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25 and Can’t Drive

How am I supposed to be thirty, flirty, and thriving in five years when I’m 25 and can’t drive?

Growing up, I thought by the time I was 25, I would have done a lot more in my life.

I feel like, at times, I have this daunting to-do list over my head, and I haven’t checked off a single thing.

  • Graduate college? Nope
  • Have my own apt/home? Nope
  • Learn to balance my finances? Nope
  • Travel? Nope

I feel like I’m pretending to be an adult. My twenties are almost over, and what do I have to show for it?

By 25, my mom had two kids and met the person she would spend her life with. My grandfather had already fought in a war, married my grandmother, and adopted three children to raise. I know it was a different time, and everyone moves at their own pace. But it still hurts.

It feels like being an adult in the 2020s is impossible. I’ve heard the term extended adolescence, but I don’t think that’s what I’m facing.

I’m not pretending to be a teenager. I don’t expect my parents to take over and do everything for me. I have my responsibilities, and I take care of them. I have a work ethic and ambition.

But it’s almost like I’m 18 all over again. Young, poor, and stupid thrust into the world without knowing what to do. Except I’m not young!

It’s a different world now. It’s trying to get a job that matches my 401k and confirming how much my job’s insurance actually covers. It’s baby showers, engagements, and being asked to be a bridesmaid.

The closer I get to 25, it’s like my absolute priorities change. I went from never wanting any kids to planning to have one kid before I’m thirty, so that way, I’m still young enough to be a mom. My biological clock started ticking last year, and now it feels like a fire alarm is rattling in my mind, and now I’m scared.

And when I’m scared, the what-ifs and other concerns invade my brain. What if things don’t turn out the way I’ve been planning? What if I stay with him for three more years, and then we break up? There would be no way if we broke up that I would find someone at 28, get married and have a kid before 30! What if I can’t lose weight anymore because my metabolism is slowing down?

With 25 came new anxieties and worries. My acne never went away.

All of the early 2000s movies and tv shows I watched about women living their best lives in their late 20s early 30s seem like pipe dreams to me. I based so much of myself on those characters.

My life is closer to New Girl. Roommates, twee fashion (that’s what gen-z is calling hipster/soft grunge style), poor life decisions? Check!

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