We’re sixteen days into the year. Sixteen days into Bloganuary. And I’ve posted… seven times. Which feels on-brand for where my brain’s been lately: start strong, spiral gently, disappear emotionally, resurface with a thought dump and a latte.
Most of my posts so far have felt like emotional ping pong.
Am I a good person?
Feel sorry for me.
I’m depressed.
I hate myself.
Actually—wait—no—I’m reclaiming my power.
Repeat until further notice.
Here’s the part I keep circling but haven’t said plainly: I’m on six different medications right now. I’ve been prescribed them for about a month, but I fully ghosted them for almost a week and a half. Partly because it didn’t feel like they were working. Which, logically, is ridiculous. These things take time—like two months—to settle. And I’ve been taking them with the commitment level of a situationship.
So yeah, my emotions are… feral.
Lately I feel more disconnected from my body than I did before the pills. Like I’m hovering just slightly above myself, watching her try. I’m hoping that with time, consistency, therapy, and an unreasonable amount of self-reflection, things will start to level out. Writing posts like this—even when they’re messy, oversharing, and a little unhinged—helps pull me back into myself. It slows me down. It reminds me I exist.
It also helps me reconnect, especially with Hector’s family.
They didn’t deserve the chaos I’ve been projecting onto them. I let my emotions run absolutely unchecked. I had a real breakdown—not because anyone was secretly evil—but because I was exhausted, overwhelmed, frustrated, and carrying too much for too long. Hector and his family aren’t perfect, but they’re also not the villains my burnout brain cast them as.
I’m tired. I’m trying. And I’m learning that healing isn’t linear, productive, or aesthetically pleasing. Sometimes it doesn’t look like growth—it looks like honesty. Like telling the truth. Like showing up anyway, even when you’re shaky, medicated, and still figuring out which version of yourself is real today.
And honestly? That counts.
