How do you make time for self-care?
Well… that answer looks a little different now that the baby is here.
And honestly? I haven’t quite figured this one out yet.
I feel slightly ridiculous even admitting this, but I think my first real act of self-care is going to be asking my mother-in-law to watch the baby while I pump.
I wear my wearable pump for the majority of the day, which is fantastic because I can actually move around and do things. But I also have my original electric pump, and while it works perfectly fine, I have to physically hold the damn thing, which makes me feel like I’m being milked by a small appliance. So naturally, I found it tedious.
Until I realized what I really want is alone time.
Not even a lot of it.
I’m talking about the glorious 30 minutes every four hours where someone else is responsible for the baby and I can just exist as Eryn for a minute.
I don’t want a massage.
I don’t want a relaxing bath.
I don’t want to go on a cute little solo coffee date and journal about my feelings.
No.
I want to sit on my phone, doomscroll, watch TikToks, stare into the internet void, and consume an absolutely irresponsible amount of useless information while nobody needs anything from me.
Because as much as I absolutely love being a mom, we are still in the relatively easy newborn stage where she sleeps approximately 90% of the day.
Which is wonderful.
It is also… boring?
There. I said it.
Sometimes I get bored. Sometimes I get anxious. Sometimes I start worrying about whether I’m picking her up too much.
Am I holding her enough?
Am I holding her too much?
Should I let her sleep?
Should I wake her?
Why did she make that noise?
Is she breathing?
Was that a normal newborn noise or a “Google immediately” noise?
And then I have to remind myself:
Eryn. Put the phone down. You have already Googled this seven times.
Sometimes I just need a break from worrying about the baby.
And what better way to take a break from my anxious thoughts than to replace them with completely unrelated nonsense from the internet?
That, apparently, is my version of self-care now.
Hand the baby to Grandma. Hook myself up to the milk machine. Grab my phone. Enter the TikTok trenches. Become completely useless to society for 30 minutes.
And honestly?
I think I deserve it.
Motherhood has dramatically lowered my standards for what qualifies as “me time,” and I’m choosing to embrace it.
Give me 30 uninterrupted minutes, my phone charger, an electric pump, and absolutely no responsibility for another human being.
I’ll call it a spa day.