Posted in Blogmas

A Little Christmas Eve Stress

Merry Christmas Eve!!!!

Are you ready to start the celebrations? Are you prepared for the holiday to be over?

Will you stay up until midnight on Christmas Eve, or will you celebrate Christmas Day?

Are you still trying to make food, wrap gifts and not have a mental breakdown?

I’ve already had two holiday breakdowns. That’s a new record for me.

Usually, I’m prepared for the holiday. I say that, but I always have some last-minute gifts I have to buy and some last-minute desserts I want to try. This year it feels like I got blindsided by Christmas.

I’ve stressed getting gifts, making food, and being as helpful to others. I’ve worn myself thin. Now I want the holiday to be over. I know I can’t always buy the perfect gift, make everyone happy, or have every holiday experiment unique. But that doesn’t mean I won’t try.

I want to sit together, gifts open and forgotten, and a Harry Potter or a Christmas movie playing. I want to get over this giant to-do list I’ve made for myself.

I still haven’t gotten my boyfriend’s family a gift. I want them to like me, but I’m also never around because I always work. I feel it makes the few times I do come about more of a nuisance and cause more problems than I’m worth.

How is that different than any other time I’m literally anywhere with anyone? It isn’t, but I think due to the holiday, it feels different.

Buying my boyfriend’s parents’ gift, I have fallen into a spiral.

I don’t know what to get them. I don’t know what they like. I’m never around to talk to them. Maybe I shouldn’t get them anything. How can I get them to like me if I don’t get them anything. And restart the cycle.

And it doesn’t help that my boyfriend’s advice is they will like whatever you get them. First of all, that is a lie. Second, don’t you know what your parents like?

I was going to make a cheesecake, but what if it isn’t good enough? I might make them some fudge, but what if they don’t like it?

So many what-ifs, and I only have one day.

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