Author: Eryn 🐰

So as you know, I’m officially in my third trimester with my first baby, and I was telling one of my friends how excited I am to be a mom.

She looked at me and said, “Because you love babies?”

Girl… no.

Don’t get me wrong—I think babies are easier than toddlers in a lot of ways. They mostly eat, sleep, and stare at you dramatically. But when I think about becoming a mom, I’m not daydreaming about the newborn stage.

I’m excited for the kid stage.

I can’t wait to take my kid to Disneyland, the park, splash pads, museums, libraries, and all those random little community events. I see all the fun things my 11-year-old niece, Hector’s 8-year-old niece, and my 4-year-old nephew get to do, and I get so excited thinking, “I can’t wait until I get to do this.”

The libraries out here in Vegas have been amazing. They had a puppet show, a magician, and even a teen rave—all completely free. They really try to have activities for every age group. My local library back in California was the same way. Every time I see one of those event calendars, I think about taking my future kid there.

When I was in high school, my church even hosted a duct tape prom because the duct tape craze in the early 2010s was such a huge thing. Looking back, it’s kind of ridiculous… but it was also so much fun. Those are the kinds of memories I want my kids to have—those random, goofy experiences they’ll remember years later.

A lot of the parents I follow online also have older kids, so I think that’s shaped what I imagine motherhood looking like. One creator I absolutely love helps teach her daughter how to budget, and I genuinely recommend checking out her page if you’re a parent or just want some wholesome content. I also love all the lunch-packing videos.

My dad packed my lunches growing up. They weren’t Pinterest-worthy bento boxes with tiny heart-shaped strawberries or dinosaur sandwiches. It was usually just a sandwich—although, to be fair, it was always stacked like a Scooby-Doo sandwich. Looking back, I appreciate that so much, but I also think it would be fun to occasionally surprise my kid with one of those over-the-top lunches just because.

Maybe that’s what I’m really excited about. Not just raising a baby, but getting to create traditions, make memories, and be the kind of mom who says yes to the puppet shows, library events, splash pads, and spontaneous adventures.

Of course, there are moments that remind me my baby isn’t actually here yet.

My niece just celebrated her third birthday, and every time she throws a tantrum I jokingly tell her I’m going to take all her toys for my baby.

Well, at her birthday party she looked at me very seriously and said, “You can have my toys… but you have to share them with you, not the baby.”

I asked why.

She said, “Because I can’t see the baby, and she might be mean.”

The funny part is she says this because a while back I asked if she wanted to feel the baby kick. The baby kicked her hand, and she immediately pulled away and completely freaked out.

So apparently my unborn child has already scared away their first cousin.

We’re off to a great start.

So… it’s another day, another problem.

I think I’ve mentioned before that Hector and I have been trying to buy a house. At this point? I’m over it.

The biggest issue is that Hector is dead set on buying what he considers a “real” house, while I’m perfectly okay with starting with a manufactured home. Since I’m stuck in Vegas for the pregnancy, he’s the one meeting with realtors, asking questions, and touring places without me. Honestly, that’s a huge step for him, so I’m proud of that. But he was already hesitant about manufactured homes, and the realtors definitely aren’t helping.

One thing he came back and told me was, “They said it’s better to buy a manufactured home and then quickly sell it or rent it out so you can move into a real house.”

And I’m just sitting there thinking… yeah, of course they told you that.

They’re realtors.

They make money every time you buy and sell. Of course they want you to become a repeat customer.

But who in this economy—especially in California—actually has the money to buy one house, then turn around and buy another?

Certainly not us.

Honestly, not many people we know either.

Out of all of our friends in California who own homes, only two actually bought them on their own.

One owns a townhouse.

The other owns the house we used to rent, and she has a government job. Even then, her mortgage was actually higherthan what we paid in rent, so she was losing money by renting it to us. But since she was stationed somewhere else, making a little money was better than letting the house sit empty.

Everyone else we know became homeowners because their parents passed away.

And… well… tough luck for us.

Hector’s parents have one house and three kids. I highly doubt anyone is inheriting that house anytime soon.

My parents rent.

So that’s not exactly a retirement plan for us.

The reality is simple.

We don’t have enough money for the down payment on a traditional house.

We don’t have the credit lenders want.

And those first-time homebuyer programs everyone loves to recommend? They’re great… if you already have decent credit or enough money saved for a down payment.

If you don’t, they’re not nearly as magical as people make them sound.

So finally I said, “You know what? Let’s just pause this whole house conversation.”

Because here’s the thing…

I’ve found multiple homes in Vegas that we can actually afford.

But Hector doesn’t want to move to Vegas.

At the end of the day, it’s technically his settlement money we’d be using to buy anything right now, so I can only push the Vegas conversation so much.

Then I thought, “Fine. Forget buying a house. Let’s just rent an apartment.”

Find one you can afford on your income alone.

Because once the baby gets here, I’m planning to stay home for at least a few months before going back to work. Then we have to figure out childcare, which is ridiculously expensive.

So we need to budget like we’re living on one income.

He doesn’t like the $500 apartments I found in Vegas.

Because… Vegas.

He doesn’t like the $1,200 apartments I found in Compton.

Because… Compton.

To be fair, most of the ones I found were in neighborhoods where sex workers are out walking the streets.

My response?

“I doubt they’re going to bother us.”

Apparently that’s not a convincing argument.

But my point is these are apartments we can actually afford.

We can’t comfortably afford the $1,800 apartments without dipping into our savings every month.

Personally, I’d rather stay in separate states and live with our parents a little longer than sign a lease we already know we can’t afford.

Maybe that’s just me.

Marriage and parenthood involve sacrificing things.

Yes, our friends are in California.

Yes, our lives are in California.

But we also can’t afford California.

That’s literally how we ended up in this situation in the first place.

I’m trying really hard to stay optimistic because, somehow, this has to work out.

Come September, this baby is going to need a place to come home to.

If we still haven’t figured something out and I end up staying with my parents after giving birth, I might finally throw the tantrum I’ve been holding back and tell Hector we’re moving to Vegas.

I don’t actually want it to come to that.

Because then we’d probably both end up resenting each other, and that’s the last thing I want.

What’s really breaking my heart is that I’m in my third trimester, and there’s a very real possibility that I’ll give birth to our first child without my husband living with me.

The thought of recovering from childbirth, learning how to be a mom, and spending those first few weeks—or even months—without him by my side hurts more than I can put into words.

I know we’ll figure something out eventually.

I just wish we didn’t have to figure it out like this.