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I’m already ruining Christmas

My poor spending habits have finally caught up to me. Not surprising.

Now I know you’re like, Eryn, what happened to the budget you made yourself? What happened to all the money you set aside and planned to spend for Christmas?

To that, I say, remember when I didn’t have a job for almost two months? I was depressed and stressed. And people act differently when they are depressed. So I used my emergency money for all my September and October bills and everything else I’ve spent.

When I’m stressed, I shop a lot. I am always ending spending more than I have. I used to buy clothes, but because I’m sensitive about my weight I don’t buy clothes anymore; I buy books and coffee, and I keep having to go to the doctor- why is a copay a $30-$40?!?! And is it so bad to feel good buying things for myself?

So now I have a list of bills that need to be paid and rent. That’s going to eat my current check, and I won’t be able to buy things until next week. It sucks that everything probably won’t arrive until after Christmas.

And I know that late gifts aren’t bad or wrong. It’s just I know I’m going to be sitting there, and people will give me gifts, but I will have nothing to give back.

It makes me feel guilty. It always make me stop and question; Am I selfish? It’s the season of giving and it feels like I have only been thinking of myself.

Does shopping last minute make me a bad person?

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