School is out, and I don’t know how I feel about continuing my educational journey.
If you know me or have been following this blog long enough, I tend to quit when things get hard and school is getting hard. I asked to be in an accelerated program, and now I can’t handle it. And if I can’t handle community college, how will I be able to handle attending university?
At the start of the semester, I was really feeling myself with how well I did in the fall. My plan for spring was to take 4 classes; not only did I take 4, but I also took 2 advanced courses. I was doing well in the beginning before my birthday, then March hit, and I don’t know what happened. By April, I was drowning in late work and missing assignments. I ended the semester with bad grades- to me- and one of my classes as an incomplete. My friends often say, “C’s make degrees,” but that doesn’t help me stay in the advanced program I wanted to be in.
The thing is, classes will only get harder and faster, and I have already stressed out over 12 credits, 4 classes, and 16 weeks. Most universities work on a quarter system for 8 weeks, which is half my current situation. Knowing this has left me wondering if I have what it takes to continue.
Being a full-time student and a full-time employee takes a lot of work. This is common knowledge, yet I see so many full-time workers, students, and parents, and it feels like they don’t struggle as much as I do. I constantly feel like I am running out of time.
I daydream about quitting my job and focusing solely on my studies. I know what you’re thinking – “You’d still procrastinate, Eryn.” And you’re right, I probably would, but I imagine all the extra time I’d have to really dive into my studies. I remember the days when I didn’t have a job, and despite my procrastination, I also got my stuff done. It had to do with the fact I had a planner, and it was my lifesaver; it had all my assignments and work schedule, and just visually seeing everything really helped me focus my time. I definitely plan on getting a planner again.
While feeling sorry for myself, I found two things hilarious about my schooling. First, I stopped being a business major because it was too hard, and then I instantly threw myself into a harder program. The biggest joke of them all is that I’m a communication major, and yet I feel like I know how to communicate less now than ever. But deep down, I know I can make it work. I have the drive and determination to overcome this challenge.
I am a mess right now. So much has happened this semester, but next semester will be better.
