Posted in Lifestyle

23 GOALS FOR 2023!

Hello, 2023!!!!!!

It’s a new year and new beginnings!!

I’m excited to set some goals for this year. And yes, there are 23 goals, and this will be my last year doing 20+ goals. Starting next year, 20 will be the max goal I have. 

I wasn’t super excited to have 23 goals this year, but I couldn’t determine which ones to cut from my list. I’m already emotionally attached to all of them. But I am trying to focus mainly on thirteen specific goals; the rest are just things I want to try to do.

You will see a lot of things from previous years on here because these are things I feel I need to work on more. 

Let’s get into it, shall we?

1. 2023 Reading Challenge

On Barnes & Noble’s Instagram, they posted a 52-week book reading challenge. I want to combine that with the alphabetical challenge, which makes it much more complicated, and find a way to read the nine books I purchased when Barnes & Noble’s had 50% off all hardcovers.

2. Practice Mindfulness

I plan to meditate and get in the right headspace a few moments a day. I want to be aware of what I’m doing without being overwhelmed. I aim to step back from my thoughts and watch them and control them rather than them controlling me.

3. Staying Consistent

Whether at work, on this blog, or even with my diet, I want to be consistent. Otherwise, I’ll abandon things without realizing it. I feel like this may become a problem when I’m uninspired or upset about not seeing results, and I need to prepare for that and work around it.

4. Get Back into Journaling

Journaling helps me control my thoughts and emotions; I feel super stressed without journaling. Some days I’m just feeling a lot of things and I don’t always know how to express it.

5. Eliminate One Bad Habit

I have tons of bad habits, and it’s time to break them. I didn’t notice them until they began affecting my daily life. Mostly the overspending, slouching, procrastinating, negative self-talk, overthinking, failing to say no to people, and eating poorly. I’m sure there are more.

6. Write 100 Blogs

I think I can do it. I wrote over 50 blogs last year, so now I believe I can bust out 100 posts. Is this false confidence? Absolutely. But the new year, new me baby, and confidence are where it’s at.

7. Strengthen Relationships

This year I want to be there for the people in my life. Sometimes it feels like I don’t reach out unless it is a holiday or beneficial. And I want people to stay in my life, so I’ll start making the first move.

8. Create a Regular Exercise Routine

I want to end this year being smaller. I don’t need to reach a specific weight point, but I would like to be smaller. And even if not smaller, just more physically fit.

9. Prioritize My Happiness

I love making other people happy, but there comes the point where I also need to make myself happy. I need to acknowledge that it is not selfish to fill myself with joy. Give me what I genuinely want and need emotionally.

10. Speak Better Spanish

Do I speak better Spanish today than at the beginning of 2022? Heck yea, I do, but it’s still very elementary level. I’m nowhere near conversational in my Spanish. And surprisingly, I am better at writing and reading Spanish than I am at speaking it. The goal is to be able to have a conversation.

11. Another No Buy Month

When I had the no-buy month, I felt the most relaxed. No looming worry about where money was going or shock over how much I spent on food. It was a simpler time. Also, it helped control my impulse purchases.

12. Pay Off ALL Debt

My debt isn’t all that bad. I know people with hundreds of thousands in debt. Luckily I don’t have that, but when you live in California and barely make above minimum wage, it is like you’re living paycheck to paycheck, so paying off debt seems to be a little more complicated.

13. Focus On My Business

I announced that I would sell Ice Cream, but I never did. I got cold feet about actually doing something. This year is different; I have plans. I want to have a spot at Smorgasburg, Los Angeles. I want to get a business license. I want to do something with my hands that makes me proud.

14. Sew A Costume

I keep saying I will sew a costume, but I never do. Between the last-minute planning and the mental breakdown about my weight by the time Halloween comes, I don’t even have a costume more often than not. This year is different. I want a costume. I want to be Anastasia from the 1997 cartoon.

15. Reflect On Each Month

I would really like to just get in touch with my feelings and remember what happened each month. What did I learn from each month? What were the high and low points? How can I make the next month better?

16. Spend More Time Outside

I’m never outside, and I hate that. My skin looks pale and even a little sick because I don’t remember the last time I was outside for longer than just walking to or from the car. I mean, I do, but that was back last March. Maybe I’ll try to do the 1000 hours outside challenge.

17. Take a Skill Class

I would love to try something new. I have been thinking about doing a yoga class or an art class. Just something to break up the norm, and you know, on The Sims, every time one of them takes a skill class, they always feel more inspired and focused. So, I’d love for a life that imitates art moment and would like to see if it works in real life.

18. Enforce Boundaries

I have a hard time setting personal boundaries as well as acknowledging others. It is not by choice, but it is something I need to be aware of and respect. I think for myself if I start to

19. Be Tidier

I want to declutter and organize my living space and life. In books, a character’s mental state is represented by their living space. I want a clean mind and a clean home. I plan to spend 25 minutes a week cleaning. This isn’t a lot, but for a person like me who procrastinates and is constantly tired, 5 minutes is more than a lot of time.

20. Have a Family Dinner Once A Month

I want to prioritize being with my family. My family is always doing something, and I never see them.

21. Fix Things I’ve Been Avoiding.

My house needs some TLC, and I’ve been saying I’ll get to it, and then I never do. Mainly because it’s so expensive but also because it’s all things that are for looks and not function. But they need to be done. So no more procrastinating.

22. Save for a car

I know this is always on my list. But this year, I mean it. For the last few years, I didn’t want to drive at all. I was scared to drive, but then I was forced to because I was house-sitting in a completely different city and had to go to work; Uber would have been way too expensive. And now I like driving. I’m still super anxious about it, but I feel better.

23. Volunteer

Last year I made more excuses about not having time to volunteer and once again donated money. It feels like just giving money is a cop-out. It feels like here’s money go away. And that’s not even close to how I think about giving. So I would like actually to do something for my community

Posted in Lifestyle

Covid Scare

What’s a holiday without a bit of drama?

It’s a little after 2 am, and I’m stressed.

My boyfriend tested positive for covid—his sisters, with who he lives, tested positive on Monday. They have been quarantined, and he’s had very little to no direct contact with them since Monday. Still, he’s been testing Daily, and every test before today was negative. He takes a test everyday after coming home from work. And after two years of not getting covid he’s positive. I have to get tested.

I feel like crap because I spent the entire day with my friends who have family members with weakened immune systems. A friend in very close contact with my boyfriend has a sick dad. I spent an entire day with my very high-risk pregnant friend this week, and what if I not knowing got her sick?

It’s becoming a spiral train of thought about every person around me, sick or not, and are and if I have been a super spreader without even knowing. It doesn’t help that I’ve been up for over 24hrs and won’t be going to sleep any time soon.

All plans are canceled until future notice. I’m getting a test in the morning, but if I am positive, I will have to stay at a hotel since I live with my uncle, who has a weak immune system.

I hate this.

Posted in Lifestyle

Goodbye fall

Halloween may be over, but it’s still fall y’all! For like another two weeks at least. Let’s not start celebrating Christmas until December.

I think it’s because everyone starts playing Christmas music on Halloween, making me want to celebrate it only in December. Also it’s disrespectful to Thanksgiving, one of the best holidays. We come together to spend time together and to eat. Those are my favorite things.

In preparation for thanksgiving, I’m holding onto every little bit of fall as I can. Because like what else is there to do except cook the day of?

I spent the last few weeks suffering from a cold, but I didn’t let that hold me back from enjoying the fall. I’m sad I didn’t visit a pumpkin patch this year, but I still got the best fall experience.

We had butternut squash pasta. Which is fantastic, and I hate that Trader Joe’s stops selling it once October ends.

I made my own pumpkin spice coffee syrup. And I don’t gatekeep, so trust that I’ll post a recipe.

And today, I’ve been babysitting, so I thought it would be nice for my nephew to take a thanksgiving picture since it’s next week. He’s a bit young and needed a little help with the finger painting, but I think the picture came out amazingly.

It’s a little blurry, but I wrote around his picture. “I made this little turkey so everyone can see that I am very grateful for all the things you do for me.”

Tell me why I’m looking at the picture, and I just realized I spelled grateful wrong. Oh my goodness, fail, epic fail on my part.

Posted in Lifestyle

Freak the Freak Out!

Calling all the 2000s kids, like you were enjoying the early 2000s and not being born then- yes, there’s a difference- who grew up watching Nickelodeon and Disney and want to relive their childhood, iParty is the place to go.

I’m sure everyone has seen the TikToks and Insta post, but it’s a dance party with nothing but classic Nickelodeon and Disney hits for those who haven’t—hosted by Matt Bennett aka Robbie from Victorious and Jeffrey the DJ.

They didn’t disappoint bringing all the throwbacks. They pulled out lemonade mouth, camp rock, old school Miley, and Selena. Of course, they played songs from Victorious. So much nostalgia jam-packed into one place.

One of my favorite parts of the night was realizing how many songs I knew but forgot about over the years. Every few songs, I’d say I don’t think I know this song, and after it would play for a bit longer, and it would hit. Like actual memories, I forgot.

It seems a little silly, but I don’t know how to explain it adequately. It’s honestly just like a complete experience. Jeffrey the DJ, and Matt Bennett hosting made it fun and upbeat and a great experience. They know how to throw it down.

I’m so glad I got some videos, but honestly, I’m super grateful my friend got videos of us together. My last ex told me that I didn’t know how to enjoy the moment and that I always had to take photos and videos of everything ruined the mood. And my current partner did understand until recently how important it is to take pictures. So while I’ve been focusing on enjoying the moment, I’ve had nothing to look back on. And tonight, I do. And I’m so grateful for that. I love sharing experiences with others; pictures and videos do what I could never do.

So please enjoy some videos of me freaking the freak out.

https://videos.files.wordpress.com/nPGQ31V4/img_1780.mp4
https://videos.files.wordpress.com/6wBJKym5/1655777f-5012-4486-ba4c-2df122a73b3b.mp4
https://videos.files.wordpress.com/zfVWSik1/img_1783.mp4
The drums on this song are iconic
https://videos.files.wordpress.com/Sw9AftBE/img_1775.mp4

I think it’s so cool they brought people up to do the hoedown throwdown!

https://videos.files.wordpress.com/4aAB0pEg/img_1777.mp4

We may be too old to trick-or-treat, but we’re not too old to beg Matt Bennett to throw candy at us. At times I literally had to dodge the candy. I thought it was gonna hit me right in the face.

Now that I’ve been to an iParty event, I cannot wait to go to an emo nite!

What’s your favorite classic Disney or Nickelodeon song?

Posted in Lifestyle

Our Flight is Ready for Departure

Hey guys, I’m Finally home.

Right now, I need sleep and money. Vegas has a way of getting all my money even when I’m not gambling.

I think I spent all my money at the ren faire and trying to get souvenirs for everyone. Both are worth it to me.

I had so much fun being out here, and the ren faire was the highlight of my trip. I will say the faire didn’t have mead. I was disappointed, but a small locally brewed root beer business that serves root beer in glass bottles that you can bring back for refills for the life of the bottle to any and every ren faire they attend made up for it.

The nightlight may have been meeting my nephew. Did I not mention that I may have run into my nephew at the ren faire? Well, I did, and he’s the cutest baby. The only thing I did not like was being such a small baby when he saw boobies; he tried to latch on. Why are babies so strong? What is a 2-month-old baby doing that need a tight grasp?

Of course, I waited until the night before I leave to try to bake and make ice cream and then failed to do both. I tried making my cookie recipe from memory. Do you know what happens when you somewhat remember and are tired? You make cookies with too much butter, flour, sugar, and chocolate chips and too little pumpkin. Instead of fluffy muffin-top cookie hybrids, I got bread-ish cookies. I think I undercooked them.

Posted in Lifestyle

VEGAS, BABY!

Hey guys a not spooky life update. I feel like I haven’t updated in a while.

I think the last time I spoke of my lfe was when I was complaining about being sick as how my insurance has been acting a little stupid well nothing has changed. Oh well. It is what it is.

For more important news. I’m so excited to be going to Vegas tomorrow- today? It’s after midnight so today!

I was supposed to go last month but life happened, and I couldn’t afford the trip. I can’t even afford this trip really, but who cares.

I’ve been dying to go to Vegas to visit my family. A few months ago my sister had a baby, a cute little boy. I have yet to meet my little nephew. I just know this kid is gonna grow up spoiled. I brought this little guy so many clothes already.

I’m also really excited to spend time with my mom. I always feel better when I’m with my mom. And lately, I’ve been hating being in California and my mom knows it and has been dropping major hints for me to move back. She even had m look at dog adoptions knowing I want a dog. Will I feel like I never want to leave after I get there? Yeah. It’s always a struggle to leave my mom.

I’m going for a week and aside from seeing the baby, I don’t have a plan. knowing my mom, she probably has a lot of things planned. The chances of us baking or making some random cooking experiment are high so expect a recipe blog. I know I have posted a recipe.

Posted in Lifestyle

Bi Visibility Day!

Happy Bi Visibility Day! I am a bit late with this, which I could pretend is because I’m trying to make the message resound on all days of the year, but it is actually because time ran away with me. I can’t lie to you.

You guys might not know this, but I do identify as bisexual.

You’re Bi? You don’t look, Bi

Sorry, let me just-

Are there t-shirts? Or is it a uniform?

Lack of bi visibility is why I wanted to post this and what being bisexual means to me. I LOVE being bi. It’s the way people often react to bi-ness that I don’t love.

For so long, I believed biphobia was not as severe as homophobia. I know that this belief meant that I spent a lot of effort fighting homophobia (both internalized and external) but not biphobia alongside this. I could not see how these struggles were interconnected as fights against restrictive sexual and gendered norms.

Being bisexual does not require an explanation, nor does how inseparable the intersections of our identities are.

Being bisexual is receiving quizzical looks from everyone who hears you talking about a cute guy moments after you mentioned a past relationship with a woman.

Being bisexual is being made to feel dirty. I cannot stress the importance of proving our sexualities to the rest of the world

Being bisexual is feeling left out from the group because sometimes LGBT feels more like LGbt..

Being bisexual is not transphobic. I’ve met people who dare to say being bisexual doesn’t include trans/nonbinary people in their eyes. I’m sick of that argument!!

Being bisexual doesn’t mean you aren’t monogamous

Being bisexual is pretty damn average, and It’s just a thing. Just like being straight, gay, pan, ace, demi, etc. It’s a thing.

I’m 100% one person and 100% bisexual.

Posted in Lifestyle

Happy September 1st

I’ve been gone for a while, I know. Trust me; it wasn’t the intention. I did, in my absence, make a new YouTube video explaining my troubles with my health. Hopefully, you guys will watch it. But that’s not the point of today’s post.

It’s September 1st. It’s time to go back to Hogwarts.

Now the kiddos in my life have started returning to school for the last two weeks. It’s crazy how time flies. I couldn’t believe it when my little nieces and nephews told me what grades they were going to. I was like, stop getting bigger because I swear you’re starting like 1st grade, not the 5th.

Honestly, now that my sister just had her baby, I know that when that little guy goes to kindergarten, I’m going to be like, where did the time go? These kids grow up so fast.

This year preparing for going back to school was a little easier. Everyone knew what they wanted. Paw patrol for the kindergarten, plain for the 5th grader. What was the saddest thing ever was that my niece outgrew wanting to have cartoons on her backpack. What type of 3rd grader doesn’t want a cartoon bag?

I was shocked mainly because I’m an adult who still has cartoon backpacks. Loungefly is probably somewhere doing an evil laugh as they come up with the following concept to release that will make Disney adults rush to buy.

I mean, I only have the auntie experience when it comes to getting the kids ready, but I try to be there the first day of school or the day before. This year I missed the first week of school for everyone since I wasn’t feeling great.

Side note, someone asked me why I always say going back to Hogwarts for my back-to-school post, and I was like, well, I always post on September 1st, and the only other thing I know is Heathers, and I don’t think that’s appropriate.

In all honesty, both schools kind of suck. Hogwarts had an entire war, and Westerberg had an extreme case of students dying.

But only for today can we return to Westerberg High School.

It’s a beautiful frickin’ day!

Posted in Lifestyle

August Book Club

Helllllooooo August Book CLub!!!!!!!!!

I haven’t done a book club post in the longest. Honestly, I was reading books, but it felt like no one cared. It still feels that way, but This Month is different. I’m reading three books, and each one is a bit of a doozy.

Ignore the sweltering weather; Summer is over. I’m ready for the spooky season and have a want for something scary.

Just Like Home by Sarah Gailey will hopefully fill that want.

Vera has returned to her childhood home – the home where she lived with her estranged mother and serial killer father. Yes, you read that right! Vera is in the house with her mother, while an artist lives in the guest house out back. He insists that he is not the one leaving notes around the house in her father’s handwriting, but if he isn’t leaving them, then who is?

Based on the synopsis and genre, I’m hoping for a horror/thriller novel. Also I love a good like “I thought you were a serial killer but now I love you because you know you saved me at some point in time.” And since the book introduced a loner artist right in the summary maybe the book will have that too.

And now to my nonfiction selection. It feels so weird that I’m only reading one fiction book this month but also kinda good. My brain needs to relax from all those super romantic books. Kinda hard to enjoy them when my life feels like it’s falling apart and I’m single.

Keats: A Brief Life in Nine Poems and One Epitaph by Lucasta Miller.

This book mixes biography with the artistic work of the subject. I loved the idea – pick nine poems and weave a story about Keats’s life around them.

I sometimes feel like John Keats doesn’t get as much love as other poets. He didn’t produce much work, he only published only fifty-four poems and he died very young. He didn’t really rise to fame when he was alive but after his death is when he got really popular. But they did make a movie about him, “Bright Star.”

And lastly, the celebrity memoir that I did not anticipate being so genuinely excited to read.

I’m Glad My Mom Died | Book by Jennette McCurdy.

Posted in Lifestyle

Not Pregnant, Just Fat

This post will be way too much information about my personal life. So read it or don’t. I’m not sugarcoating or censoring anything.

Pregnancy and being pregnant have never really been things at the top of the things I think about daily. In fact, I’ve only thought of pregnancy when I was pregnant. Having kids has never really been at the top of my to-do list. If I end up being a mom, cool; if not, still cool.

And I recently had a scare with this partner, not my first but the first with him. It was not expected, and my partner and I reacted to it very differently. I don’t know how I feel about it.

A little context, for the last two months, maybe, but primarily this last month, my body has been weird. I’ve had some crazy mood swings and nausea, and I was eight days late for my period. Then I started spotting. And for the last few months, my periods haven’t been precisely regular as they used to be, but I’ve never had only spotting. Like ever in my entire life. A million different things could cause this, but I thought I was pregnant.

When my body doesn’t feel right, I ignore all these symptoms. I pretend to be okay, and for a while, everything seems fine—kind of like turning the music up in your car when it starts to make a noise. Usually, my body fixes itself or doesn’t, and I finally go to urgent care. Is this bad? Yes, it is.

About halfway through last week, I was spacey, got nauseous, felt like I was going to fall, and had terrible back pain. I went home early and tried to eat. I knew I felt disgusting, but I hadn’t eaten that day, so I thought soup would help. It didn’t; I threw up the food and slept for over 16hrs. But it wasn’t a restful sleep. I woke up disoriented and seemingly more tired. But I was still nauseous, and my migraine was still there, so I couldn’t help but think maybe I was pregnant. I pretended to be normal all day and then finally told my partner.

I probably should have told him a little better. We were eating sushi, and I started to feel like crap and got all scared. I’m not good with confrontation, and I begin to feel guilty and like an asshole if I feel like I’m hiding something. I just blurted it out.

His reaction was normal for any unexpected announcement; he began to panic. Like full-on panic, he was hyperventilating and getting lightheaded. We got a test, and it’s negative. And he was excited but still in shock, so he threw up. He downed a shot. I don’t blame him.

But the emotions of it hit me. I’m the maybe 40 minutes that he thought I might be pregnant, he saw a future for us. He thought of how unready we were. He thought of us as parents. He said he was scared but thought it would be nice to have a child later in life.

In the month that I thought maybe I was pregnant and should take a test, I didn’t think of any of that. I thought of how my boobs are tender and how I will never reach my goal weight now. I thought of all of the clothes I’d have to buy. I was thankful for a sit-down job because I wouldn’t be on my feet. I never once thought past being pregnant.

I hate that he got to feel relieved when I’m unsure what I am. It wasn’t until the test said not pregnant that I began to think of a baby. And then it felt like the opportunity was taken from me before it got the chance to grow.

Once I started thinking of a baby, I began to think about the fact that I’d had a miscarriage and an abortion within the last four years. I would love to be a mom, but now I’m thinking maybe I shouldn’t be a mother.

I’m twenty-five now. I shouldn’t be so unsure of what I’m doing with my life. Yet I am. Many things point to the fact that I wouldn’t be a good mom—more than just the poor factor. Because being poor has never stopped people before. I have severe anxiety and depression. I can barely keep myself alive. I have a lot of unresolved issues with my parents. My biological father not being there. My mom put a lot of pressure on me to go to college and live the life she didn’t get to have.

I also don’t want to have a child because I fear that my sister, who isn’t in the best place, will have a child and eventually lose custody of that child, and I will have to raise that child. Then I would have two children I couldn’t afford. I know you think that’s a terrible thing to consider is going to happen. But it’s common in my family for someone who shouldn’t have a child to have one and for someone else in my family to foster their children or adopt them.

I think this fear has been something I’ve unconsciously thought of. It affected the way I dated for a while. I’ve dated a few men who already had children. So there would be no pressure to pop out a kid. The idea of having kids wasn’t brought up as often. And it was a lot easier to say, let’s wait until [insert whatever name] is a little older and can understand having a sibling. But it gave me time to get used to being around a child without having to act like a mom.