So, there’s a lot happening in America right now—the inauguration, the 130 PRESIDENTIAL ACTIONS that Trump has already passed or is trying to pass—and it’s taking away my focus from the things that really matter: Milan fashion week. Kidding, of course.
Today I spent a good portion of the day on whitehouse.gov reading the presidential actions because I need to know what’s going on. My dad has always said it’s better to go to the source vs. getting from a news site if the source is available. So that’s what I did.
I’m a little confused and upset about things, so I turned to all of my self-help books that focus on controlling anxiety and dealing with things you can’t control, and all of them suggest the same thing: meditation. Now, I’ve tried practicing medication before, and I’ll be honest, I don’t know how to meditate. My mind wonders; I swear every noise becomes a thousand times louder; I sense everything happening around me.
So I closed my eyes and started focusing on my breathing, only thinking and paying attention to taking deep breaths. I began to say affirmations, something good about myself, something to focus on that’s not me. It helps, and I feel more in tune with my body, inside and out. I focused on what hurt and it was my back and my neck- due to my poor posture. So I breathe, sit up as straight as possible, and tilt my head back. And I focus on what I feel inside.
Before I can even focus on anything, I’m crying. I stayed crying, not trying to find a source or anything because I knew I needed to cry. Why? Because otherwise, I’ll explode. I’m stressed, tired, scared, and frustrated.
I’m scared about what will happen in the next four years, but I can’t really focus on politics because I need to focus on getting a job, and it’s not like I’m in a position to do anything if I want to. I’m tired of feeling helpless and not knowing if things will get better. But I have to stay optimistic that they will because I won’t want to get out of bed.
I didn’t leave my room for a long time today, and I need to get back out there. I need to live my life instead of letting it pass me by. I need to start going on walks or working out and being productive, and honestly, just sitting and meditating helped me regain the confidence to do so.
