Weeks Out
29. Provide the photographer with a shot list.
Weāre doing it live. Everyone with a phone can be the photographer. Iāll just give them a high-five for capturing the moment. Weāll make a big album together afterward. Itās the best way to get candid shots, and I love the idea of everyone being involved!
30. Schedule final meetings and conversations with wedding vendors.
This is mostly just confirming the catering order and ensuring everything runs smoothly.
31. Discuss music requests with the DJ, wedding band, and ceremony musicians.
There is no DJ or band hereājust Apple Music and a speaker! I think thatāll work perfectly for our vibe.
The Week Before
32. Share the final headcount with the venue, caterer, and other vendors.
Iām ordering food for around 100 peopleāhopefully, they all show up, but if not, I guess Hector and I will be eating pizza for a week!
33. Share contact information with all vendors.
Since weāre only dealing with a few vendors, this oneās easy. Iāll confirm everything when I place the catering order.
The Day Before
34. Organize gratuities.
Iām a fan of tippingāsome of these vendors go above and beyond to make your day memorable. Just make sure you donāt accidentally tip them in āwedding cake.ā
35. Give gifts to loved ones.
Iāll definitely be giving gifts to my mom and friends whoāve helped so much. Theyāre the ones making this whole thing possible!
36. Bring any special items to the wedding venue.
Iām on itājust making sure everything is packed and ready to go.
37. Rehearse the ceremony and have the rehearsal dinner.
Weāll definitely rehearse the vows, but as for the dinner? Weāll keep it simple and focus on the love.
The Day Of
38. Get married!
All the planning will come together, and Iāll be surrounded by the people I love most. Hopefully, I wonāt trip down the aisle, but if I do, itāll just add to the charm of the day!
Friendships are a beautiful part of lifeātheyāre the safe havens where we celebrate our victories and share our struggles. But sometimes, those cozy spaces can feel lopsided, and itās important to notice when that happens. Have you ever thought you were in a close friendship, only to realize it wasnāt quite what you believed?
For a while, I brushed off the signs. I think we all do that sometimes, convincing ourselves that things will turn aroundāthat maybe I was just overthinking things. But over time, I stumbled upon some important truths: the red flags had been fluttering in the breeze all along, and when I finally opened my eyes to them, I felt a little heartbroken. I was caught in a friendship that seemed one-sided.
One-Sided Conversations: A Story Just for Her
Reflecting on it, a big clue that something was off was how our chats always seemed to center around her life. Iād be happy to listen and offer support. Still, when it felt like every single conversation revolved around her challenges and achievements, I started to feel more like a sounding board than a friend.Ā
Iād try to share my own storiesāmy successes, my ups and downsābut it often felt like they didnāt quite land. She would change the topic quickly or respond in a way that didnāt invite further conversation. It was as if my experiences werenāt quite on her radar, and I found myself stepping into the roles of cheerleader and emotional supporter. At the same time, my own joys and struggles seemed to fall by the wayside.
In that moment of clarity, I understood I was in a one-way friendship.Ā
A Shift in Effort: Where Did We Go?
Friendships thrive on mutual effortāsomething we all know deep down. Gradually, though, I noticed that the energy from her side began to fizzle. Our chats became infrequent, and it was usually me reaching out first, trying to organize a catch-up or check in. Even when we did manage to get together, I often sensed her mind was elsewhere.
Her responses were short, almost distracted. It felt like I was pulling the weight of our connection while she was slowly drifting away. Yet, I kept holding on to hope, telling myself it was just a phaseāthat she was busy and that things would eventually feel normal again. But the more it went on, the more evident it became: the silence was louder than it seemed.Ā
Itās tough to realize these things about a friendship, but acknowledging them is a big step toward understanding what we truly want and need in our relationships.
Social Media as the New Normal
One thing I noticed that probably should have been a big red flag was how she started treating me more like a follower on social media than a close friend. I noticed that instead of contacting me directly, she began sharing big moments through her postsālike trips and milestonesāafter the fact. It felt like I was peeking into her life from behind a screen rather than being a part of it. Our way of connecting had really shifted, and I couldnāt help but feel that distance growing between us.
The Dismissal of My Life Events: A Bit of Disappointment
I remember finally sharing something excitingālike my engagement. I was really hoping for some enthusiasm, maybe some questions or a desire to celebrate together. Instead, her response was a bit flat and lacking that spark of interest. It felt like she was hearing news from an acquaintance rather than a close friend. Thatās when I started to realize she might not be as invested in my life as I had hoped. If she really cared, I think she would have shown a bit more excitement or curiosity about such an important moment.
Spotting the Red Flags: A Friendly Reminder
Itās funny how sometimes we can overlook the signs right in front of us. I often caught myself wondering if I was just being overly sensitive. However, the more I thought about it, the clearer it became: our friendship just felt a little off. It wasnāt just a matter of her being a bit distant; it felt like I was watching from the sidelines as her life unfolded. I realized I had been trying hard to keep our connection going, but it started to feel a bit one-sided, which was a bit draining.
The Dilemma: Should I Talk It Out or Let It Be?
I find myself in a bit of a pickleāI havenāt had the chance to chat with her about how Iāve been feeling. Iāve thought about it a lot! Should I just sit down and talk to her directly about how I feel? Iāve noticed that our friendship seems a bit one-sided lately. Or maybe I should just take a step back gradually, unfollow a few things here and there, and let the friendship fade away naturally?
Iām a little worried about what might happen if I bring it up. Will she care? Will she understand my feelings, or will she get defensive and nothing will change? It could also be a great opportunity for us to reconnect and bring some balance back to our friendship. On the flip side, maybe deep down, I know itās time to move on, and bringing it up would just make things awkward.Ā
Honestly, Iām a bit anxious about how sheāll react. What if she doesnāt see my side of things or thinks Iām overreacting? And what if itās already too late to fix things? Maybe the friendship has already started to drift without either of us noticing, and trying to bring it back might just complicate things.
It feels like Iām at a crossroads. Should I take the plunge and move on? Or maybe I should wait to see if she picks up on any changes? What do you think would be the best way to wrap up this chapter?
Moving Forward: Finding Trust in My Instincts
Iāve realized itās totally okay to let go of friendships that arenāt uplifting anymore. A true friend shows they care through their actionsāreaching out, putting in the effort, or genuinely being interested in your life. If it feels like the connection is one-sided mainly or fading, it might be time to take a step back and reassess.
That said, it can still be tough! Iām not entirely sure which way to go just yet. Part of me thinks it might be easier to let things fade quietly without having a big chat. But another part of me feels like I deserve more than just being a bystander in her life. Maybe that honest conversation could give me the closure Iām looking for.
Conclusion: You Deserve Real Friendships
Friendships should be a source of joy and support, not something that drains your energy. If you find yourself always giving and not receiving the same love and effort back, it could be a sign that the friendship needs some reconsideration. You deserve friends who celebrate your milestones, who truly care about you, and who treat you as an equal.
Iāve learned that itās perfectly fine to let go of relationships that donāt align with who I am or how I want to grow. Itās not about cutting people out harshly; itās more about recognizing when a friendship has naturally run its course.
Moving forward, I want to focus on nurturing the relationships that positively impact my lifeāthose where respect, effort, and love go both ways. Iām ready to stop investing time in friendships that make me feel more like a follower than a friend!Ā
Letās Talk About Red Flags!
Have you ever been in a friendship where you felt more like an onlooker in their life rather than an active participant? How did you deal with that situation? Do you think itās better to bring it up directly with them or just let things gradually drift apart? Iād really love to hear your thoughts and experiencesāfeel free to share in the comments below!
