I officially cut ties with my dad today. No blowout, no screaming match — just a long thread of text messages that finally made everything crystal clear. And now I’m sitting here crying, even though part of me doesn’t understand why.
We never had a real relationship. He wasn’t there for the hard parts, the big moments, or the small ones either. He’d pop in and out when it was convenient, and I learned early on not to expect much. So why does this still hurt?
Because despite everything, I was still hoping — hoping that things would change now that I’m an adult. With my wedding coming up and the thought of starting a family in the next couple years, I thought maybe he’d want a relationship now. Not to magically become a “dad,” but to show interest, to show up, to at least try. I thought maybe, by the time I had kids, things would be easier. That I wouldn’t have to explain why I have a father but no real connection with him.
But today’s texts — the back-and-forth, the vague answers, the deflections, and the lack of true accountability — confirmed what I’ve always feared but tried to ignore: he’s not willing to take responsibility, not for the past and not for the impact his choices continue to have.
He downplayed things that mattered, avoided the truth, and tried to detach himself from people he once called family. And I realized — maybe for the first time with full clarity — that I’ve been holding onto hope that’s never going to be met.
So I’m letting go. Not out of spite. Not because I want to erase him. But because I need peace. I need to move forward into this next chapter of my life — marriage, kids, adulthood — without dragging dead weight behind me.
And yet… I’m crying. Not for him, really. But for all the younger versions of me who wished he’d show up. For the version of me that still wanted him to try. For the daughter who deserved better.
This is the first time I’ve ever confronted him. After all these years, I finally said the things I’d been carrying — and now I don’t feel guilty anymore. Because if I’m being honest, it was never my job to maintain a relationship that he barely put effort into. That’s not how love or family is supposed to work.
Letting go of someone who was never truly there is a strange kind of grief. You’re not just saying goodbye to a person — you’re saying goodbye to the idea of who you hoped they could be.
So this is it. I’m done waiting. I’m choosing myself. I’m choosing the family who shows up, the people who love me out loud, and the future I’m building — one that won’t be built on broken promises or one-sided effort.
If you’re reading this and feel something similar — I see you. It’s okay to mourn. It’s okay to be hurt even when the relationship never really existed the way it should have. Your feelings are valid.
And yes — to make it all even heavier, today is Father’s Day. That makes this ache cut deeper than I expected. Part of me regrets doing it today. But deep down, I knew this was the only day I’d probably get a response from him. The irony isn’t lost on me — the one day that celebrates fathers is the same day I had to finally let go of mine.
I’m sad that this is happening. But it is happening. And in a way, that clarity is something I’ve needed for a long time.
Here’s to letting go anyway. Here’s to healing. Here’s to choosing peace — even when it hurts.
P.S.
Since it’s Father’s Day, I want to take a moment to share some thoughts. As I wrap up this chapter with my biological dad, I feel incredibly lucky to have a stepdad who has really stepped up for me in all the important ways. I love and respect him so much! We chat every week, and I’m excited to see him this July. He’s been a wonderful, steady presence in my life, and I’m so grateful for our relationship. Family isn’t just about blood; it’s about the people who are truly there for you, and I appreciate him every single day.
If you’ve been following my blog for a while, you might remember a post where I opened up about my complicated relationship with my biological dad. For years, I struggled to acknowledge how much his absence affected me because I didn’t want to diminish the love I have for my stepdad or the strength my mom showed. But that post was just the beginning of my journey toward honesty. Today’s decision to cut ties with my dad is simply another step in that ongoing journey.
