Iāve been told I shouldnāt feel sad. This was in reference to my postpartum depression. Donāt be sad!
Instead, I should be happy that I have a healthy baby, because my family knows someone whose baby was just born and is now in the NICU, needing surgery. Since I donāt have to experience that kind of fear and heartbreak, Iām reminded that I shouldnāt be sad about what Iām going through.
I didnāt say anything at the time. I just sat there and took it in.
But later, I couldnāt stop thinking about how incredibly painful it is to feel like your emotions need to be justified by someone elseās suffering.
It feels like everything has become a Trauma Olympics. Someone else has it worse, so why are you complaining? Someone else is hurting more, so what right do you have to be upset?
Iām tired of feeling like I have to apologize for my feelings.
I can be incredibly grateful that my baby is healthy and still feel sad. I can feel blessed and overwhelmed. I can be happy and anxious. I can love my baby more than anything in this world and still struggle with everything Iām feeling.
Those things donāt cancel each other out.
My pain, frustration, anger, and anxiety donāt become less real just because someone else is experiencing something worse. Pain isnāt a competition. There is no ranking system that determines whose feelings are valid and whose arenāt.
And honestly, being told that I shouldnāt feel the way I feel doesnāt make those emotions disappear. It just makes me feel like I have to hide them.
Like Iām not allowed to admit that Iām struggling.
Like I should feel guilty for having a hard time when, from the outside, everything looks okay.
Thatās part of why I keep writing this blog.
Because maybe someone else is feeling this too.
Maybe someone else has been told to be grateful when what they really needed was someone to say, āI know youāre grateful. Youāre still allowed to hurt.ā
Maybe someone else is sitting quietly, swallowing their feelings because theyāre afraid someone will remind them that someone else has it worse.
I donāt want to swallow mine anymore.
Iām grateful for my baby. I know how incredibly fortunate I am.
And Iām still allowed to have hard days.
Iām still allowed to be sad.
Iām still allowed to be angry, frustrated, anxious, overwhelmed, or confused.
I donāt need to prove that my pain is worse than someone elseās before Iām allowed to feel it.
My feelings donāt need permission to exist.