Tag: personal relationships

This isn’t the post I intended to write about Hector’s birthday. I wanted to share joyful memories, the love that went into planning, and the special moments. 

But the day felt different. I’ve hesitated to write this, fearing it would come off as negative. However, I left the day with a heavy heart and mixed emotions.

So, instead of pretending, I’m choosing honesty. This isn’t the birthday recap I imagined, but it’s the story I’m going to share.

Why Is It Always My Job to Keep the Peace?

Every time I dive into the saga of my challenging in-laws, I get bombarded with the same old recycled advice, and I have officially reached my breaking point! “Give it time.” “Don’t take it personally.” “Find common ground.” “Pick your battles.” It’s like a broken record playing on repeat! Honestly, does anyone really understand what I’m going through? If I hear those clichés one more time, I might just explode!

Why am I always the one expected to bend over backward, tiptoe around tension, and sacrifice my peace—all while they bulldoze over my boundaries? Why is the emotional labor always my job? Why am I the one expected to zip my lips, swallow my feelings, and “make it work” for some illusion of family harmony?

At some point, I just want someone—anyone—to tell me it’s okay to stop being steamrolled. That it’s okay to stop playing the damn martyr.

The Breaking Point

Let me paint you a picture of the moment that finally pushed me over the edge.

It was my partner Hector’s birthday. I had poured my heart and soul into planning the celebration. From the food to the setup, I wanted it to be something meaningful, something joyful. My mom was there too—it was the first time in five years that she was meeting Hector’s parents.

And how did Hector’s parent respond? I saw them engage with my mom for about ten minutes—and I appreciated it. I really did. But the moment my sisters-in-law arrived, that brief window of interaction slammed shut. 

My sisters-in-law are a completely different story. They arrived, sat at one table, and immediately formed their own exclusive little island. No mingling. No small talk with my friends. Not even a simple greeting to me. They just clung to each other, laughing and chatting in their own world like the rest of us didn’t exist. It was like watching a scene from a play where I wasn’t even cast.

They were physically there, sure. But emotionally? A million miles away.

And yet, I was expected to be the gracious host. To smile, shrug it off, and “not take it personally.”

But seriously—how should I take it?

Is It Me?

I cried myself to sleep that night. I had been so stressed in the days leading up to that party, wanting it to go smoothly, wanting it to matter. And in the end? It felt like none of it did.

And I’ll be honest—this whole experience has brought up some painful thoughts I don’t like admitting.

Because this isn’t the first time I’ve felt like the odd one out with someone else’s family.

My ex’s parents never really liked me either. They were never outright rude, but there was always this cold distance. Like no matter what I did, I wasn’t what they pictured. I wasn’t “right” for their son. And even though I told myself it was about them—not me—that feeling has never fully left.

So now, I find myself asking the tricky, painful question:

Is it me? Am I the problem?

Because when you’ve felt this kind of rejection more than once, it starts to dig into your sense of worth. I know I’m outspoken—maybe even a little too much. I don’t fit into their mold; I’m not the “ideal” girl they envision. I’m that little half-breed who breaks the expectations—they want someone who knows how to behave, who speaks Spanish with ease. When Hector’s mom mentioned that her top tip for a healthy relationship is respecting your in-laws, it sent my brain into a spin! Was that a jab? A warning? A judgment? The spiral is real—and exhausting.

Why am I always responsible for maintaining peace that clearly isn’t mutual? Why does “family harmony” always seem to mean I have to shrink, contort, and censor myself?

I’m drained. Utterly drained.

I’m not asking for miracles. I’m not demanding perfection. What I want is basic human decency. A little effort. A little acknowledgment. A sign that I’m not invisible in this dynamic.

What nobody tells you is that constantly suppressing your emotions to keep the peace doesn’t bring you closer to your in-laws. It only distances you from yourself. And one day, you wake up and realize—you’ve been disappearing to keep everyone else comfortable.

Here’s the truth:

It is absolutely okay to have boundaries.

It’s okay to say, “this doesn’t work for me.”

It’s okay to stop trying to win approval you may never get.

And it’s more than okay to stop pretending the same old advice is enough.

I’m not here to be a family punching bag. I’m not here to play the part of the endlessly agreeable peacekeeper.

I’m a human being—with feelings, limits, and the right to be treated with respect.

Sometimes, when people say, “Just deal with it,” it can feel a bit dismissive and even hurtful. 

I’ve decided that I’m over that kind of attitude!

Let’s Talk About It

Have you ever felt this way? If you’ve found yourself feeling small, overlooked, or labeled as the “difficult one” just for standing up for your boundaries, I’d love to hear from you! Please feel free to share your story in the comments. The more we open up, the more connected we can feel.

Let’s embrace honesty together and support one another! 💬💖

Hey guys! You’re probably wondering where I’ve disappeared to. Even though I often take extended breaks from posting, I always try to share something for Spooktober, and with Halloween tomorrow, this is my first post. 

After the Hozier concert in September, my life has been a rollercoaster of emotions. I’m currently failing two classes, and my boyfriend and I have decided to get married and not get married within days of each other. On top of that, my car door isn’t working, which has left me trapped in and out of my car due to this issue. I’ve also been experiencing some medical problems, but for some reason, I haven’t gone to the hospital yet. I know why I haven’t gone. It’s happening because of one of three reasons. Reason 1 is I’m stressed, 2 is overweight, or 3 is both. I don’t feel like paying a doctor to be told there might not be a problem when there is one, but Kaiser doesn’t care enough to find it.

Let me backtrack a bit. I had a heart-to-heart with my boyfriend about marriage, and while I had everything meticulously planned, he seemed disinterested and weary of the topic. Everything was falling into place—we were all set for a beautiful ceremony next year—until a recent argument cast a shadow of uncertainty over our wedding. It almost feels like the idea of marriage was a ploy to silence my persistent planning.

And it doesn’t help that this morning in my English class, my teacher discussed societal problems for our research papers. She showed us how to use ChatGPT to create more specific essay topics from broad subjects. One of her examples was social issues in modern marriages, focusing on long-term commitment issues and divorce rates. As someone who just got engaged, those issues hit hard and made me feel apprehensive, leading me to question whether we should even get married. I brought this up with him, and instead of reassuring me that marriage was a good idea, he suggested that we should wait. That response didn’t help me feel any better.

So, how does my unease about marriage lead to a heated argument? Remember how I’ve mentioned feeling confined in and out of my car? Today was one of those days. I couldn’t get the car door open. What started as a day of punctuality turned into a 20-minute delay because I couldn’t get into my car at all. My brother tried to help, but to no avail. I asked Hector when he planned to fix it, and he said he was waiting for me to buy the part. Last week, I spent money on tattoos for both of us. If I had known I needed to buy a part, I would have spent my money on that instead. I felt upset that he was placing the blame on me.

It turned into a “he said, she said” argument, but in the end, it doesn’t really matter. When I initially gave Hector my car to fix, instead of resolving the issue, he ended up removing the part that was keeping the car door together in the first place. It felt like a betrayal of trust. 

I’m feeling really sad right now. I keep wondering if we’re still together and whether we’ll get married. I’ve thought about dropping out of school and just staying in bed forever. Honestly, I wish I had a strong drink right now because I’d rather be drunk than feel this way.

Hey! I’m feeling a bit nervous about this post as I haven’t written like this in a while. It might affect my relationship, but I really need to express myself.

“We accept the love we think we deserve.” This is a quote from Stephen Chbosky’s book “The Perks of Being a Wallflower.”

This quote has been on my mind for some time now. I often reflect on it, especially when it comes to my current partner and my past relationships. Looking back, I realize I’ve allowed myself to be treated poorly by my exes because I didn’t think I deserved any better.

One of my exes was particularly critical of my hobby of photography. He told me that I took too many photos and videos and that it was annoying. At the time, I had two Canon cameras that I loved using. But because of his criticism, I stopped taking pictures altogether, lost my passion for photography, and got rid of my cameras.

Another ex of mine criticized my baking skills. They told me that my desserts were never good enough and that I should find a new hobby. Since then, I’ve had difficulty feeling confident in my baking, and nothing I make ever looks good enough.

A few years ago, my current partner expressed that I was too clingy and needed to find some hobbies. In response, I’ve decided to become a book and crochet enthusiast. Although I genuinely enjoyed reading and had previously crocheted with my mom, I found it challenging to juggle school, work, hobbies, and a relationship at the same time. Nonetheless, I was determined to become a book girlie and to find a balance between everything in my life.

I understand that my partner has responsibilities and interests, and I don’t want to come off as clingy. However, I feel there’s a difference between wanting to spend time with him and being overly attached. Unfortunately, my partner sometimes forgets that I feel isolated out here. Even though I have friends I love, my family lives in Las Vegas, and I’m practically alone here. I want to spend time with my partner without feeling like a burden on him. We’ve been together for a few years, and as time passes, I’m becoming increasingly eager to get married. I’ve dropped hints, my mother has dropped hints, and even his family has dropped hints. If he isn’t ready to settle down, the lack of action on his part speaks volumes. On the other hand, if he is ready to settle down but just not with me, I can accept that, but I need him to be honest with me. I know that my struggle with depression and my struggle with keeping a clean home has been a problem mentioned before, and that’s understandable.

I sometimes feel bitter about not being married or engaged yet. I have been in a relationship with my partner for most of my twenties, and I’d like to know how long I should wait for him to take the next step. However, what upset me was when he suggested I only wanted to get married because my friend Jasmine recently got engaged. That’s not the case at all.

I feel like I’m begging to be loved. It’s making me feel pathetic and weak. I understand my partner has many priorities, but it’s disheartening to realize I’m not even in his top five. He might argue that driving me around shows how much of a priority I am, but running errands is different than prioritizing our relationship. I know my lack of a car is causing some issues between us, but it’s only a temporary problem.

During my birthday trip, I had a conversation with my partner about marriage. He said that he wanted to get married but wanted to organize his life before making any hard decisions. I respected his decision, but he became defensive when I asked about his plan to get his life together. I work full-time and attend school, while he has only worked part-time for the past few years. It was only after I broke down crying about the financial responsibility that he decided to get a full-time job. He says marriage is different and doesn’t want to disappoint me, which I found confusing. It was like saying, couldn’t he disappoint me while we were dating? We can tell from my self-explanatory post he can.

Although I want to get married, I don’t believe it is a magical solution to our problems. I am aware that the divorce rate is high, and being a child of divorce, I know that it’s not a decision to be taken lightly.

Currently, I find myself reevaluating my relationship and feeling terrible about it. It’s time for me to take control of my life and stop letting my commitment issues rule it. Although my partner is an amazing person, I need to ensure that this relationship is genuinely what I want before proceeding further. I understand that I may try to convince myself that I’m overthinking and overreacting in a few days, but I won’t fall into that trap again. I deserve happiness, and it’s time to fight for it without jeopardizing a good thing. Because even if we don’t stay together, I will want this person in my life.

I know some people might accuse me of being overdramatic and taking advantage of Hector, but for the most part, our relationship is great. However, we spend around 40% of our time either not talking or arguing. Currently, we’re not talking because I brought up an ongoing argument that we never resolved. Hector won’t speak to me because he doesn’t think there’s a problem, and even if I’m screaming at the top of my lungs, he won’t respond. We won’t talk until I apologize or restart the conversation because I know he won’t. It’s always like this: I have to apologize even if I’m not in the wrong.

The reason why he won’t talk is because of a communication behavior called Stonewalling. It’s a fancy term that refers to shutting down during a conflict. I know that this is an expected behavior, but I dislike it. Stonewalling is a form of self-defensive communication that is mainly observed in men. The idea is that if they don’t say anything, they can’t make the situation worse. However, this behavior actually makes things worse because it involves refusing to communicate and withdrawing from the conversation. It makes me feel like the other person doesn’t value me enough to even engage in a conversation.

It’s time to realize that I deserve to be treated with love and respect in my relationships. I shouldn’t have to settle for anything less than what I’m worth. I am capable of pursuing my passions and living my best life, and I won’t let anyone else hold me back.