My days feel like a blur lately. I missed May the fourth and Cinco De Mayo and Doctor Strange being released.
May is mental health awareness month.
I want to remind everyone mental health is wealth. Remember that taking care of your mental and emotional health is as important as taking care of your physical body.
For others who are fighting mental health issues, I hope you have friends who can make you laugh and dogs who love you even when your feet stink.
Remember, it really does get better
I do mean all the positive things I think and say about mental health but I’d be a liar if I didn’t admit that lately, my mental health has been declining.
I decided to assess anything I have been exposing myself to can cause stress.
We have to find the source so we can learn how to fix it. I love the idea of being positive 1000% of the time but we can’t just pretend things are fine when they aren’t.
I’m poor, living in California. It turns out my living situation stresses me the fuck out. So does my relationship and my job and just my life in general.
But my living situation has been my primary stressor for a while. My house is a garbage can, my roommates suck, and I am trapped here.
Now I don’t know if I’ve talked about my living situation enough, but here’s the gist. I rent a house with three other people. It has a roach infestation, and I’m at least 50% sure there is mold under the kitchen flooring, and then the dust build-up in the house is ridiculous.
My roommates don’t care. Two of them don’t work, stay home, and smoke weed. They are a couple, and based on their relationship; I can always tell by how much money and weed they have. If they are lovey-dovey, they just got their food stamps and other government aid. When funds are low, they argue and hate each other.
The other does work, but it’s part-time because anything else would be too “taxing on them.” which is bullshit. Before actually getting a job, their job was going to job interviews. I know that sounds mean, but it is not. Explain to me how a single person can do 13 interviews a month and not get any job? And this was monthly; they would go out and do 10-15 job interviews monthly.
Now I’m not a perfect roommate either, but I’m hardly ever at home, so it makes up for it. It was only recently I started acting like a dick. There was a time when I was working like 48+ hours a week for almost a month, and being at home meant showering and sleeping. Then I got a text telling me to do my dishes, and I was like, what dishes? So now I’m petty and make a point to let my dishes sit in the sink overnight.
And because I’ve said all of this to their faces at one point or another, they hate me.
Trying to find a good place to live in California seems impossible. I was unrealistic when I first started apartment hunting. Thinking I make more than minimum wage and have okay credit, I can probably afford something. And then Zillow laughed at me. Here’s a studio for $1500, but there’s no kitchen. Here is a one-bedroom apartment, but you must make three times the rent, have excellent credit, and it’s almost two hours from your job. I’ve seen places that require you to pay two security deposits before signing a lease! I don’t think that’s even legal. My favorite thing is when the rent is listed as one thing, and then they say it is between $100-$200 for utilities. Thanks; the rent is more than you’ve listed, got it.
I want to move back to Las Vegas. I would be close to my mom again and wouldn’t be living paycheck to paycheck. But I can’t. My life is here. I keep thinking of all my people I would miss if I packed up and left.