Posted in Blogmas

Merry Christmas

It’s Christmas Day

Merry Christmas, and thank you for joining me for Blogmas! I have no idea if anyone will be reading blogs on Christmas day.

Today is a day to spend with family, so I hope you’re doing that today.

Christmas means a lot of different things to different people, and I love that. To me, it’s about being around the people I love. It’s eating together. It’s love, laughter. It’s happiness and joy.

And I knew things were going to be different this year, but I didn’t realize how different until the day came. I’m glad I will be at work instead of home alone today.

Last night I tried to spend Christmas Eve with my boyfriend’s family. It was awkward and uncomfortable. Mainly because everyone had already left by the time I got to the house.

When It comes to my boyfriend and his family, I feel like I’m always inviting myself over. His parents were falling asleep but didn’t want to go to bed because someone was at the house, and I just was like, gee, thanks, that’s not awkward at all. Which then is embarrassing because I’m there, and I don’t know how to say, “Hey, I know I forced my presence on all of you, and now it’s awkward, and I want to leave.”

I never learn, and I never listen. My mom has told me a thousand times if you aren’t invited, don’t ask to go. And I still ask to go. I want to spend time with them, but they don’t consider me family. And my boyfriend says it’s because I’m never over, but when I am over, there’s no conversation, or it’s late. They want to go to bed and not play hostesses to the little girl without a family.

Last night, I just wanted my family, and I didn’t get it. I just wanted to sing carols and have warm hugs and have fun. I miss even the simplest things like watching a movie, eating, or decorating our house special.

My mom was sick this year, so she didn’t miss out on people not visiting. She was more grateful she could rest and not have to get out of bed and play host. It’s not COVID; it’s just the flu. Around this time of year, either I, my mom, or my dad end up sick without fail. This year it’s my mom’s turn.

Just some silly little videos of what my Christmas used to be.

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