I’ll keep this short.
I’m sure I’ve written and posted this same post a thousand times, and I’ll probably write it a thousand more, but I’m tired. I am tired of life.
It seems like nothing I do matters. Why else would the people I love tell me to calm down before I can even finish saying my thought? Why else would my brother ask me if I took my pills, or is it the time of the month?
Now I know what you’re going to say. “Eryn, you have to think of it from their point of view. Your family may not be comfortable with how emotional your reactions are.” But no matter what I say, I’m told to relax or calm down. They think I overreact about everything. Sometimes I can be a little over the top. That’s the Pisces in me.
You have to understand my side of it. I’m emotional. I get excited easily, I get sad easily, I get mad easily, and I get anxious easily. So let’s just say these emotions hit me hard. My excitement flows through my body like a song and makes me want to share it with others. Sadness hits like a hurricane; soon, I’m flooded with my thoughts; I cry and withdraw from the world. When I’m mad, I rant, rave, and grind my teeth. Anxiety is the most unpredictable mood-changer for me. I never know whether my reaction will be to fight, freeze or flee.
I’m clearly riding some sort of emotional roller coaster, so don’t tell me to calm down. I know what you’re thinking, that there’s got to be a time and a place where it is appropriate for you to tell me to calm down, right? WRONG!!
Telling me to calm down will never get the result you’re hoping for.
Yes, I’m loud and intense. But please understand that I’m aware of this. In fact, I’m painfully aware of this. I’m working on getting better at not having a loud personality. I promise I am. I’m tired of being seen as less approachable by people who don’t know. I can only imagine what the people who know me think.
But telling me to calm down is just going to hurt my feelings. I know this doesn’t seem like a big deal, but being told to calm down or relax when I’m not even upset makes me upset.
It’s really condescending. It’s like I’m being told that I can’t control my feelings when I totally can. It almost implies that it’s my fault that I feel a specific way or that I’m totally out of line for speaking. It’s awful to be told my feelings are wrong or feel judged and not heard. You might as well ask me to shut up.
Also, is it just me, or does calm down often feel gendered? When was the last time you heard someone tell a man to calm down or relax in broad daylight?